it's the simple things in life.

Over at Kelly's Korner, she posted a blog about "simple pleasures". It got me to thinking about the many things that I enjoy, but I don't always take the time to soak it in. This may be long, but i'm excited about this post. :)

painting for no reason, to simply relieve stress.

hunting on a not-too-cold-not-too-hot day

riding an old dirt road on a summer afternoon while the sun's setting, with the windows down.

listening to a guitar strum at night on a front porch.

the beginning of anything.

meaningful text messages/phone calls.

iPod "shuffle".

waking up on a Thursday that FEELS like a Monday.

sleeping.

sunday afternoons; for some reason, they're different than other afternoons.

fishing in the dead of summer, when the mosquitos and crickets swarm.

softball tan lines.

a thunderstorm when i'm going to sleep.

taking/having pictures everywhere.

seeing people who are TRULY in love.

watching Grey's Anatomy with my mamma.

having long chats with my mimi about life.

being out at/on the lake with friends.

I really could go on, and on, and on. I won't, for the sake that you might get bored, but I will post these lyrics.

Tonight the sunset means so much

The one thing that you know you'll never touch
Like the feeling, the real thing
I reach out for that sweet dream

But somehow the darkness wakes me up
I've felt this emptiness before
But all the times that I've been broken
I still run right back for more

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

You think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven't learned a thing

Sometimes I think I'm better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
And give up the longing, believing in belonging
Just hold down my head and take the loss

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven't learned a thing

There are three more months until i'm part of CA Alumni. If you ask me RIGHT NOW, i'd tell you that I canNOT wait. I am sick & tired of school, the frustration of it all has really had me down because I try and still don't understand half the time. We won't go any further into that, though.

I will say that summer has been on my mind. The nights that were so long that they turned into morning, the rush that I had when everything started out again. To this day I haven't regretted my decision, nor have I wanted to go back. There have been moments when I've asked myself "why" but I always answer that for myself and say "because i would have always wondered 'why' if I hadn't." That was just one of many reasons though. You know you've always held a place in my heart, a place that only you can fill. A place that no one else even comes near to, and no one understands that, but I don't ask them too.

As we drove down the road, I hesitated calling you. I didn't know what to say, but I wanted to hear your voice. I felt like a giddy child making a prank call (the kind where the person on the opposite ends answers & the child hangs up), but once you answered, my heart melted as my hands shook & it all fell into place. My heart started that racey, fluttery, jumpy stuff all over again, and time stood still. It was you and me, and interceeding phone line, and miles of memories racing down a forgotten highway as we talked about time we had missed. Who was I to deny it? You knew me better than I knew myself, and I've always kept that in mind. It wasn't fair for me to compare the two of you, but then again, you've got a few more years on you than he does.

As we talked, we plotted, and we planned. I wanted to see you to actually make sure this was all real. To hear, to see, to look at, to watch the words come out of your mouth instead of via text. I wanted to have a verbal committment from you to be sure that you were serious. I wanted it all to play out the way that it had in my head as I daydreamed about it. I wanted the whole thing all over again.

The night fell, but my hopes rose like a full moon over a lake, reflecting back over everything we've been through that has lead up to this point. You, me, life, distance, time, place, people, etc that has gotten in the way. Those are just the nouns of it all, I could list forever. So many things went wrong, so many things drafted in another direction, and the current was too strong, but I was ready to face the wind. You were too; I could tell when the street light hit your eyes that you had come with intentions.

Nothing elaborate happened that night. You didn't write a poem for me, or sing the next number one hit love song. You were just there beside me, laughing, joking, talking. There was nothing romantic about the setting, unless you consider a warm concrete ground, flies, the dogs barking angrily, cars passing through the one horse town, and a dim orange streetlight glow things of a "romantic nature".

Truth be told, it was us that made it romantic. It was the story that lies within our hearts. It was the way that we knew exactly what the other was thinking just by a glance.It was the strings that have been attached over all this time without fully letting go. It was the thrill of the hopes that laid in our future about the way that it would all work out because let's be honest, we had set our hopes high.

your words in my memory are like music to me..

She's got a bumper like a billboard
Covered in stickers of her favorita band
She's got a hangful of records that she turns to
When she needs to land
She's a saturday night parade through the streets
That all eyes some to see including me

She carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
She should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul
That never rolls

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Just like Guinevere

She don't hold onto nothin' new for very long
Yeah she writes you in as just one more tale
and then you're gone
'Cause she once fell hard 'cause she dropped her guard
And no one gets to stay it's just too late

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here

For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear
Just like Guinevere

Where is this going? Back to where we've been? Because, quite frankly, my heart can't handle that anymore. You have me wrapped so tightly around everything that you say & do. So tightly to where I become blinded by your "innocence". The truth is, you're really not all that innocent yourself, but I could never tell myself that. I could never take you down from your pedestal because that's the way i've always known you; to stand so high, to never fall, to react in subtle ways, to keep hearts free of the need to be mended, but now..not so much.

You and I have always been "you and I". No one has ever asked questions about it; well, maybe a few times, but they let it go for something that they just simply cannot understand. I have no idea what to even think now. When I'm back in that place, the memories sweep over me like a broom to a hardwood floor, even making that awful scratchy sound, but in the end the memories sweep away all the bad, all the dust, all the things that (in the end) don't matter anyway. Then it's just us, our forgotten time that we could've waisted together, and our pride that still outweighs our entire relationship. What has to happen for us both to just come to a realization that the PAST is the PAST.. You have no idea how i'd love to always be there for you, by your side, no matter what, ..do you?

rained in.

Many of you have asked about the paintings I did for Christmas presents, and although I did a post on my paintings back in the summer, I decided to repost those pictures in case you didn't catch a look. Here you go!

Some of the picture quality isn't so fancy, and there's glare from the flash, but hopefully you grasp the idea.!

p.s. - Mrs. Connie, don't shoot me, yours is a WORK IN PROGRESS. I will have to share the story! Whew!

nothing feels the same.

I was just going through my myspace page (that i never check) when i realized that the last time i updated it had to've been this summer. When I read through it, a million emotions from the summer flooded back over me, and then my computer starts playing my music selection that I had posted on my Myspace.
It was almost suddenly that I realized just how much music gets me through so many different situations in life. I have friends who pay absolutely no attention to the lyrics of a song, they simply listen to the beat. Me? When i'm listening, i'm so focused on hearing the artists voice and their words that I hardly catch the beat the first time.
If you were riding with me, getting ready with me, or even around me for longer than five minutes, you've heard the song that describes my day, mood, and more than likely, my thoughts. So many times I just drive down the road alone and listen to music. That is therapy for me, and that is what causes me to get all of my emotions out on the line.
Today my music is sad & deep, but that's only because that is what kind of mood i'm in.

On a different note: it's 2010!!!!!
WOW. Let's see if I can rehash the last year! ...

In december of 2008: I started dating someone, and I was a happy little girl. I spent all of my time with him: hunting, riding, family functions, and friend ordeals. I did all of my Christmas presents at Dandy Doodles, and we had a big mud riding out at my best friends house.

January: In January, just as I was getting to know one of the sweetest men i've ever met in my life, tragedy struck & The Lord took him to sing with the angels. This man is stained into my memory, and I will always look up to him. His smile was one that could light up a room, he was not short of wit, his personality was one of the best ones i've ever known. He was truly a good man who loved his job & family, and he also made it so easy for people to fall in love with him. I think about him all the time. I think about him walking us out of the door and sayin, "ya'll come on back here pretty quick.!" -- Never did I think that looking back at him in the doorway would be the last chance i'd ever have at seeing his face. He's the kind of man I can imagine telling my children about. I still can't go by the scene of the accident without having to turn down the radio & cry for even just a minute. He was such a special man. He was loved abundantly, and he will forever be missed.

February: In February, Megan and I rescued some puppies. Actually, it was all Megan's idea, I was just along for the ride. I had my first "real date" and I got a yellow betta fish and named him Frankie. Does that seem unimportant? I was OBSESSED with that fish. It was actually the reason behind one of the worst fights i've ever been involved in in my whole life (we won't go there.)

March: In March, it snowed. We also had our junior/senior play which consisted of a bunch of twisted fairytales. It was truly a great time. We had so much fun, although we all hated the practice, time, and effort that it took at some point. By the end when we were bowing, everyone (I believe) was glad that they took part in it. It was just another memory.

April: In April, I was a nervous wreck about prom, spent most of the month anxious, mad, and worried. At the end of Prom Night, I was THANKFUL that it was over. I will NOT miss Prom drama. I won't even say that I had the GREATEST time at prom, simply because this is my blog and I owe the truth to it -- i was not a happy red-head. The dress, the hair, the drama, the dancing - NOT my cup of tea. Give me some camouflage & a field full of doves. April was also Easter, and I spent it at two different houses..still a very happy girl.

May: In May, my daddy & mimi aged by one year & we celebrated that. I joined TWITTER, and I can honestly say it has been life-changing ;) okay, maybe i'm kidding about that, but I DO LOVE Twitter! The class of 2010 got together and initiated our first senior party. We spent the day on the lake, riding the boat, tubing, and tanning. We fixed supper & had a great time. It was in that moment that I realized how much I loved my class and all of our memories together. I started RIGHT THEN trying to grasp every second of our moments together, but there will always be part of me who wishes for more. My life, in a way, changed in May. I made a decision that ended up causing grief, saddness, humility, and pain. I never intentionally hurt anyone, but in the long run it would've been worse. My heart & mind were in two completely different rooms of a completely different house, & I had to reunite them. I can't say that it was best for everyone, but it was best for me at the time. Also, in May, my best friend left for Parris Island for USMC Basic Training. I was proud, nervous, sad, and happy all at once. I couldn't WAIT for my first letter.

June: In June, I went to the beach. My cousin/friend, Laura, went along with me. We tanned, ate, laughed, danced, sung, shopped, had a good time! I got my second or third letter while I was there, and I was SO excited!

July: In July, I went to the Neshoba County Fair. I had a wonderful time. I saw US, Neal McCoy, Santa Fe, and other small bands in concert there. It was a great time with great friends. I believe the highlight of that week was it raining, again. Hahaha. I continued writing to Parris Island at least 2 times a week. I started painting more, went snake hunting, and celebrated two of my friends birthdays.

August: In August, I enjoyed every minute of this month. Seriously. I was fortunate enough to be able to experience PFC Clinton Ballard Brown graduate from Marine boot camp, get to know his family a little more, play my "last-first" Fastpitch softball game, go to my "last-first" day of high school, enjoy my last days of a high school summer, listen to concert violinists (my DREAM is to be an amazing violinist), say "bye" (for the second time) to my best friend as he left to start more training, and turn 18 years old. I also started to grasp my very serious interest in photography this month when I decided to take the sidelines of all the football games. I also spent an afternoon with my WILD Lab, Mallard Marlee Made. Woaah.

September: In September, one of my best friends celebrated her 18th birthday as well, and we enjoyed being 2 of the VERY few in our class that were 18. Football games continued, I photographed Camp Rock Brooke (which was an awesome experience), and softball continued. My wonderful friend, Ashia & her husband Ben, welcomed sweet baby A into the world, and she started her journey of life. I was SUPER excited about her, and COULDN'T wait to see/hold her. One of the leaders on the football team was injured severely & was diagnosed with never being on the gridiron for a play again. I watched as his friends, teammates, and coaches all stayed behind him, encouraged him, and be let known that they needed & missed him dearly. My wonderful Mimi retired from 4-country electric power association where she held a position for over 20 years. She is a woman of wisdom, love, compassion, perseverance, and knowledge. She is my rock, my go-to, and she is an amazing lady. We won second place in the Northstate Championship for fastpitch softball, and I've never been so proud in my life. It was truly a happy moment! We went on to win third in the State.

October: In october, football was still in full throttle, Homecoming week stressed me out (but not as bad as prom - THANKFULLY), tears were shed & memories were made. My best friend graduated from training in NC and moved to VA to continue training until January '10. The Senior class invited the Juniors to a halloween dance, and we all had a great time. We finsihed up the softball games (that i mentioned in September) in Jackson this month. We ate at the Crawdad Hole & sang Karaoke to the coaches..and well, anyone who would listen really. I joined the "Apple" world after getting the new "MacBook Pro" and I was DEFINITELY excited about that!

November: In November, Football season ended, our boys had a GREAT year. They, of course, wanted it to go on forever. They truly played their hearts out. I spent a lot of time at the refuge captioning the changing of the leaves and the widlife that it has to offer. Once posting those on Facebook, more people started "noticing" my photography "liking". I was then asked to take 2 of my friends pictures for their Christmas card & that thoroughly excited me. I was being allowed to have a reason to do something I loved & it was actually for the benefit of another person/family. I texted the scores to countless football games. I fell in love with Skype & was able to virtually talk to my best friend and see him even though he's thousands of miles away. Technology is a beautiful thing! :)

December: In December, I took exams & thought it would be the death of me. I had four other photoshoots & everyone SAID they were pleased.! ;) I got to go on a hunt with my daddy (I do that a lot, but we normally don't sit together, and on this particular day we did) and I killed a 10 point. Not a huge deer, not a mounter, not a record-breaker, but I won't ever forget it or the story behind it. I had the best Christmas break that I think i've EVER had. My best friend came home, i played a lot of rockband, got to know a few dirt roads that i'd never been down before, re-lived some old memories with two people who have to be the craziest in the world, ALMOST got hit my many --- many deer in my truck (and DID get hit by one...NO DAMAGE, MOM), listened to music just a little too loud, sang to the top of my lungs, danced like tomorrow would never giv me the chance, laughed, smiled, cried, slept A LOT, hugged, kissed, and wished everyone a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!


WHEW! No need to sum it up, you go right ahead! :)


p.s.
New Years Resolution is to drink ONLY water...day 4 and I haven't skipped a beat! WOO.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

These pretty girls and I watched the Christmas parade together.

No one was really "fired up" about the parade due to the misting rain and the low temperatures, so there were NO (none, zip, zilch, zero) floats in it...this was the best shot.

Mom's outside decor that she has been fretting over. Turned out nice! :)

december.

December already? No.....

Clint comes home in a very short amount of time, and i have to say that i'm fairly excited! Ha, complete sarcasm. I'm EXTREMELY excited!

I'll be posting pictures of town soon, all decorated up, so that he can have an opportunity to have a sneak peek before he comes home.

A few good things happened this weekend:

2 photo sessions with two sets of amazing people. They were so much fun to be around. And photogenic as well :)

deer were killed (sorry, all you non-hunting blog readers)

Megan killed her first deer while hunting with Walker. I was pretty proud of her :) She had an encounter with some mice in her chair when they arrived at their field, but needless to say, not even her screaming bothered the deer! Congratulations, Megan! :)

My daddy and I were able go go on a hunt that wasn't on our land. A friend of ours offered to let me hunt on some land where he works. The story is long, and i'm so sleepy right now that I couldn't make it intriguing, but i'll definitely come back soon to try and tell. Anyway, my deer weighed 222 pds; he was an 8 point with 2 kickers -which makes him a small 10 pt.. (you can see them at the bottom of his rack on the left side. There's one above the one that's sticking out, and YES you can hang a ring on it), and only scored 102. He's the biggest one i've killed so far. That matters to me, of course, but what truly matters is that I was able to experience it all with my Daddy. Unforgettable.

Stay tuned! I know i'm absent too often, but i am trying to do better! ;)