dreaming of a white.....friday?

 -I really had no intentions of NOT having school tomorrow, but since we live in the south, the word "snow" is like "earthquake" around here. Seriously, people in the Alaska/Colorado regions would probably  laugh in our faces if they saw the way we just hibernate whenever it snows. It's funny, really.


- I don't mind being out of school at all. What I mind is that it always does this at the beginning of the weekend, and all the weekend plans get thrown up in the air because we have to depend on weather conditions. That's no fun at all.


- If, however, it does snow, I want to take some pictures (hence that first paragraph about us freaking out). I'm also looking forward to sleeping some!


- I just realized that I skipped our on Grey's Anatomy. What would I do without tivo?!

i promised i wouldn't, but i've become slightly intrigued with Picnik! It is so much fun to play with! You should check it out if you want to "cutesy" up a picture! I still have a lot to learn.

happiness:
- these.
- no tests tomorrow.
- sleeping late.
- 4 day weekends.
- tanning.
- lower numbers.
- 99 on my latin test.
- car rides to catch up.

five minutes away.

where to begin... I have had a pretty great day. I am trying to teach myself not to worry as much because I know that worrying gets me no where. I heard once "When I don't have anything to worry about, I worry about that" so true! I'm trying to realize that NO MATTER WHAT, everything is going to be okay. I know I need to chill out, but being the independent person that I am, I want to have a hand on things & know what's going on. Instead, I shouldn't try to rush everything and be so demanding. It's hard, but i'm working on it.

So, after school Daddy & I went to see:

 

and i wasn't expecting it to be epic, but let me tell you, it was! I LOVED it. It didn't seem to be 2 hours and 45 minutes long at all. I would definitely go see it again. Also, I enjoyed having Daddy's presence. We always have something to laugh & joke about.

after the movie we ate at Mi Hacienda, and the live band was playing. That was an experience in itself. 

also, i now own: 

 and even though i saw it in theaters, I cannot wait to watch it again! I saw it twice, actually. It ended the same way both times ;-)

..what good movies have you seen this past year? Those are just two of the good ones i've seen. I'll name a few more:

- It's Complicated

- Dear John

- New Moon (did you know this isn't on the top 50 of '09?..wonder why! Ha!)

- Up

- Sherlock Holmes

- Paranormal Activity

- The Blind Side

- I Love You, Man

- The Hangover

What can I say? I really do love movies. I saw "Brothers", but we won't talk about that. That's another post for another day. 

On our way home, I put my iPod on shuffle. The first thing that came on was this song. If you chose to watch it, you'll see why it means a lot to me. :-) 

 I discovered that song during this summer while lcplcbb was at basic. All of the emotions I felt during that time started to rush back. The way that I felt when I had mail, the ache I had to talk to him when something went wrong, the worry I felt hoping that he was okay, the moments I had when I couldn't have been more proud (still have those quite frequently) to be able to call him my friend, all the way 'til the morning I left for Parris Island. 

 I worked on countless blogs in the hotel room, but I backspaced most or saved them to drafts. the truth is, I was really in awe. I was in awe of the entire situation! I was so thrilled that I was able to be there to experience something so special. I was shocked that I was five minutes away from my very best friend, and I couldn't believe that it had already been three months! I was nervous that he would be mad I showed up since he hates surprises, but I thought surely he'd be okay with it.

 I remember all the benedryll I had to take in order to sleep. I believe I took it for at least two weeks! 

 Daddy & I ate at a restaurant on the bay the night we got there, and looking out over the bay you can see the Island. The weather was calm & peaceful, and I immediately thought of a Nicholas Sparks book. All of them are based in the Carolina's, and from reading about their setting -- it was exactly what I had imagined. 

 The sun was trying to push through the clouds that had just produced a summer storm. The breeze was light and cool. The waves hit against the rocks calmly like a child knocking on a door while crabs scurried around in the sand close to the waters edge. Laughs from people inside the restaurant echoed out to the pier, and the talk outside was kept to a minimum as if everyone were there listening to the boats as they clanked against the wooden marina. I stood there, taking it all in, but really focusing in on the Island that looked as if someone had taken a dark green marker and drawn a line to separate the sky from the water; it seemed so far away, yet it was right there. I thought about lcplcbb & what all he had probably been through in the last three months, and I couldn't help but compare the two atmospheres. Here I was, no more than five minutes away, and life was good. The people around me seemed to not have a single clue about what went on on that island, and although I was in a place with so much serenity, I wanted to be five minutes away visiting with my best friend. Through my eyes, the people there didn't take heed to the fact that boys were turning into men over there. They were transforming into people that God has chosen to protect our country in what could very well be life threatening situations. They are hand-picked. They are the few, the proud. I was almost offended that people weren't speaking thoughts about swimming across the bay to the Island - that's surely what was going through my mind. I just had to keep telling myself "tomorrow", but even as we ate & conversated, my thoughts drifted five minutes away.

 The next morning, I was up before the sun. We made our way to the Island, and the sun made it's way into the sky. We drove over a marsh, and soon enough I saw the sign to the base. No more than five minutes into the base there is a banner that states "We Make Marines". This was it; I was such a proud friend that day, and that's what I remember. That moment. Seeing that sign, knowing that I knew someone SO well, but I was fixing to get to know the "new" them. It was an exciting feeling. It has been a journey. 

happiness:

- "i think you could pull that off"

- daddy day.

- new shirts.

- early valentines.

- future talk.

writer's block?

happiness:
- new purses.
- civil conversaton.
- feeling good about a test.
- chocolate pie (...bad for the diet)
- sarcasm.
- curly hair.
- "paperweight" - Joshua Radin Schuyler Fisk
- reuniting with the Twitter word; i feel refreshed.
- tanning bed.
- that text i anticipated.

a whole new world; a new fantastic point of view.

 There are really no words to describe the way that yesterdays post has made me feel. I almost feel like a totally made-over person. I feel as if I stood on top of the eiffel tower & spoke those words to the entire world. In the same sense, those words now hold me accountable to my actions that I plan to display in the future. Now, it may not seem as life-changing to you by reading it, but believe me..for those of you who have known the situation, it is pretty "life-changing". Hallelujah! I've seen the light!
 Can you tell that I am trying to be a better blogger? Okay, this could just be a phase, but I do want to make it a more habitual thing. I have even considering getting into the Not Me Monday and maybe whatever Kelly has going on over on her blog. It will give me a reason to blog about something meaningful interesting.
 In other news, I am doing a "Twitter Cleanse"! Isn't it terrible that it has come down to that? I mean, seriously, who drives themselves into a Twitter rehab? That is disgusting. I could be doing something so much more productive half the time, but instead i'm "tweeting" about what I SHOULD be doing! Horrible, I know. It really is tough though because most of my day-to-day, moment-by-moment thoughts are on Twitter (bless ya'lls hearts for following me; you've probably gotten to where you simply skim over my "tweets"). I don't know how long this "rehab" will last. I guess as long as it takes for me to get a  point across. ;-)
 Today was just an ordinary Monday. Monday's usually aren't horrible for me, but Tuesday? That's a different story. I highly dislike Tuesdays! Especially tomorrow, I have an economics test that I have to do good on!
 This is all for now, but I am working on a post that I hope ya'll will enjoy! Have a good week, and go see Dear John if you get an opportunity. (Read the book first, otherwise you will have no drive to do so after seeing the movie. I'm just saying.)

happiness:
-coffee.
-best friend talks.
-encouragement.
-a "loop" around town.
-the feeling of accomplishment.
-staying true to my own self.
-jergans lotion. (total bliss.)
-house shoes. (yes, hollie, I am an "old lady"! HUSH! :)

consider me a memory, consider me the past.

I've always gone against the grain.  

I've never believed a word of what people have said about him. 

I've always been free willed & independent. 

I've always given you the benefit of the doubt. 

I've never ask for anything in return, a thank you, nothing. 

All I want in an equal agreement that the two of us are on the 
same page. 

This is it. This is what it feels like. I don't know whether to go right or 
left, and I'm not even sure which direction is the right way while i'm
spinning in a state of absolute confusion. What does this mean? How could I 
have spent all this time getting to know someone just to have them make me feel 
like I'd has never met them in my entire life? I could turn back, back to 
those others who have never failed me, back to where my future was all planned 
out & a picket fence, but my mind would go back; it always has, right? Let's be real, 

my heart has been there to stay for awhile. It didn't it ask to pitch a tent in your back 

yard, fight the storms, be drenched in the rain, but it has. It has endured it all because 

that's always what i've been taught to do -- endure it all, and give my all. If not, what 

would I regret later down the road? 
 The point of the matter isn't exactly what I would get out of the situation, 
but rather why I'm even in the situation to begin with. How many times do 
I have to tell myself to go on, leave, get out of his life completely 
before it actually became reality? I've tried. To say that I haven't tried would be a lie 

because i honestly have. Every trace of someone else either led back up to you or was compared to you, and I know that wasn't fair for the other person. I just saw it as "right" because it was the only thing i'd ever known. Now, all I want to know is.... what's the situation.?  

 My situation is one of confusion. How can I move on when I find yourself right there beside 

me through everything? I have always done what I wanted to do, and there's no reason why you 

should be the one holding me down from that now, but you do. I can say that because it's the 

truth. I can also say that you don't deserve to hold me down from anything since I've never 

allowed anyone to do that. I've always tried to treat you the way that I want to be treated. 

I've always given you the benefit of the doubt. You know exactly how to take advantage of that

& it can't happen anymore.
 The thing is, getting over it would be in my best interest. I should have my 
best interest at stake, but getting over it would mean leaving it all in the 
past, and somedays I'm not sure that I'm ready to do that. Leaving it all behind would be as 

if I were taking every picture I had ever taken from the time I was born until now, piling it up in a cardboard box, driving to some lost dirt road and leaving them there. 

You see, I say that because those are memories. Childhood, pre-teen-hood, and teen-hood 

memories. To get rid of them would mean leaving them all behind for dirt, dust, rain, snow, 

hail and sleet to cover them. To leave them behind would mean only having those memories left in my head, and oftentimes I forget things. I don't want to forget you, and that is exactly my point. I know that I could never just forget you, but I don't even want to forget the little things. That is where i'm torn. I am torn, but in the other hand, I have had a moment of 

clarity where I realized that I don't really need you. How could I need you when you're never there anyway? How can I depend on someone who can't really even depend on them self? 

I say all of that to say this: i have washed my hands clean of the whole situation. I have had my moment of clarity about this (and you), and it isn't relevant in my life anymore. You 

aren't supposed to be there, and if you are, bless your heart because it's going to take a lot to make be believe that you deserve to be in it.

Now, onto a lighter note. At the end of each post from here on out, I will name (at least) 5 

things that I am happy, thankful, or excited about (that last post really did inspire me, AND i don't want everyone thinking i'm an emotionally distraught person. I am typically a happy 

person, my blog just catches all my negative energy.)

- i'm happy that i have a friend. a best friend. & a couple more friends.

- it's superbowl sunday, and for some reason i'm excited.

- i'm thankful that i have a home because it's FREEZING outside.

- i'm happy that summer will be here in 3 months.

- i'm happy that slow-pitch starts soon!

time's passing by so much faster & i'm starting to regret not spendin' all of it with you.

So, i got a haircut! As many of you know, my FAVORITE hairstylist is incognito at the time, but if she ever came back, i'd be at the top of her appointment list. UNTIL then ;-) I got it cut in a town close to ours, and the lady did a good job. It's going to take some getting used to, but i'm willing to work with that. 

BEFORE: 

AFTER:

                     

So, I'll leave it to ya'll to tell me how you feel. Like I said, the bangs will take some getting used to. I feel like they've already grown out some since Wednesday, but maybe that's just me getting situated with them :)