"Where do I start
Lying on a blanket underneath the stars
With your head on my chest
I always liked that best
I hate how times flies
I still think back sometimes
'Bout your lips on my neck
I always liked that best
That time we took a ride
Ended up down by the river side
Soft touch wet kiss
I always liked that best
I like the way you used to hold me
I like the way you came to know me
You came to know me well.
Falling to sleep
Wearing your shirt 'cause it smelled so sweet
Who could forget?
I always liked that best
Or losing my heart every time you played to me on your guitar
"Lady in Red"
I always liked that best
I like the way you used to hold me
I like the way you came to know me
You came to know me well well well
I could go on
So many things I miss now that you're gone
Your love oh yes
I always liked that best."
***
There's so many songs that I hear & say, "that's our song", some you know about, some you don't. Sometimes I just feel like our life story has a beat to it that so many different bands & singers sing their hearts out to on the radio.
The songs aren't always the greatest, they just find their way into my heart, then again, some are. I can't begin to name them all, because there simply are just too many. Maybe, I over think every song I hear & just make myself believe that they remind me of you. Maybe I just always happen to have you in mind whenever I hear a song, or maybe..just maybe, they actually do.
Whatever all this means, I'm okay with it really. It doesn't matter where it's been, the only thing that matters to me is where it's going. Even if it stays like this, it's okay. I like not knowing what's next. I like being in the place that we are right now, in the moment where everything just seems so "right".
You know, i don't quite know when it stopped & started. It has all been so painfully beautiful to me, and i don't particularly care where it stopped & started...just as long as it doesn't have to stop again.
What i do not believe i'll ever understand is peoples take on this. It is not a LIGHT subject. It is a deep, intense, one of a kind feeling. To me, it is hard to describe, it's one of those things you just "know" you have. You KNOW it consist with your parents, & your friends, whatever - for me, it's has formed without me knowing about it, & it has been there for so long, but it's been covered up. It's been covered by denial, and I've been running from it. I've been running so fast that whenever I turned around, looked up, & saw you there..I was in awe.
I've never been one to "hang on" to someone after "it's over", but i can't help it. You've got a hold on me that i cannot begin to put into words, (so if none of this makes sense to you, forgive me), but i don't get the fact that NO ONE else understands. I don't try to get them to understand, because it's a hopeless effort, and plus..i kind of like knowing that it's sort of "us against the world". What I mean is.. Not a lot of people really know what both of us know, they don't really know the depth to it all, and so therefore they really have no right to understand. Why try? I don't mind it, and from as far as I can tell, neither do you.
You're friend tells me, "don't mess with a good thing, i KNOW that what ya'll have is a good thing, so just let it be, enjoy it, and don't screw it up." Right? Right. I think so too, friend. Thank you. You know, sometimes i feel like all i CAN do is screw things up, like i'm walking on thin ice 24/7, but then again...i'm totally at ease with everything. It's perfection.
What is my form of perfection, you ask? I'll tell you.
it's the night air putting off a breeze that makes sitting outside a comfortable thing, it's the way the street lights hit those eyes of yours so that they shine, it's the noise of outside: the crickets, the leaves, the cars passing.
It's being right beside you on your front porch..
sitting..
talking..
not talking..
laughing..
listening..
whatever is happening while were there was complete perfection to me.
Of the million other places to be in the world, i wouldn't have jumped on a plane for Rome if it had landed on your roof. It's really the simple things that take place between us that become so instilled into my brain.
Perfection is watching you're favorite show with you through a text message, quoting almost every line of the entire episode, and laughing while doing it. Perfection is when nothing is wrong.
The things that you may not think twice about are the things i'll never be able to forget. You've been the cause of more than many unforgettable moments in my life, and i really wouldn't trade them for the world.
Perfection is seeing your fingers strum on a guitar, sitting beside you & enjoying the melody that you've taught yourself to play. It's the serenity of hearing the chords flow across the strings, and observing you while you take part in something that you truly enjoy.
Perfection, through my eyes, is simple. It doesn't take much for me to believe that something was "perfect", and that's okay, right?
So, that was perfection in a bottle for me. Juvenile? Maybe. I'm not worried about it though, because you know me well enough to know all the random thing's that i think are "perfect" whether it be watching the sunset at the refuge, or just riding one of those old dirt roads with you. We could be anywhere, really.
One thing that is not-so-perfect in my eyes is:
the sound that goodbyes make,
the feelings that goodbyes leave you with.
It's one thing for it to be a "temporary" goodbye, but it's another when you know with you're whole heart that it's permanent. I know that i've "permenantly" said goodbye before, but that's over now, and we're past that. The only permenant goodbye we have to worry about is one that you might make.
The reason I even brought up goodbye is because I just feel like everytime we say goodbye, that may be the last time it's said between the two of us (and I can already see the face you'd probably make if I said this to you) . I don't want to feel that way, it causes me to be left with some sort of "separation anxiety", ha, dramatic? Maybe. Seriously though, those are the things going through my head, and although it may not be healthy...it's fact, it's true, and unfortunately i cannot control it.
Mainly, i just want you to be happy. Seriously, that's all.
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