30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Three!

Day Three: First Love

WARNING: This is liable to be a long one! 

This could go back as far as I can remember, but I wont bore you for that long. Puppy love is what it's sometimes called, right? When kids think they're "in love" and really they don't know what love truly is? Well, this was no puppy love. Maybe at the beginning; maybe before I realized it was undeniable. I heard this quote once, and it really sums up (to me) what love is about; it basically said, 

"Love is wanting the absolute best for someone, and genuinely not wanting in return." 

That, of course, isn't the only thing love is made of. Love is an assortment of many things. Caring, honesty, trustworthy, loyal, faithful, happiness, laughter, understanding, compassion, as well as the sadness, hurt, and tears. Love is not always a perfect thing, but that is indeed what makes it beautiful. It isn't alway big blue skies and open fields. Sometimes, it's dark gray clouds and eerie forest. To me, that is also beautiful. If someone can be beside you during those times, at your weakest points, that is one true test. Of course loving God comes first because He first loved us, and what better Teacher to have than the Good Lord. He loves us no matter what. We let Him down, and He forgives us. We do wrong, and He forgives us. 

Then.... Well, then that's where you began. 

Figuring out love had always been in the back of my mind. It never really bothered me, but I did want to know what it was like to really love someone. I just never expected it to be you. From the first night you held my hand as I sat next to you in the passenger side, to the talks on your back porch and listening to your guitar strum. You were there for me in your own way. You picked me up when I felt like falling all over again, and no matter how I try to get around it, I really loved you. I can't explain the way it felt to know you thought about me, and I can't start to tell you how many nights I couldn't sleep due to knowing that we'd be together the next day. 

Things weren't always perfect for us. As a matter of fact, they rarely were! We were so much alike, and our hard heads kept us on our toes for sure. During the middle of the prettiest days we would argue. On the most wonderful nights we would bicker. It was usually never anything serious, though. We always knew we were joking. It was during those times that I loved you the most. I realized I didn't want to be anywhere else. I didn't want to be arguing with anyone else. I didn't want to watch the stars or ride the dirt roads with anyone else but you. You taught me how to love a person, though you may not believe that. You helped me understand that it isn't always about ME and what I want, and that making room for someone else is an option. You gave me the freedom to not be scared of letting you inside for fear that I might get hurt. I wasn't always the easiest person to love. Actually, I haven't been the easiest person to love. In fact, ive made it hard on you many many times.

I don't guess you get to pick who your first love is. It just happens. You'll always have that hold on my memory. You'll always have your place carved into my heart, and it doesn't matter how many times I try to tell myself otherwise, you were "my person". Sometimes I hate that; I don't know why, but I do. Even so, You're the person i'll have to tell my daughter or grand-daughter about one day when they ask about first loves, and I won't mind. You've been the subject of my writing inspirations on more than one occasion, and that's also another thing i'm grateful for. As far as letting go of you and the past, I still find that kind of hard for me. I see myself looking back so often that it sometimes scares me. I don't want to live in the past. I want to be the person that I am today because of the way you aided in helping me love. You may never even fully realize the impact you've had on my life, but I can assure you that i'll never be the same. You don't have to know. You just have to understand that i'll always carry you around with me, even if it's only a tiny bit of what we were when we were together, or what I was when I was with you.