always in the shadows.

oh, how i wish it was you that i was dancing with, the one placing the flower to occupy my wrist, the caddy opening the door for me to step out. I wish it was your voice telling me that you were happy to be there, to embrace me with a smile. I wish it was you that would be the reason i lingered around, and you, the one i watched all night, but the arm that will be linked into mine is not yours, and oh, how i wish it was.
 I would be caught in a blissful moment that no one could take away from me, and I would examine your  eyes while the notes of a song played through and through. You & I would be the only ones around for a limited amount of time, and the moment the music stopped, so would the serenity of those seconds i got to have you close, motioning around in circles in a dim room with the lights down, and a million people around us. That is fine, for I could bare to deal with your tangled heart in my eyes for only a few minutes. I could handle listening you whisper lyrics of the song as we danced, but that clearly won't happen.
 You're far, far gone from being the culprit of that situation, and it is clear to me that it simply won't happen. A girl can hope though, right? It's not that i'm weltering away on the inside wanting you to be there with me, but it would complete an unfinished story. A story that we unintentionally started years ago, and from then 'til now it is still, in some ways, being written. I have yet to find a place for a good ending, for the memories of it all always rush back when I least expect it. You, having so many flaws & wrongness about you, are in some ways, my hero. You've rescued me from being unloved. You've captured me into knowing what love is, and what it isn't. You've led me down a whole new philosophical path because if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't write this much.
 All I can tell you is thank you for being the one I want to dance with, the one that I figure out before I even confront, the one who helped me discover love in its very own unique way, and most importantly, the one who has unknowingly been the subject of my writing for all this time.