right back to the very first time.

 know those places that you've been with someone, and you almost don't want to go back there again unless your with that same someone?

 know those songs you can't really listen to without feeling like you have a gaping hole in your stomach?

 there's a lot of places and songs that have that effect on me. It's a fortunate and an unfortunate thing, all wrapped into one. Sometimes I want to sit in the place and cry, and other times I can't help but be overcome with pure happiness that I've been somewhere with you to have such perfect memories. The songs also have a positive & negative effect on me, and some, I just have to click "next".

 It's not that going back there hurts me or scares me. In fact, it doesn't at all do those things. The only way that it could remotely scare me was by feeling more than I really want to feel while i'm there. You simply have no idea how much a tiny millisecond of a moment can mean to you until you've had a second like that for yourself.
 the summer was hot, and it was in full force. There was no breeze to break up the heat; the only thing that made the night a little more bearable was the darkness of it. You couldn't have written a scene in a movie more beautiful than the way this night plays out in my mind. There was nothing that made it award winning, it was just "one of those nights".
 i had been away for four days, and i spent that time listening to your melodies over the phone, but that simply wasn't enough for me anymore. I wanted to see it with my eyes, hear it with my ears, and not have to listen through the lines of the phone. I wanted to be around your presence, and soak up every moment that I could. I wanted to make up for lost time. I didn't care what we did, we could be bored together, and I wouldn't be bored at all.
so, ending up on your front porch was fine with me. the rush of the city seemed to fade into the back round, and you & i were the only two people existing. For some reason it's always been easy for me to block out everyone else when you're around. We just sat & I listened to you. I didn't want to speak, I didn't want it to end, I just wanted to listen to you & watch in awe. That's exactly what I did. The moment could've been endless.
 or maybe another time, when the fighting can't seem to cease, and neither of us will give in to an apology. When i've driven out of your driveway "never to return", but then i find myself in that exact same spot a week later? When I don't believe i can hold onto whatever it is that i've kept a grip to this long, i always dig through the doubt to find the shiny reason as to why i've held on this long. I despise going back there, back to those feelings, back to that hurt, back to that pain & brokenness, but that's what makes the better days the best. This is what droughts I have to face in order to appreciate sunshine, and I fully understand that.

the songs that "get me" are always the same. you, me, broken hearts, pasts, memories, this, that, everything that refers to us. It's always a couple of songs in particular that I can only bear to hear when you're by my side. The others allow me to reminisce on better days (or not-so-good days) i've shared with you. Maybe you've sang them to me, played them for me, spoken lyrics of them to me, or even played an actual role in them having not ever heard the song. Whatever it is, there's a reason behind why all of them, good and bad, have a gut-wrenching effect on me, causing me to pause for a moment in my day and let my mind run back to the very second that I decided the song reminded me of you. I like it when that happens, be it a good or bad memory. You being on my mind has never been something that i've been opposed to, although maybe sometimes I should've been, but we won't go there.
you see, music stands very high on my totem pole. It gets me through. Cliche? Yes. Do i care? No; because it is beyond the shadow of a doubt, the honest truth. So many times I find myself saying, "Well, you know... it was just... hold on... have you ever heard the song ----" That's just how I relate. That's my outlet. That's my therapy. Music tells a story, it triggers the mind into an intimately personal video that plays out, one only you can see, hear, and feel. Music is a powerful way of allowing someone to feel something without that person ever having to speak a word. It's an audible way for a person to decompress. I honestly don't know what i'd do without it because silence is too loud for me.