Thursday, May 24, 2012

what you probably didn't know.

Well, I have to admit a few things first:

  • I have neglected my blog, but it's been for good reasons.
  • I have made a new (private) blog, but I will share it when the time is right. 
  • I have had no drive to blog whatsoever - that is, until today. 

Okay, so some of this post is going to keep me smiling, while the rest may draw a tear, but I have to tell it all.

       During the first of October, I met the most incredible man I have ever known (aside from my Daddy - because he will always be my #1, of course). I remember him walking into my office hour at school, and something about his shy attitude captivated me. The more I got to know him, the more I realized how sweet, sincere, and truly kindhearted he really was. He lives in the sticks, lets me ride the tractor with him, and always wants to know about my day. We don't have to be going somewhere all the time for us to enjoy being together, and I can literally sit with him on a three hour drive and never have the urge to turn on the radio because I enjoy nothing more than having a conversation with him. We never run out of things to say to each other. Really, how often does a girl find that these days? Someone who is in LOVE with his family, and he still makes room to love me and remind me of it everyday - even when we aren't able to visible see each other. I see a glimmer of my Daddy in him - they both have a wonderful sense of humor, and they both know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. He meshes so well with my family, and I have prayed about that! I am truly thankful that everyone gets along, and my family loves him, too!

      David & I have been together close to eight months, and I have honestly never been happier. I have all the reasons in the world to smile knowing that he's got my back, supports me, and does not leave my side. Little did I know at the time, but that would be exactly what I needed in the months to come.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving.

    My family had all been together for lunch, and I was anxious for the rest of my family to finally meet David in person after hearing so much about him! It was a happy day. We left, full as ticks, and went home to debate an afternoon hunt. While we were at home, Mom called. She told me that she was worried about Mimi because she had shared with her after lunch about having a knot on her stomach. I kind of dismissed it a little because I didn't want to worry until we knew for sure. Despite the fact that Mom had told me not to mention it, I had to tell David because I needed someone to be there to understand my thoughts IF it did turn into anything other than nothing; plus, he could clearly tell something was wrong.
    After weeks of test, back and fourths to doctors, and not being exactly sure of what was going on, Mimi had an appointment in a town three hours away from our hometown. I was anxious that day, but I tried to dismiss it again because I was taking my final Algebra test (which also determined a passing grade. Ya'll, I'm a math whiz! Except, not really.) Anyway, when I got home, I knew things weren't right, and Mom came in while I was pouring a bowl of cereal for supper. I waited anxiously through the small talk, and I never pushed her to tell me anything. I kind of felt like she would say it when she got the strength up to do so (she's always trying to be strong), but with Daddy lingering close by, I knew it wasn't good news.
    The next few moments are a blur to me as Mamma carefully explained the way the day had gone, and honestly I can't recall anything she said. All I heard was "cancer". What? Excuse me, huh? CANCER? No. No - because she is my grandmother. Not only is she the definition of grandmother, she is also the definition of ONE TRUE BEST FRIEND. She truly, truly is. All of the sudden, my world stopped, and I felt like the blood had been sucked out of my entire body, and the wind left in my cells evaporated into a salty pool of tears.
    I couldn't help but be selfish about the entire situation. If this was cancer, would she be at my graduation? My next graduation? Am I going to be able to call her & tell her I'm engaged? See her ushered down the isle at my wedding? Watch me start a family? -- I knew I was getting WAY too ahead of myself, and ultimately I knew that God was in control, but I was so doubtful for weeks. I wanted myself to believe that "He was in control" and "He knows what's best", but in reality I could only think about what I PERSONALLY thought was best. She NEEDS to be here with ME. She has to be on the other end of the phone line when I'm mad at everyone else in the world, and she has to be my voice of reason. She always has, and I just kept saying while talking to Hollie & David that "I can't be without her."

That is the truth.

  The next few days were spent praying, crying, and wondering, and later that week we met with her doctor, but we didn't make the drive back three hours away, we met him at his other office - only about 35 minutes away. He came in, and to be honest, he was probably somewhat overwhelmed at everyone in the room with Mimi at the time. My mom, my Nannie, of course Mimi, and I all crowded the tiny examination room and awaited anxiously for him to discuss the Chemo procedures. Truthfully, Mimi was stressed out about the entire thing. Can't you imagine? Thinking you have some minor issue one morning and by that afternoon it has been confirmed that you have been thrown into the pool with the other 53,000 people who are diagnosed with Lymphoma every year? Yeah, overwhelming is an understatement, but we kept encouraging her (and ourselves as we said it out loud) that everyone in our town was praying for her.
  To make a long story short, Mimi started her chemo treatments the week after Christmas, and I am so glad to say that she finished at the beginning of this month, and she is doing as well as she was prior to the diagnoses. I cannot be more thankful for an individual being in my life. She is the strongest woman I know, and all she had to do was have the faith of a mustard seed - and she moved mountains by the way she conducted herself, never losing strength, hope, and her sweet, sweet smile.

  So, while I left the blogosphere for a few months, a lot has happened, and God has orchestrated it all. He has been so faithful to my family during these last few months, and He has also given me a new person that I know I can count on - as well as keeping one here that I've always counted on.

Lastly, this blog holds so much of my past that I am proud of, but it also holds a lot of my life that I am thankful to have moved past. Do not be confused - I am thankful for every experience in my life, but I can also say that I have learned from many of them and moved on. I have started a new blog to document my new chapter in life, and I have chosen to keep it under my belt for now. I am in such a wonderful place in my life, and I cannot wait for the moments, days, months, and years to come. I am proud to have my family - and we are as close knit as ever, and I am proud to have David and his family because they are so close to my heart, too. With that being said, stay tuned to hear about my next blog link.

Thank you to those of you who have called, texted, emailed, sent cards, or reached out in person to my Mimi, me, and my family. You will never know how much a simple word of encouragement can mean to a person until you are in their position. It is so wonderful to know that you are backed by prayer warriors who genuinely care about your family and want the best for them. Your efforts will not be forgotten.

.."O LORD God Almighty, who is like You? You are mighty, O LORD, and Your faithfulness surrounds You." ~ Psalm 89:8 


Ferrell Boys Mom said...

I'm so thankful that your Mimi is doing well. I have prayed for her, and I knew that always our God was in control of the whole situation! I'm also thankful that you have found David. It is very important to have that extra partner in life that loves you for being you and not because they're related to you! Ha! I'm looking forward to your next blog! God bless!

The Lindley Family said...

Yay!!! So excited to read your beautiful writing again! So thankful for answered prayers....looking forward to hearing from you again soon!

P.S. My blog has more than been neglected, but I'm not sure I can squeeze another free moment in right now!

Laura Darling said...

It's so good to hear from you again! I am so glad that your grandmother is going to be okay. That must have been so scary for you, but she sounds like a pretty strong lady! And I'm so happy that you've found such a great relationship!