AH! I should get back in my blogging swing! This is just a quick update on the Photoshopping i've been doing. Thank you, Ashia, for installing it correctly. This Macintosh still blows my mind daily. Anyway, I've been checking out MckMama's photography "lessons", and she is very helpful! One day when I feel like wasting (or maybe it's not wasting?) I will sit down and play with PSE for a LONG time.!
This was a snap I took in our neighbors yard!
i edited this a little through iPhoto:
and i continued through Photoshop:
I know I have a LOT to learn, but it's so much fun!
know those places that you've been with someone, and you almost don't want to go back there again unless your with that same someone?
know those songs you can't really listen to without feeling like you have a gaping hole in your stomach?
there's a lot of places and songs that have that effect on me. It's a fortunate and an unfortunate thing, all wrapped into one. Sometimes I want to sit in the place and cry, and other times I can't help but be overcome with pure happiness that I've been somewhere with you to have such perfect memories. The songs also have a positive & negative effect on me, and some, I just have to click "next".
It's not that going back there hurts me or scares me. In fact, it doesn't at all do those things. The only way that it could remotely scare me was by feeling more than I really want to feel while i'm there. You simply have no idea how much a tiny millisecond of a moment can mean to you until you've had a second like that for yourself.
the summer was hot, and it was in full force. There was no breeze to break up the heat; the only thing that made the night a little more bearable was the darkness of it. You couldn't have written a scene in a movie more beautiful than the way this night plays out in my mind. There was nothing that made it award winning, it was just "one of those nights".
i had been away for four days, and i spent that time listening to your melodies over the phone, but that simply wasn't enough for me anymore. I wanted to see it with my eyes, hear it with my ears, and not have to listen through the lines of the phone. I wanted to be around your presence, and soak up every moment that I could. I wanted to make up for lost time. I didn't care what we did, we could be bored together, and I wouldn't be bored at all.
so, ending up on your front porch was fine with me. the rush of the city seemed to fade into the back round, and you & i were the only two people existing. For some reason it's always been easy for me to block out everyone else when you're around. We just sat & I listened to you. I didn't want to speak, I didn't want it to end, I just wanted to listen to you & watch in awe. That's exactly what I did. The moment could've been endless.
or maybe another time, when the fighting can't seem to cease, and neither of us will give in to an apology. When i've driven out of your driveway "never to return", but then i find myself in that exact same spot a week later? When I don't believe i can hold onto whatever it is that i've kept a grip to this long, i always dig through the doubt to find the shiny reason as to why i've held on this long. I despise going back there, back to those feelings, back to that hurt, back to that pain & brokenness, but that's what makes the better days the best. This is what droughts I have to face in order to appreciate sunshine, and I fully understand that.
the songs that "get me" are always the same. you, me, broken hearts, pasts, memories, this, that, everything that refers to us. It's always a couple of songs in particular that I can only bear to hear when you're by my side. The others allow me to reminisce on better days (or not-so-good days) i've shared with you. Maybe you've sang them to me, played them for me, spoken lyrics of them to me, or even played an actual role in them having not ever heard the song. Whatever it is, there's a reason behind why all of them, good and bad, have a gut-wrenching effect on me, causing me to pause for a moment in my day and let my mind run back to the very second that I decided the song reminded me of you. I like it when that happens, be it a good or bad memory. You being on my mind has never been something that i've been opposed to, although maybe sometimes I should've been, but we won't go there.
you see, music stands very high on my totem pole. It gets me through. Cliche? Yes. Do i care? No; because it is beyond the shadow of a doubt, the honest truth. So many times I find myself saying, "Well, you know... it was just... hold on... have you ever heard the song ----" That's just how I relate. That's my outlet. That's my therapy. Music tells a story, it triggers the mind into an intimately personal video that plays out, one only you can see, hear, and feel. Music is a powerful way of allowing someone to feel something without that person ever having to speak a word. It's an audible way for a person to decompress. I honestly don't know what i'd do without it because silence is too loud for me.
I am not much of a routine type person. Actually, I "say" that i'm "organized", and I like following a "plan", but that usually hardly ever happens. As far as my weekly routine, from 6:30am-5ish-pm i'm consistant.
lunch (sometimes at home, sometimes out with Megan).
Then it varies. This week i've tanned, come home, eaten supper, watched Idol, showered & gone to bed. Now, next week, that will be a totally different story & tivo will play a huge roll in my week (for sure!) I wonder how i've gone all this time without tivo..it's such a great asset.
who's your favorite?! .. let's see..
2 boys? 2 girls? .. okay. Here goes.
why? well, aside from his obvious beauty, he really has talent. I love his song choices (ex: Heaven, Bryan Adams), and he has a great personality on stage. Really though, he's just pretty.
why? he has a unique style that I like, and his song choices are also suitable because he has such an interesting voice. I like that he doesn't abuse his vocals during a song (some may say that's playing it safe, but in his case I believe it's playing it SMART! ha!)
why? definitely NOT because of her dreadlocks, although I guess they are interesting. I can't put my finger on a real reason as to why I really like her, but I do. She's my favorite female.
I'm not going to pick another girl because there's a toss-up between Katie, Siobhan, AND Lacey.
They all have their reasons for being on the same level with me.
Katie: Well, I like her story, and her courageousness. I know I wouldn't be able to stand in front of that many people the way she has.
Siobhan: she is somewhat strange, but I like that she's unique. She really just has some hidden pipes! I had no idea she could really sing until this week!
oh, how i wish it was you that i was dancing with, the one placing the flower to occupy my wrist, the caddy opening the door for me to step out. I wish it was your voice telling me that you were happy to be there, to embrace me with a smile. I wish it was you that would be the reason i lingered around, and you, the one i watched all night, but the arm that will be linked into mine is not yours, and oh, how i wish it was.
I would be caught in a blissful moment that no one could take away from me, and I would examine your eyes while the notes of a song played through and through. You & I would be the only ones around for a limited amount of time, and the moment the music stopped, so would the serenity of those seconds i got to have you close, motioning around in circles in a dim room with the lights down, and a million people around us. That is fine, for I could bare to deal with your tangled heart in my eyes for only a few minutes. I could handle listening you whisper lyrics of the song as we danced, but that clearly won't happen.
You're far, far gone from being the culprit of that situation, and it is clear to me that it simply won't happen. A girl can hope though, right? It's not that i'm weltering away on the inside wanting you to be there with me, but it would complete an unfinished story. A story that we unintentionally started years ago, and from then 'til now it is still, in some ways, being written. I have yet to find a place for a good ending, for the memories of it all always rush back when I least expect it. You, having so many flaws & wrongness about you, are in some ways, my hero. You've rescued me from being unloved. You've captured me into knowing what love is, and what it isn't. You've led me down a whole new philosophical path because if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't write this much.
All I can tell you is thank you for being the one I want to dance with, the one that I figure out before I even confront, the one who helped me discover love in its very own unique way, and most importantly, the one who has unknowingly been the subject of my writing for all this time.
first things first. I've been thinking a LOT this (January 20, 2009) post. It was beautiful for me.
i'm at a loss on what to blog about, really, so i thought i'd change things up again & instead of writing some "twisted" story about the way a certain thing has happened in my life, I thought i'd just blog about my favorites. Here is a list of all of my favorite random things! Feel free to join in.
Oh, and on Thursday I think i'll start "Thankful Thursday" we'll see how that goes! ;) Enjoy!
Any of these can be PLURAL:
Movie: -funny: the hangover :) -scary: vacancy romantic: the time travelers wife -suspenseful: shutter island
--also LOVE Avatar..i cannot talk about that movie enough.
Place: the creek in the summer, dirt roads with the windows down, and outside late at night (especially after it rains.)
Song: -sad: 10 Hours - Warren Barfield/ Set the Fire to the Third Bar - Snow Patrol -happy: (according to iTunes) You're the Love I Wanna Be In - Jason Aldean -dance: Billie Jean - Michael Jackson
Actor: I have to stay true to Josh Hartnett, but I also LOVE Leo Decaprio and Matt Damen
Actress: Rachel McAdams, Kate Winslett, and Blake Lively
Artist (Musical): -country:Eric Church, Eli Young Band, Jason Aldean, Taylor Swift, Lady Antebellum, Miranda Lambert. -rock: Daughtry, Nickelback, Avenged Sevenfold, Killswitch Engage, Seether, Shinedown, Theory of a Deadman. -other: The Script, Warren Barfield, Sara Bareilles, Sister Hazel, Ashley Monroe.
TV Show: Army Wives, Greys Anatomy, American Idol, and Ace of Cakes
Quote: .."not just for now, but for always." - can't reveal my source ;)
Instrument: by far, the violin & guitar.
Pet(s): my Marlee!
Word: phrase? "you bet!" and...for some reason, "disgusting".
Lyric: .."I let myself get lost in your eyes awhile, not another passenger in here can see how in my mind your holdin' me, while outside the cold makes snow out of the rain, but in here we're just strangers on a train."
Memory: -family: the beach trips when I was little, the ones I have now with my Mommy & Mimi, and Parris Island with my Daddy this summer (and all our hunting trips). -friend: ahh.. all of the countless miles we've put on our vehicles just riding & discussing life as we know it, my time spent with you, and getting to know love...for the first time.
Book: "A Bend in the Road" & "The Guardian" by Nicholas Sparks. I also love any movie about the Halocaust.
Smell: air after rain, cupcake/cookie candles, and weirdly: gasoline.
Color: any "earthy" colors..and black.
Sport: -to play: softball. -to watch: football & baseball.
Ice Cream: cookie dough & cake batter.
Drink: well, I love sweet tea, but i'm going on 61 days of JUST water (and OJ & Milk)
I'm excited to have linked up to Kelly's blog so that high school/college girls can connect. As she said, it sometimes seems like the "blog world" is for a bunch of mothers, but it's good to know that there are a few of us who AREN'T mothers yet that still find time to blog. :)
So, with that being said, I will tell a little more about myself.. and maybe later post a blog I have in mind.
As for now?
these are my parents!
this is my best friend, LCPL Brown.
my brother, (middle) & cousins!
my intermediate family!
my wonderful, wise Mimi!
my beautiful Nannie!
my sisters (aka - my softball team)
best friend, Megan.
best friend/childhood friend, Hollie.
Hollie, "sister-in-law"-Hannah, & Megan :)
last but not least, Kendall.!
if you were left out, it was for no particular reason! I have the greatest people in my life. I don't know where I'd be without them!