september serendipity.

Well, Houston, we have a blogger today...

I know it's been forever and a day, and I almost posted my "September Favorites", but really I don't have any! September has been an interesting month, but it's also been a good one! It has ended well, anyway, and I'm EXCITED about October. 

Labor Day weekend opened up with a dove hunt with my Daddy! We always have fun going together, and dove hunting is something I don't mind gettin' up early for. So, after the hunt we rode to the barn for a  family "get-together". Uncle Jay, Aunt Dale, and Beau came down to have lunch. We brought Marlee along. The boys fished, and we all visited and had a good time. 

September was also a month with a few birthday's in the friend's circle. Baby A turned TWO this month, and Hollie & I attended her "Alice in Wonderland" birthday party. She was a cute little Alice, and Ashia had the cutest decor for the party.

 

The next weekend, we took Austin to see "Disney Princesses Live". We shopped a little, ate Japanese, and the play was just as fun for Hollie and I as it was for her, and now we're anticipating seeing "Disney on Ice" in December! 

We also carried on our "We Three" tradition by celebrating Megan's 20th birthday at the barn, and she had the cutest cake! We spent a Sunday afternoon together opening gifts, watching "Something Borrowed", taking naps, and enjoying our time together. It really was a great day to celebrate a great person! Welcome to the "Twenties", Megan, we'll have to get used to it together! I love you! ;-) 

September starts my favorite time of the year. Not only is the weather starting to change, the leaves are starting to turn, and FOOTBALL is in full swing. I love high school football, and I don't know if that will ever change. There's a different air about high school football that you just can't find at a junior college game (or in the SEC for that matter), although I love those games too. Anyway, we have been going to all the home games, and we went to our rival away game (that we won, by the way)!

I think that pretty well sums up the month for me! I hope all of you are having a "Happy Fall" so far, and I will just speak for myself about the weather: I am in love with it. I wish it would never leav, but then I guess I wouldn't appreciate it like I do when it finally gets here! :) 

 .."No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace

                      as I have seen in one autumnal face." 

                                         ~ John Donne

Ode to the Realization that "Life Happens".

For an entire year, I have been caught in a haze of stillness where life happened all around me, and I just followed behind it. I moved where it moved, I saw what it let me see, and I became okay with the things taking place around me.
 With all the talk of graduation happening this week for so many people, including my small town high school where my feet walked the same row in the same building this time last year - I have been reflecting back on so many memories I had during my time there. It only feels right to write this now, a year later, because my thoughts are finally coming together. Disregard anything you've read about "growing up" from me up until this point. It is void. This, my faithful blog readers, is the honest truth.
 Just in the past week, I have taking a walk - a run - a stroll - a drive - down memory lane. People that made up so much of my high school career have fallen back into my heart the same way that they were for four consecutive years. They have reminded me of the feelings I felt during phases in my life, feelings I hold onto even now. The same people have been there for me through thick and thin, and they have never left my side. The girls that I call my best friends are still true to me by holding my hand through every rough patch I come to, and the others - well, they know their place.
 You see, I haven't thought throughout my first year of college that this is a stage in growing up. I have let myself believe that it's just another year of memories that I will wrap up and call off later. The truth is, this is a new season in my life. This is where LIFE truly begins. But the beautiful thing is that I've caught myself letting life happen instead of living it. I've just recently been slapped in the face by reality as it screams, "you are growing up. your friends are growing up. things are changing, and they won't always be here."
 How true is that? My womb-to-tomb friends are moving on with their lives, and I am too - but recently it's seemed like I have been watching them move forward while I ask myself, "What will I do without them?" Let me state clearly to you that I have no regrets. I have lived and loved more than you would possibly understand. That is NOT what I'm saying. And granted, I know I am moving forward in my education, and I am by no means doubting my future because I know Who holds the plan in that, but it has become so real to me that after this year the things that have really always been a constant will no longer be. 
 I have started dwelling on this because I have learned over the course of the last few days that this is my last summer with them, and I wish I had taken more advantage of last summer because even then things weren't so different. You were still here, and life seemed right most of the time. Changing isn't a huge issue with me when dealing with paint colors, moving furniture, and transitioning to different atmospheres, but when you throw change into my relationships - we have a totally different case on our hands.
 As I sit here typing this with tears in my eyes, I want you to know that this is a change that will take more than a "pep talk with myself" to get over because in some sense of the situation - this change is permanent. This all has to happen in order for our lives to begin, and I could NOT be happier for the people I love and the accomplishments they've already achieved. I would NEVER try to hold them back from doing their best, seeking their passion, and I will be the first to stand up and cheer them on as I watch it unfold - but only having the memories of our time together to reflect on seems so overwhelming and difficult at this very moment. My last 5 years of life have been basically the same. Sure, I've had some who have entered for a season, but for the most part I have kept you all in my own way. 
 I feel like everyone goes through this "crisis" (and I really emphasize the quotes here) at some point when they realize that life is happening to them. I am, by no means, unhappy. I am blessed, thankful, and appreciative for the people I know, places I've been, and things that are left in store for me. Please don't tally this up as a "poor pitiful me" post. I don't mean it in that sense at all. 
 I just felt like I should write about the way some of you may have felt in the past, or some of the feelings that are to be felt in the future. This isn't easy, yet it isn't horrible either. This is the way things go, and I know the ones who have truly been there for me all this time won't stray after distance brings us apart, I am not naive to the fact that it will be difficult. I just believe this summer is the epilogue to the rest of them as we wrap up our last few summer night drives down dirt roads, singing to songs that make us feel happy, walking barefoot around an old pond dam, and sitting in the back of trucks with the sound of locusts squealing in the background. All of these things have happened, all of them I've looked forward to with each last day of school. 
 Now? I will cherish every moment I have like that this summer.  I look forward to the times that we can take advantage of the little things I hold onto. I will try my best to better understand the connections that have bonded us for so many years. I will hang on to every second of the time spent with each of the special people I have in my life. I will continue to remember the summer's that have molded me into the individual I am today. I will not let go of the love that radiated the night's of three consecutive months for basically all of my teenage life. Those nights that turned into those mornings that were really afternoons will always be ours. 
 I can't let my mind wander back without remembering the impact you have left on me. In this second right now, I can't imagine forgetting you & letting you walk away as if nothing ever happened. You are the main ingredient to the reason that the smell of a late summer night reminds me of you, and you are the icing on the cake of the afternoons we spent together. You are the voice of the past that rings in my ear as I playback the days that I thought would never end. You have taught me a lot that I know about myself, and we've stood beside each other as we have grown up. Throughout every season of my life, I've always found you amongst a crowd of people. You have made me happy; you have made me sad. You have forced feelings of weakness, and encouraged moments of strength. You are beautiful to me, and no one - not even you when you think of yourself at your worst - can change my opinion. You are more than one chapter in the book of my life. NO one knows me like you all do. No one tries to understand me like you do. And no one, no one could ever love you more than I do now, have in the past, or ever will. No one can take that away.

phonetoblog

OK!! I'm calling this my "phonetoblog" because all of these images came from my camera on my phone! If any editing was done, it was through my app "LittlePhoto" and I love it. OK! Also, I am using "Blogger-droid" to type this post, so this is a trial run at how it will turn out. Oh, sweet technology.
Here's the story behind each photo!

1. The broken teacup:
While shaving the lumps out of my pinch-potted teacup, I squeezed too hard on the Earthenware (unfired clay mold) and it shattered. I had to start the process all over again, and I was nearly done before I took this photo.

2.) Ferris & I:
This was on Ferris' birthday at his "tailgating party" after the game...complete with his cake that I had to taste after putting my gum on his plate. Ha! That's true sibling bonding. Love you, Ferris!!

3. Fivefingers:
well, you can clearly tell why I had to take a photo. How interesting are they?? So. Comfortable. So. Unique. So. Cute!!!

4. TOMS:
I couldn't not get these. They are black, grey & white with "journey is the destination" all over them.

5. Teapot Malfunction:
my friend, Shannon, got a tad carried away while talking to me one day in class, and ended up with this. Typically the spout holes and the handle are supposed to be directly across from each other.

6. Baby Turtle:
I found him on the white line of the road at the Refuge, picked him up, drove him to a "safe zone" (tooksomerealphotos), and set him free! :-)

7.) Sunset:
I don't even have to tell the story for this either. All I can say is That I'm lucky to have been given the opportunity yo witness it.

8.) Feathers:
I got "feathered" yesterday by Claire, and I am loving them so much! I see myself keeping them throughout the summer. They're fun! And extremely temporary!

There. Now if this is completely unorganized, forgive me. I am testing this form of blogging. I will probably only use it for blogs like this - to keep you up to date with my phone's memory card. Hope you enjoyed! :) Happy Wednesday!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Sunrise in Turkey Territory.

5:30 is an unfavorable time of the day for me. I don't intend to get accustomed to it, although when I do allow myself to crawl out of bed (and sometimes I do literally mean crawl), I am always thankful for the sights I see, the things I hear, and I'll be the first to admit that when the day breaks in Turkey Territory there is no other sound that i'd rather have fill my ears.

 You see, I once was a turkey hunter. Wait - let me rephrase that... I once went hunting about twice a year to suffice the general public's shock when I answered, "No, I'm not really a turkey hunter." This is hard for people to believe because my Daddy's Daddy &My Mamma's Daddy enjoyed were obsessed with turkey hunting, and MY Daddy & brother bleed turkey feathers. That blood clotted once it got to me, but I would go to say that I went. I hated walking around, chasing around a smart bird, trying to avoid sticks, and training myself to breathe as quiet as a mosquito in order to make as little sound as possible. I would be aggravated with myself by the end of the morning, and I would tell myself I'm never coming back.

 However, this year I have had a change of heart. I don't know if i've fallen in love with the beauty of a turkey, or if I just longed to hear the echo of their gobble throughout their territory. Either way, an urge has been brewing inside of me to go with Daddy. 

 Now, for the many of you who have gone - I'm sure you have your own way of going about things, and my Daddy does too. I just follow him like a shadow, putting on my mask when he puts his on, placing my boot in the footprints he just made, stopping when he stops, listening when he listens, holding my breath as he holds his, you get it. I mirror his actions... or... I try. 

 Once we got out of the truck, I was putting the vest I borrowed from him my gear on, and I glanced at Daddy on the driver's side of the truck. He seems to be a tad distraught with the mosquito repeller, and he seems to be in somewhat of a hurry. Daylight hasn't broken yet, so we're not technically running late, but we probably should be walking somewhere instead of fighting with a bug killer - it was 35 degrees, but he knows best, so I said nothing. It was funny for me to see him racing with himself and the sunlight. I can honestly say that I haven't ever had to beat daybreak, but sundown? That's another story for another day. Onward.... Sometimes I think he should be part of the Navajo Indian tribe. He can walk through a brush pile & never crack a stick. He can hear like an elephant with a hearing-aid in, and he's always been able to. He can see like an eagle, and he can spit out information & facts about almost anything just like a verbalized encyclopedia.

 We have the funniest conversations (that I'm sure won't be as funny for you because ya kinda had to be there) while we're in the woods. 

I was telling him about the rattlesnake that I stopped & let cross the road last year, and this was how the conversation went:

Daddy, "I'm sure an ole' rat family isn't too happy with you for that."

Me, "Yeah?"

Daddy, "(in a raspy voice, talking as a rat) Well... if she had just ran over him, Mamma'd prolly still be alive.." 

***************

Yesterday, we went to listen for one in the afternoon. I saw something ahead of us in the road & asked Daddy what it was because I couldn't tell yet. (see comment about him having the vision of an eagle), he said:

"Looks like a piece of wild trash to me!" 

Sure enough, it was someone's garbage they had thrown out their window. Geez.

 Anyway, I was thinking of all those things as we made our way to where we would listen, and out of no where, just like someone rang an alarm to wake them up, turkeys start gobblin'. They sound like they're in a 5 gallon drum. The pitch of their call bounces off every pine tree out there. We're in Turkey Territory, and they're awake - ready to play. As I sit & wait on the next one to pipe up and play its tune, I notice the sunlight creeping in on the evergreens, just as if it wants to say hello. There's hardly no wind, which is good, and I'm too worked up to be cold from the low temperature. So we sit, they gobble, we listen & re-evaluate. We did this 4 times. None were successful, but then again they were. 

 All the while of walking back & forth and around in circles, it became clear to me - just as it does every time I decide to wake up before sunrise, of just how awesome God is. He not only created the plants that color the earth, but He gave them light from the sun that paints the most beautiful colors across the sky. He created the creatures of the earth that fill a once quiet patch of land with songs just as the day breaks. I consider myself lucky for every opportunity I take advantage of seeing a sunrise, sunset, or the beauty of the way that animals react around each other without knowing they're being watched by human eyes. 

 Although my morning didn't end with a kill, I enjoyed it, and I look forward to going back. Turkey territory is a new place for my feet to walk on, but I'm willing to allow myself to get used to the feeling of a spring morning sunrise amongst my eyes, and a bright green dewy ground under my toes.

"Waste not the smallest thing created, for grains of sand make mountains.." 

- E. Knight

white blank page.

getting caught up in moments.

acting on impulse.

over-thinking.

under-thinking.

holding on.

taking less when feeling like more has always been given.

getting carried away.

running from issues at hand.

being full of ungratefulness.

and.

so.

on.

These are things that I believe every eye reading this can relate to. These things may happen to you on a normal basis. You may be guilty of these things more than once a day. As I face you through words on the other side of the computer, my mind can go back to instances where I have been caught in the middle of each of these scenarios. I won't bore you with all types of things to think about, but I will bore you with a few, anyway.

getting caught up in moments, for example, is one I find myself doing all the time. I don't necessarily think this is a bad habit, actually. To me, it to me is a wonderful habit. Say you're on a nice afternoon stroll to the refuge and you're struck with a moment to just be still & take in the atmosphere around you. Sometimes, those are moments you may never forget. The serenity, the peace, the colors, the beauty, or the simple sounds of a summer afternoon.
It is a wonderful habit to be in the middle of a crowded room of your family at Christmas & let your mind stop only to remind you of just how precious the people around you are - reminding yourself of the influence they've had on your life by living from examples of the people who lived before you were born. Their words from meaningful conversations you've had with them dance through your head, and your heart nearly burst with happiness knowing that THEY are YOUR family.

acting on impulse is a constant struggle. Sometimes I allow myself to speak the instant thoughts that come to my mind, defending myself in a way that could have been handled differently if I had taken the time to think about what I was saying. I believe that you, as I said earlier, could probably nod your head in agreement when I say that I'm 110% sure there has been at least one moment in your years of living that you wish you could go back to, if only for a second, and tweak a sentence or two of something you've said to someone (or about someone). I know i've been there. That's the beauty of impulse, though. It is a sudden act, and during this act - sometimes words are spoken that you may not even realize you're saying until it's all ready been said. But as you know, by then it's too late, my friend.

holding on can come in all types of disguises. For me it's been covered in five years of denial with the outfit of pride to clothe its stupidity. You see, holding on, to me, is more often a bad habit than a good one. The past is obviously over, but you're making the future your past whenever you hold onto it like Lionel's (Charlie Brown) blue blanket. This can consume your daily actions, thought process, and sometimes even your life. Allowing yourself to be consumed in the hopes of the past coming back and reliving itself is clearly unhealthy. The hardest part about it, to me, is deciphering between "holding on" and simply "remembering". I'll get back at ya'll when I realize where that thin line is drawn. :) Moments are fragments of time that are unplanned, accidental, or non-intentional, and these moments can be unforgettable in a wonderful way or a horrible one. Why do we allow ourselves to go back to these instances when moments, unforgettable ones, were made? Well, because we want to remember the way they made us feel, so we can find that same feeling in another moment or so we can run far away from it. Holding on happens. Holding on is a form of coping, in my opinion. It is also consuming over the mind and cloaked in garments that are appealing yet deceiving.

being full of ungratefulness can't always be detected for me. It usually rushes over me like a raging waterfall all at once.  I can be in the stillest of moments, and suddenly my mind reminds me of things that I have taken for granted. Sometimes, as I mentioned earlier, there are times when I am in the moment & nothing else is going on around me when I can be still and be grateful for whatever it is that I am experiencing. Other times, there may be something that triggers my thought process that takes me back to weeks or sometimes months beforehand when I should have been thankful for an opportunity that had been given to me, and it had simply slipped my mind.


These are daily struggles. This is just something to think about. Let your mind take you through the list of things at the top. Where do you draw the line for these things happening daily in your life? Are they struggles or situations that you shrug off your shoulders? Whatever they may be, these scenarios happen in an everyday life. It is neither a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. It is life, and it is really only a matter of whether or not you want take the time to notice them.


To think that this post was simply a big white box of nothing when I began, not knowing what it is that I wanted to blog about.....


...now you're full of information that is probably useless for you, but it's simply therapeutic for me to type out. Thanks for enduring it.

From Vikings to Veterans.

Ahh.. SO strange to be out of my "assigned blogging" element for today, but I wanted to actually let you seep into my thoughts for a minute. (Oh, how boring that may be!) I will finish out the assignment after this post. Enjoy!

VETERANS DAY

Ya'll.. I am SO proud to be an American. 

EVERY. Single. Time. I hear the National Anthem, I want to shed a little tear. We have so much to be thankful for, and I am blessed enough to have people in my life who keep our rights & privileges in tact.

This morning I was leaving town for class, and as I made my way down Main Street, I couldn't help but notice the illusion that the flags created all down the main strip. It was red, white, and blue seeming to be stacked on top of one another lining the side walks of our town. It was such a humbling site to see.

There's nothing quite like a small town.

How true? 

It's true for many reasons.

(One being that in a HUGE town, I may have been so overwhelmed by traffic or pedestrians that I wouldn't have noticed the flags, or maybe in a bigger town they wouldn't have put flags out). It is also true when it comes to hometown sports. 

Last night our small town gathered around the gridiron to have a unique pep-rally for our 8 man (yes, E-I-G-H-T man) football team. They had a whopping 9-1 record at the time that we were all sitting, chilling (literally), in the stands. Let me first warn you that the "1" came about during our last regular season game, and our perfect season was ruined when our rival team upset us.
One by one the cheerleaders were introduced, waving their pom-poms in the night air, and cheering. They then took their place on the field, forming two lines, facing one another. 

The boys of the team were called out by their grade, and they made their way through the cheery cheering cheerleaders. They held their heads high; they walked with pride. 

A local preacher said a quick something before he prayed over the pep-rally, the people, the attitudes, and the outcome. He said he remembered "meeting" them at the beginning of the season & being so proud to stand there last night to say a prayer for them and their travels [today].

"The Boys of Fall" (originally preformed by Kenny Chesney) was sung by a high school Senior from the school, and the boys started a standing ovation. I was listening to him practice from my front porch just days ago, as the notes of the song echoed throughout our little city.

Then, the cheerleaders yelled a few chants, getting the crowd rowled up and the boys excited. They put smiles on peoples faces, and they ensured hope into the boys minds. Cheerleaders tend to do that, in my opinion. They are always behind the boys cheering whether the score is 75-0 or 0-75. The boys know they can turn around and SOMEONE will be yelling a chant for them.

After that, they made their way back to the sidelines while the boys kept their seats on the first few rows of bleachers. & the pee-wee girls made their way out to put on a show. There's nothing like mini-me cheerleaders, cracks me up! They're so darn cute. 

Next, Coach Jeff Terrill stood in front of the boys an motivated them about their upcoming game. He spoke about their statistics and how they didn't matter now. Every game that had been played prior to this one was over, and now it was time to start anew.. tomorrow... on the field... with another team who want a win just as bad as we do. He reminded them that 1:00pm wasn't an ideal time for a football game, and that required some adjustment, but basically - he set them up to be prepared. He spoke to them about having will and going to do their best. 

They were then greeted by Deuce McAlister. (former Ole Miss player & NFL Saints player) He motivated them as well. Coming from someone who's been there before, I can only imagine the honor the boys felt having listened to those two men.

I haven't played a day of football in my life, and his [Coach Terrill's] speech made me want to suit up & hit somebody! The entire night had that affect on me. My body was overwhelmed by chill bumps more than once, and it may have been partially due to the temperature, but it had a LOT to do with the presence of the town, the atmosphere that surrounded me, the closeness of our school & athletic department, and the love of the game that was shown through nearly every individual there. 

Today the boys set out at 8:00am to face the Championship game - something that hasn't been done in our football history in quite some time. Nerves filled the bus seats, and the parents were proud to slip on their blue and gold and motivate south towards the gridiron. Many fans followed, but some stayed home and listened to the game via talkshoe.com. 

We waited anxiously for the game to start, and by half-time the opposing team had 12 points on the board. Family and fans kept their faith, and we waited until the second half. 

During the third quarter, we scored 2 touchdowns with no conversions.

The Vikings went on to call a loss at the end of the game 58-12, but they didn't lose a fan. If anything, they gained fans for bestowing class among all the people they were around. They could have stormed off the field or caused a scene, but instead they kept their cool. I wasn't there to see it for myself, but I would hope that they walked off the field the same way they walked onto it - with their head held high.

Sure, there were tears. I'm sure there were lots of tears, but those tears don't just come from having less points on the board - those tears come from having to leave it there, never getting another chance in high school to change that score, the memories they take with them as they carry their colors to the locker room for the last time. Those tears come from the happiness, saddness, anger, love, compassion, and brotherhood that those boys have made over the last thirteen years, 

and it all came down to today. 

They became veterans today. Veterans of high school football. Sure, they haven't fought overseas, but they've fought for wins, for each other, for their colors, for their school, for their town. 

I couldn't be more proud to be a Viking. I wouldn't have it any other way.  

I couldn't be more proud to THANK a Veteran, to know a Veteran, and to love several Veterans.

You're not forgotten.

We'll always remember you.

country must be countrywide.

 I always love being in the outdoors with my daddy. It's one thing that I feel like we share together. Everything I know about the outdoors is due to him. It never gets old being out there because he always has a different story to tell, more history to enlighten me about, and more memories to fill me with. It's so neat to listen to the stories he remembers that took place on the same soil that we stand on as he speaks them to me. 

Yesterday we took Marlee out. Daddy wanted to show me around to some changes on our land, and I wanted to take Marlee with me because I neglect her too often. I feel bad for doing that, but sometimes I feel like "life just gets in the way of things" and she gets the blame for it. How crazy is that? What can I say, she is a dog to you & a person to me :) ..She thinks she's a person, too. Ha!

she'll be three on October 29th.

she likes the water.

okay, she may love the water.

her love for water is definitely unconditional.

then she catches a glimpse of daddy or me,

and here she comes...

barreling towards us..

and she just smiles =)

i just love her.

i really, really do.

 as much as i love this time of year..

okay, so I definitely love her more, of course, but i do love fall.

Mallard Marlee Made 

in little towns like mine, that's all they got; newspaper clippin's fill the coffee shops..

Everyone tells you that you'll miss it.
Everyone says it won't be the same.
No one elaborates.


 There's that rumble that seeps out of the cracks of doors & windows repeatedly, "ohh... it's friday night again" I would tell myself as I walked the routine walk into the gym for the pep rallies. So hot. SO hot, humid, and loud. Girls go flying in the air & shades of yellows & blue spark all around. They were not quiet at all, and they wanted us to join them in screaming to the tops of our lungs until our faces were blue & our eyes were bulging - and we did, and we loved it.
 Then the boys would walk in with their khaki pants on & that old tattered jersey, but they wore it with pride. Unlike the girls representing, they were reverent, focused, and in the midst of becoming mentally prepared. It was friday. It would soon be friday night. That meant, it would be time for friday night football.
 There's a different smell in the air on friday nights. It is a smell that can take me back to those hometown bleachers no matter where I am. It is a smell of victory, sweat, defeat, hard work, sportsmanship, dedication, and school spirit. It leads me all the way down those halls, up the hill, across the gravel, over to the sidewalk, & up the stairs to search for a seat. A seat where I can sit to watch my classmates, my best friends, my not so best friends, coaches, and my favorite cheerleaders make the night everything that it's about. It's the smell of high school football, and it's one i'll never forget.
 The sun is almost setting and the boys have yet to warm up. I'm scrambling to grab my camera & get out the door because I need a little socialization time before I get on the field to shoot. I would usually make it just in time to see them lined up at the locker room getting ready to make their way outside. The cheerleaders show up with their hair teased & curled. The ribbons bled with blue & gold, and their eyes shimmered with sparkly shadow. There was plenty of time for hanging signs, but they were always in a rush: a rush of excitement, anxiousness, and some of them even nerves.

 Back to the players who were now circled around the edge of the field, yelling numbers & spelling "Vikings". Sweat was building on their brow, and butterflies were entering their throat to settle into their stomaches for the next couple of hours.
 The scoreboard calmly counted down the seconds 'til kickoff, and the choir made their way to the top of the bleachers in search for a microphone. The crowd is gathering, and the lights seem to be gettting brighter. The players & cheerleaders are all aligned on top of the spray painted box with their hands intertwined with the ones who stand beside them. There are kids running wild with energy who stop in their tracks for the next few minutes, and everyone takes reverence as the preacher prays over tonight's game, players, and visitors. The anthem rings loudly across the town. It is loud, beautiful, and always a little emotional for me. It's that time again.
 The football is kicked off, and the crowd cheers accordingly. The rest depended on the players & the inevitability of the game, of course.
Fast forward...
 I can remember the feeling I had on graduation day. It was really like any other normal day [until right before we walked out because I had to give a welcome, and I sounded like a crazed person giving a "welcome" at prom, and there was 5x the people at graduation]. I wasn't sitting at home saying "I can't believe this is happening, yaddy, yaddy, yadda..." And the same feeling consumed me after the tassels turned. I didn't cry during the "ceremony", and I wasn't going to need any type of depression pill to tide me over for the next few days. It was summer. I was free. No school, tests, games, etc.... It was good - for awhile.
 Then.... softball started. & i went back to all those warm hot summers I wanted to go home & never turn back around. I went back to the first year of fast-pitch when I stood on my right corner base & wondered WHY IN TARNATION i had decided to go through with this. I wasn't a quitter; I knew that. As bad as I begged & pleaded, I was stuck.. in the heat.. clueless.. and closely resembling a red pepper due to the July sun. I wanted to be swimming, laying out, or napping for Pete's sake! Anything other than chasing some silly yellow ball around a field of steaming dirt that seemed like it was handpicked by the devil straight from Hades.

 My mind then drifted to spring slow-pitch. The first few practices were so cold that it felt like tiny needles were seeking your face as a pin cushion. The bat was heavy & the sting that shot through your fingers, palms, wrists & elbows was crucial. You wore so many layers that throwing the ball was nearly impossible. in fact, we looked like the Michelin man trying to do pilotees most of the time,
but...
 I loved it. I loved putting on that jersey knowing that I had a team to lead & represent. I loved slipping into those cleats & making my way to the field. The rattle of the fence as we got rowled up, the echoes of the cheers when we hit a nice ball, the claps of a good throw made after an outstanding play in the field, all of it rushes back every time I see an empty field. I imagine the ghosts of my graduating team out there making the best of all the games we had left. The laughs & cries on those two fields will never again be replaced with our own individual salty tears or hot breath. It was ours at one point in time. Our sweat, our blood, and our love for the game dripped off of our bodies onto the field, and it will stay there. It may get trampled by cleats, slides, and old athletic tape - but guarantee that it'll be there, and we'll never forget any of it.

 Then I allow myself to come back to reality and take into consideration the things that are in store for my life. I can only look forward now, but I can also hope that those who are in the position that I was last year take these things to heart. I hope they write down in their memory the way they feel when they know they're playing one last game. Stepping across that foul line is subtracting each time you do it, and although maybe at some point you wish you weren't sweating to death or freezing, & maybe sometimes you wish it hadn't rained so that the ball wouldn't be so slippery & the field wouldn't be so muddy..those are memories. Those are the times you will never, I mean ever, have back.

& now all that's left is to, in some ways, live vicariously through the students that have the opportunity now.

you should have seen it in color.

actually, I should have seen it in color. 

i thoroughly love being with my daddy in the woods; nothing else matters to me when i'm there.

there's just some days when i like to leave town in the rearview and be able to step out in the country & just be still for a moment. 

i try to grasp the little images in my mind; the ones that i can't capture through the lens of a camera like the smell of the air, or the feel of the grass on my feet & the wind in my face. 

sometimes though, there's just no way of explaining it. You just have to be there to see for yourself. 

& when daddy starts talking about the "way things were" when he was growing up, I imagine him doing the same thing. I can see him trying to take in every second of the beauty that surrounded him.

we can be standing out in a broad open field, and he portrays a story of his childhood to me, making me feel as if it were all taking place right then and there.

there are so many things that he speaks of that used to be so different compared to now, and I know that when i'm telling stories to my children (Lord willing!!), they will probably say the same thing.

i guess the truth of it all is that everything, no matter when or where, had it's time of beauty & remembrance. There was a day when it had its time to "shine".

 

& maybe now it has rusted, whithered, or faded away, but that's where people like my Daddy come in and bring it all back to life for me to see it the way he did. 

and that is when i truly wish I could've seen it in color.