& it's everything i need from you knowing you'll wait for me.

Monday I said goodbye to my very best friend. He's always been there for me, thick & thin. The great thing about our relationship is - no matter what, we always pick up right where we left off. It doesn't matter how long it's been since we talked last, it's the same everytime.

He meant more to me than most people realized, and has forever molded a place in my heart, and I won't ever be able to forget him - no matter what.

I'm gonna miss you calling me to talk when you're on your way somewhere. I'm gonna check my phone randomly in hopes that I have a message from you. I'm going to look for you on Friday nights at the football games, along the fence, furious with the boys playing. I'm going to want you to be here whenever I don't know what to do about something, and i'm going to try & think of what you WOULD tell me - if you were here. I'm going to need you during SEC football to explain the plays (without getting aggravated). I'm going to reminisce the drives through Starkville, and the meals we had together. I'm going to watch Saw 6, and write you to tell you every detail - because that's what you asked me to do. I want to hear your favorite songs (that I hate) with you, just one more time. So, in August, be prepared.
You have always meant so much to me, and I am afraid that I never told you. Although we can still keep in touch, hearing your voice & feeling your hugs is completely different. You've been my saving grace for so long, and you know more about me than a lot of people. I will FOREVER cherish you, and forever love you.

Mt best friend is a strong, selfless person. He (along with his brother, and one of his best friends) are serving our country. They are courageous men, and I give them all the respect in the world. Men are needed, THESE men are needed. They are some of the most amazing people I know, especially Clint.

"Well, i'm fixing to get rid of the phone, so i'm going to say my last goodbye now! I love you and i'm going to miss you!"
"I'm going to miss you too, and I love you Clint. Stay strong. I'll write you asap."
"Ok! Good, I will. I'm looking forward to it."
"I love you! Remember that!"
"..foralways"


"You are not alone tonight, imagine me there by your side.
It's so hard to be here so far away from you.
I'm counting the days 'til i'm finally done, i'm counting them
down, yeah, one by one.
It feels like forever 'til i return to you, but it helps me on those
lonely nights, it's the one thing that keeps me alive knowing that
you wait for me."


I will miss you Clint, and you'll be on my mind, each and every day.

Foralways,
Agape,
Unconditionally.
Quierre de tu, para siempre,
831431.

i'm stripped down, torn up about it.

he can't just leave.

do we dare to cross that line between your heart & mine, would i lose a friend or find love that would never end..

favorite txt of the day: " "...i thought about you :-) I love YOU!!!!"
i'll miss those, i really will.

Today was a do-nothing day, and i enjoyed it, until i looked at my clock and it read 6:34 and i realized i had seriously DONE NOTHING all day.
I'm one step closer to seeing Saw 5. & i'm excited about that.

One thing i find myself doing on do-nothing days is thinking, alot. I have had alot on my mind. Things i can figure out myself, and things i'm scared only God knows the answers to. I really hate this situation, it's one i've never had to deal with before, and i'm torn apart. Not only do i NOT know what to do, sometimes i don't even know what to say.

To have someone walk into my life so unexpected,
to be the best friend i could've ever asked for,
to be there for me when no one else is,
to cheer me up when i don't even want to giggle,
to talk to me when i'm in the foulest of moods,
to hug me until all my tears have dried away,
to kiss my forehead when saying goodbye,
to hold my hand when they know something's on my mind,
to listen when the world is screaming at us,
to talk when i've run out of words,
to be there when it seems everyone else has fallen short,
& then have them leave just as unexpected as they came in, sucks.
I didn't ask for the friendship, i didn't ask for the bond, i didn't ask for the memories, and i didn't ask for the love that's filled my heart for them in one simple year. But i got it, all of it. And i'm a better person, i believe, because of it.

When i say it sucks, it doesn't literally. This is life, this is now, and this is the way it's going to be, and i'm willing to accept that, it's just that i know i'll feel as if the relationship is too far gone after awhile of being apart, and ...i wasn't looking to have my heart broken over a friendship i thought would be around forever.

Now you're thinking that i always see the negatives, but if you know me well enough, you'll know that i'm preparing for the worst. Because if i do that, things can only turn out for the better. Right? Right.

& even after crying myself to sleep,
calling your name back to my house when you've left once already,
spending 3 straight hours with your hand in mine, talking of everything,
it still isn't over.
it's only begun.

I know God has a plan. I'm so excited to see how it turns out, because i want nothing more than for a smile to be on their face, a laugh to be in their heart, and a joy to be in their presence when they know they've done all they can, and they've gone the extra mile.