what you probably didn't know.

Well, I have to admit a few things first:

• I have neglected my blog, but it's been for good reasons.
• I have made a new (private) blog, but I will share it when the time is right. 
• I have had no drive to blog whatsoever - that is, until today. 

Okay, so some of this post is going to keep me smiling, while the rest may draw a tear, but I have to tell it all.

       During the first of October, I met the most incredible man I have ever known (aside from my Daddy - because he will always be my #1, of course). I remember him walking into my office hour at school, and something about his shy attitude captivated me. The more I got to know him, the more I realized how sweet, sincere, and truly kindhearted he really was. He lives in the sticks, lets me ride the tractor with him, and always wants to know about my day. We don't have to be going somewhere all the time for us to enjoy being together, and I can literally sit with him on a three hour drive and never have the urge to turn on the radio because I enjoy nothing more than having a conversation with him. We never run out of things to say to each other. Really, how often does a girl find that these days? Someone who is in LOVE with his family, and he still makes room to love me and remind me of it everyday - even when we aren't able to visible see each other. I see a glimmer of my Daddy in him - they both have a wonderful sense of humor, and they both know exactly what to say to me to make me feel better. He meshes so well with my family, and I have prayed about that! I am truly thankful that everyone gets along, and my family loves him, too!

      David & I have been together close to eight months, and I have honestly never been happier. I have all the reasons in the world to smile knowing that he's got my back, supports me, and does not leave my side. Little did I know at the time, but that would be exactly what I needed in the months to come.


Fast forward to Thanksgiving.

    My family had all been together for lunch, and I was anxious for the rest of my family to finally meet David in person after hearing so much about him! It was a happy day. We left, full as ticks, and went home to debate an afternoon hunt. While we were at home, Mom called. She told me that she was worried about Mimi because she had shared with her after lunch about having a knot on her stomach. I kind of dismissed it a little because I didn't want to worry until we knew for sure. Despite the fact that Mom had told me not to mention it, I had to tell David because I needed someone to be there to understand my thoughts IF it did turn into anything other than nothing; plus, he could clearly tell something was wrong.
    After weeks of test, back and fourths to doctors, and not being exactly sure of what was going on, Mimi had an appointment in a town three hours away from our hometown. I was anxious that day, but I tried to dismiss it again because I was taking my final Algebra test (which also determined a passing grade. Ya'll, I'm a math whiz! Except, not really.) Anyway, when I got home, I knew things weren't right, and Mom came in while I was pouring a bowl of cereal for supper. I waited anxiously through the small talk, and I never pushed her to tell me anything. I kind of felt like she would say it when she got the strength up to do so (she's always trying to be strong), but with Daddy lingering close by, I knew it wasn't good news.
    The next few moments are a blur to me as Mamma carefully explained the way the day had gone, and honestly I can't recall anything she said. All I heard was "cancer". What? Excuse me, huh? CANCER? No. No - because she is my grandmother. Not only is she the definition of grandmother, she is also the definition of ONE TRUE BEST FRIEND. She truly, truly is. All of the sudden, my world stopped, and I felt like the blood had been sucked out of my entire body, and the wind left in my cells evaporated into a salty pool of tears.
    I couldn't help but be selfish about the entire situation. If this was cancer, would she be at my graduation? My next graduation? Am I going to be able to call her & tell her I'm engaged? See her ushered down the isle at my wedding? Watch me start a family? -- I knew I was getting WAY too ahead of myself, and ultimately I knew that God was in control, but I was so doubtful for weeks. I wanted myself to believe that "He was in control" and "He knows what's best", but in reality I could only think about what I PERSONALLY thought was best. She NEEDS to be here with ME. She has to be on the other end of the phone line when I'm mad at everyone else in the world, and she has to be my voice of reason. She always has, and I just kept saying while talking to Hollie & David that "I can't be without her."

That is the truth.
Amen.

  The next few days were spent praying, crying, and wondering, and later that week we met with her doctor, but we didn't make the drive back three hours away, we met him at his other office - only about 35 minutes away. He came in, and to be honest, he was probably somewhat overwhelmed at everyone in the room with Mimi at the time. My mom, my Nannie, of course Mimi, and I all crowded the tiny examination room and awaited anxiously for him to discuss the Chemo procedures. Truthfully, Mimi was stressed out about the entire thing. Can't you imagine? Thinking you have some minor issue one morning and by that afternoon it has been confirmed that you have been thrown into the pool with the other 53,000 people who are diagnosed with Lymphoma every year? Yeah, overwhelming is an understatement, but we kept encouraging her (and ourselves as we said it out loud) that everyone in our town was praying for her.
  To make a long story short, Mimi started her chemo treatments the week after Christmas, and I am so glad to say that she finished at the beginning of this month, and she is doing as well as she was prior to the diagnoses. I cannot be more thankful for an individual being in my life. She is the strongest woman I know, and all she had to do was have the faith of a mustard seed - and she moved mountains by the way she conducted herself, never losing strength, hope, and her sweet, sweet smile.

  So, while I left the blogosphere for a few months, a lot has happened, and God has orchestrated it all. He has been so faithful to my family during these last few months, and He has also given me a new person that I know I can count on - as well as keeping one here that I've always counted on.


Lastly, this blog holds so much of my past that I am proud of, but it also holds a lot of my life that I am thankful to have moved past. Do not be confused - I am thankful for every experience in my life, but I can also say that I have learned from many of them and moved on. I have started a new blog to document my new chapter in life, and I have chosen to keep it under my belt for now. I am in such a wonderful place in my life, and I cannot wait for the moments, days, months, and years to come. I am proud to have my family - and we are as close knit as ever, and I am proud to have David and his family because they are so close to my heart, too. With that being said, stay tuned to hear about my next blog link.

Thank you to those of you who have called, texted, emailed, sent cards, or reached out in person to my Mimi, me, and my family. You will never know how much a simple word of encouragement can mean to a person until you are in their position. It is so wonderful to know that you are backed by prayer warriors who genuinely care about your family and want the best for them. Your efforts will not be forgotten.

.."O LORD God Almighty, who is like You? You are mighty, O LORD, and Your faithfulness surrounds You." ~ Psalm 89:8 

the wheels on the bus...

I spent my morning back on campus moving students in for Ambassador this morning, and I have to say - I'm not DREADING school like I thought I would be. Granted, I'm not excited about Chemistry, but I will pull through - hopefully.

I've spent the last week figuring out how to spend my day without my two favorite girls. I have enjoyed keeping them SO much, and I miss them to pieces everyday since they've started school.

Last week, Mamma & I went to Tuscaloosa shopping, and we had a great day! The town is so much different because of the tornado, and it was really surreal to see in person. I shopped a little too much, though, but I did need some "back to school" clothes. AND I withheld from buying out the entire Ulta store!

I just wanted to check in & let you all know I'm alive! :) I am just enjoying the last few hours of summer, and I'm looking forward to next weekend as well.

By the way, God is good AND life is good. What else could I ask for?

white blank page.

getting caught up in moments.

acting on impulse.

over-thinking.

under-thinking.

holding on.

taking less when feeling like more has always been given.

getting carried away.

running from issues at hand.

being full of ungratefulness.

and.

so.

on.

These are things that I believe every eye reading this can relate to. These things may happen to you on a normal basis. You may be guilty of these things more than once a day. As I face you through words on the other side of the computer, my mind can go back to instances where I have been caught in the middle of each of these scenarios. I won't bore you with all types of things to think about, but I will bore you with a few, anyway.

getting caught up in moments, for example, is one I find myself doing all the time. I don't necessarily think this is a bad habit, actually. To me, it to me is a wonderful habit. Say you're on a nice afternoon stroll to the refuge and you're struck with a moment to just be still & take in the atmosphere around you. Sometimes, those are moments you may never forget. The serenity, the peace, the colors, the beauty, or the simple sounds of a summer afternoon.
It is a wonderful habit to be in the middle of a crowded room of your family at Christmas & let your mind stop only to remind you of just how precious the people around you are - reminding yourself of the influence they've had on your life by living from examples of the people who lived before you were born. Their words from meaningful conversations you've had with them dance through your head, and your heart nearly burst with happiness knowing that THEY are YOUR family.

acting on impulse is a constant struggle. Sometimes I allow myself to speak the instant thoughts that come to my mind, defending myself in a way that could have been handled differently if I had taken the time to think about what I was saying. I believe that you, as I said earlier, could probably nod your head in agreement when I say that I'm 110% sure there has been at least one moment in your years of living that you wish you could go back to, if only for a second, and tweak a sentence or two of something you've said to someone (or about someone). I know i've been there. That's the beauty of impulse, though. It is a sudden act, and during this act - sometimes words are spoken that you may not even realize you're saying until it's all ready been said. But as you know, by then it's too late, my friend.

holding on can come in all types of disguises. For me it's been covered in five years of denial with the outfit of pride to clothe its stupidity. You see, holding on, to me, is more often a bad habit than a good one. The past is obviously over, but you're making the future your past whenever you hold onto it like Lionel's (Charlie Brown) blue blanket. This can consume your daily actions, thought process, and sometimes even your life. Allowing yourself to be consumed in the hopes of the past coming back and reliving itself is clearly unhealthy. The hardest part about it, to me, is deciphering between "holding on" and simply "remembering". I'll get back at ya'll when I realize where that thin line is drawn. :) Moments are fragments of time that are unplanned, accidental, or non-intentional, and these moments can be unforgettable in a wonderful way or a horrible one. Why do we allow ourselves to go back to these instances when moments, unforgettable ones, were made? Well, because we want to remember the way they made us feel, so we can find that same feeling in another moment or so we can run far away from it. Holding on happens. Holding on is a form of coping, in my opinion. It is also consuming over the mind and cloaked in garments that are appealing yet deceiving.

being full of ungratefulness can't always be detected for me. It usually rushes over me like a raging waterfall all at once.  I can be in the stillest of moments, and suddenly my mind reminds me of things that I have taken for granted. Sometimes, as I mentioned earlier, there are times when I am in the moment & nothing else is going on around me when I can be still and be grateful for whatever it is that I am experiencing. Other times, there may be something that triggers my thought process that takes me back to weeks or sometimes months beforehand when I should have been thankful for an opportunity that had been given to me, and it had simply slipped my mind.


These are daily struggles. This is just something to think about. Let your mind take you through the list of things at the top. Where do you draw the line for these things happening daily in your life? Are they struggles or situations that you shrug off your shoulders? Whatever they may be, these scenarios happen in an everyday life. It is neither a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. It is life, and it is really only a matter of whether or not you want take the time to notice them.


To think that this post was simply a big white box of nothing when I began, not knowing what it is that I wanted to blog about.....


...now you're full of information that is probably useless for you, but it's simply therapeutic for me to type out. Thanks for enduring it.

if not for those i've loved along the way..

A lot weighing in on my mind today, but the main thing would have to be understanding just how precious life really is, and just how often we take people for granted.

Looking back on people I've loved throughout my lifetime makes me wish I had done things differently sometimes. Of course, when we're younger we're always "on the go", and as I "age" a little more - I find myself trying to grasp at most any opportunities to spend time with the people I love.

Today I went through every Facebook message that I had sent since 2006, and I realized just how much things change in only 4-5 years. Friends change, people change, relationships change, life just changes. It's not always an "all-the-sudden" thing. Sometimes, it's a gradual change in character. Other times, it IS sudden.

My fondest memories of people who have made Heaven their home are a tad foggy, but I try my best to keep them in a corner of my mind. I don't want to lose a single ounce of memory that involves those precious people.

I can feel the wind in my face as we raced down the gravel road with no destination in mind, but I always felt so alive and free, yet safe & sound when I was with you. You would let me guide the four-wheeler all around, and you always made me laugh. I have so many memories of fishing with my daddy, ones that I'll never forget, but your fishing trips are also unforgettable. I could be downright discouraged, and you would give me a little push to keep on fishing. "There's a joe-darter right there..just wait", you'd say. I think I spent most of my summer's on the pier with you, and I wish we could fish one more time. You meant (and still mean) so much to me and your family. Your legacy lives on in the lives of my brother, my three cousins, and your children. You showed us all how to love the outdoors with our whole hearts. Your laugh was contagious, and it filled the entire room. People couldn't help but smile if they heard it, and the same goes for your tales of hunting.

I always loved coming to your house and exploring through your jewelry. You definitely had an eye for uniqueness. Your love for America astounded me. I wish I could share so many things with you. Like, for instance, how I now find myself looking for unique things. My friends even sometimes say, "it's very unique..it's you." I like to believe you had a take on that. I'd like to share with you how I am in love with America. I can remember swinging on your side porch and the crystal bowl of candy you kept in your living room. I loved your back yard, and I remember helping with your garden. You were such a sweet & gentle woman, but your beliefs were stern & strong. You didn't let anyone talk you out of believing in something, and I loved that about you also.

I wish I could remember more about my time spent with you. I know that from what I'm told we are the exact same person. People who knew you & know me always say that. Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches were only good at your house, and coming to your home in the country was always a joy for me. Your house had a distinct smell, and I can be anywhere today - smell that particular smell, and I automatically think of you. About a year ago, we went through many of your things & I found so many pieces of yours that I fell in love with. You were also a unique person, and you were so strong willed. You raised my most favorite man in the whole entire world, my number one man, and you raised him to treat people with his upmost respect. You showed him strength that he has displayed for my family well - especially over the last few years. You taught him that doing things for others is the only way to live, and I can't thank you enough for that.

These are just a few people who have touched my life. I know this was a heavy post to read.

Take advantage of the time you're given to spend with the people you care about. Remember those times, and don't take one single second for granted.

:) 


I remember waitin’ by the curb with Mr. Murphy
When daddy picked me up from school his eyes were red
We drove to the hospital in a hurry
Where my family gathered round my Grandpa’s bed
He was my best friend
He taught me how to fish
And I cried listenin to my daddy pray
For one of those I’ve loved along the way

She had a ribbon in her hair the day I met her
That whole next year we couldn’t get enough
And after graduation she took off for Denver
And for awhile we both tried to keep in touch
She was my best friend
And it broke my heart
But I don’t regret the day that she became
One of those I’ve loved along the way

And I hope they know
I never woulda made it this far on my own
Where would we all be without those
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers
The friends I’ve made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn’t be who I am today
If not for those I’ve loved along the way
Along the way

Now I’m just a country boy with a guitar
Lookin’ back down this old road I’ve been travelin’ on
It was never about tryin’ to be some big star
For me it’s always been about these songs
You see they’re my best friends
They’re the life I live
And I hope they put a smile on the face
Of those that I’ve loved along the way
‘Cause I wouldn’t be the man I am today
If not for those I’ve loved along the way


-Those I've Loved, Eric Church

new blogger, youtube, tornados, and tv shows.

First of all, I should apologize for not posting a DISCLAIMER on my last entry. I looked horrid, no makeup, wild hair, crazy attire, and you weren't even warned. Welcome to my life. Oops. So, sorry - better late than never, right? On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't have apologize because that's me on a fairly regular basis. Hm...

Okay. Whatever. Onward.

I have been trying to convince a young grasshopper that I know, also one of my best friends, to enter the blogging world. She & I read an UNREAL amount of blogs on a daily basis, and while I've been blogging around 4 years, she has resisted the pressure that I've put on her. That is, ...until now!! So, without further words on this small upgrade in the world -- go check out Hollie's blog! Leave her an encouraging comment! ;)

If you are wondering about all these random photos of the country, these were taken the day after the tornado I mentioned in my 2010 Recap, and I forgot I had taken them. Oops! 

I really didn't even capture the seriousness of the storms repercussions. In some places it was completely devastating to see.

The sky (on the other hand) was phenomenal on Saturday. I "forced" Megan to ride around with me while I harassed the damaged areas that had been affected (effected??) by the storm. *THANKS, BEST FRIEND!! =)

I used to be really firm in the belief that Google could answer all of my questions about anything! I still believe that it provides helpful information, and I am ALWAYS googling something (which usually leads to me Amazon-ing it), but lately I have been investigating products, movies, books, etc, on YOUTUBE. I love hearing other peoples opinions on things, and that makes it really easy. 

Is anyone watching the Bachelor? I'm not sure how I feel about Brad, but I will say that my favorite girl is Emily. She is so genuine & sweet, but Brad seems a tad bit sketchy to me. The way he says "Hello" bothers me too, and he always acts OVERLY concerned about each girl. I don't know. Maybe it's too early for me to form a true opinion, but as of right now - I think he's putting on a show. He SEEMS to be sincere, but I kind of feel like he's trying too hard to BE sincere & it's resulting in ... fake. 

In that same sense, I think these girls should chill out over the fact that he didn't pick anyone on the last season he had because 1.) at least he has some boundaries for himself 2.) everyone has made mistakes of their own in the past; they just may not be publicly displayed on tv. tres.) that's 3 in Spanish. Only one person will understand that, and they will more than likely never read this. 

And why am I concerned about Brad the Bachelor? Because I have nothing else to be concerned about tonight. Really. 

Class resumes tomorrow at 11. I will be the first to say that one day & a half of a morning out of school spoiled me; especially considering the fact that we JUST started back to class last Wednesday, and it wouldn't even qualify as a TRUE class period. Except for Bio2, but that was to be expected. 

Last - but MOST definitely not least .. My main man Garth has been serenading me at home during this "snowed in" holiday we've had for the last few days. I fell asleep with his playlist going on my computer last night, and when I woke up this morning I had a sudden urge to dance. That's totally normal at 9am, right? Well, when you listen to Garth -- anything is possible. :)

Have a good night and drive safe tomorrow!

quick post.

i have been savoring the last few days of Christmas break.

it seems like everyone else has gotten back into a routine, and just when I start thinking, "Ha ha ha - i don't have to yet!" .... BAM! Back to school.

i switched out my sock drawers today, and this is always a truly depressing time for me. I love socks. NOT white socks, of course. Christmas socks, Halloween socks, Valentines Day socks, ANY kind of holiday-ish socks...I want/need them. I wish Thanksgiving and Easter made socks. How fun would that be? I'm a tad crazy about socks. I have (for the past 3 years and counting) put socks on the top 5 things on my Christmas list. I never get festive socks for Christmas, always "anyday" cute socks, so that made switching out my drawers a little more bearable. It was still hard. Until next year, my friends. Sigh

i hope your New Years came in with a "BANG". Ours did. We had terrible weather that we insisted on staying out in, and honestly - it's fun to say that we weathered "a horrible tornado". Maybe that makes me crazy? I think it just makes me a tad adventurous with a side dose of rebellion..maybe?

as far as New Years resolutions go, I don't have one really set into stone like i did last year, and quite frankly - I think with the general public on the whole "New Years Resolution cliche" thing, but I think I mainly SET one to see if I can prove the people wrong who DON'T think I can do it.

that being said - the 2 (main) ones I am dealing with are: cutting (WAY WAY WAY) back on chocolate/sweets, and not using the straightener as much on my hair. I can't say that I will quit either cold turkey (like I did the sweet tea/caffeinated drinks), but having the mind set to try is always a good start. Right?

the other one that isn't such a huge deal, but then again it kind of is to me - bringing my blog back to the original reason for starting it. I was talking to Megan today about blogging, and I was telling her that I don't do a whole lot of "in depth - wonder who she's talking about" post much anymore. I enjoyed those simply because it was a stress reliever for me. I wouldn't do this all the time, of course. Only when I felt the need to vent or have a redheaded fit :) I just feel like I would lose interest in the people that now come to read my blog more often than when I had 5 or 10 "followers".
i guess this is the part where you tell me to "write what's on my heart" or "say what's on your mind", but sometimes you may NOT want me to do so. The truth still is that this is my blog, and the only problem with saying, "I will say what I want" is that anyone with access to the intriguing world of the WWW is subject to read it. Scary? Sometimes.

Lastly, I have read over the last years (maybe not all, but most) worth of posts, and I have noticed the UNREAL amount of times that I say "WE". If I do not mention other names anywhere beforehand, I am talking about We Three as in: Me, Megan, and Hollie. - now you know. :)

Highlights of Christmas break:

- late night road trips :)
- festive socks
- Strangebrew Coffeehouse
- Umi
- Megan coming home
- time with family
- hunting
- Realtree Roadtrips 6 & 7 :)
- Rockband with former classmates
- reminiscing
- (ashamed to admit it, but..) Lifetime Movie Network with Hollie & Anna until 3am
- new phone !!!!
- new movies
- dandy doodlez with my Aunt & cousins
- Local Culture
- ending a year & beginning a new one.

Happy New Year, again! 

Did you make resolutions? Do you have New Years Eve traditions?

little project...

I try to change out my chalkboard that I have hanging in my room, and I know i've showed it to ya'll before, but I did (somewhat of...) a "tutorial" on how I made mine for Christmas.

Warning: this has potential to be extremely confusing/boring. :)

"prime" your chalkboard. (ha)

this requires a wet rag.

grab your sidewalk chalk. 

(this came from Freds, but you can get it anywhere.)

I started at the top left corner with one circle. 

start from the outside of the circle & work your way inside to fill it in.

under that, add 2 more,

under 2, add three,

and so on...

on the smaller one, I started at the base of the top tree and made a smaller "ball",

filling them in the same way as you did the top.

you can make this tree as thick or thin as you'd like. I went with a smaller size for this one.

after that, make the base of your tree. I started out slim at the top, and I made the base a little thicker. 

write "Merry Christmas" or whatever you'd like.

Then, I filled in the boring areas with polka dots (yellow & white) and "stars" (that's such a loose term for whatever those are! Ha!)

Viola! 

;) 

also, I painted my nails today to "get in the spirit".

ignore my gross fingers. 

I used:

 Sally Hanson 07 Cherry Red

& Art Deco in Green.

I primed my nails & after-coated them with:

Sally Hanson Maximum Growth (clear coat)

Dear Readers, I can explain...

Hello, All.!

I have not fallen off of the blogging map. The truth is, I have a hard time blogging about my "day to day" adventures because they rarely change. 

I'm finding out that I like a routine. I have gotten into one during this semester, and I have a feeling that getting used to a new one is really going to throw me for a loop, but I normally don't have too big of a problem with change. We'll see.

Finals start tomorrow and continue through Monday & Tuesday. I made it through Biology I without having to take the final, hallelujah! I also made it through my drawing final as well. (Maybe i'll post a photo of my final project if ya'll are interested in seeing it). 

The truth is, I've just been sidetracked this week. We've had tests or due dates in every class, and I've been working on a website as well. Yes, I said it, and yes, I broke down and created myself one. 

I'm not sure if this was a wise investment or a waste, but right now i'm excited about it. I will post the link to either my Facebook (photography page, the "link" for that is to your left) or I will blog the link, so you can view it directly from here. I'm still working out a few kinks, and it is not nearly as artsy as I would like for it to be, but hey - it's a name, it's "official" (to me), and it's a start.

I hope all of you are enjoying the Christmas season.

I plan on doing a few Christmas posts with traditions, and I thought about doing a home tour of the decorations, but ya'll can let me know if you're interested in that as well.!

I look forward to reading your comments.

Have a great weekend.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Twenty Five!

Day Twenty Five: What you've learned....

What I've learned? Uhh.. About what? 

Hm.

I've learned that after high school, LIFE GOES ON. It's hard to look back & see some friends of mine still in that stage of their life, but they don't know anything other than that. They haven't moved towards something new yet.  There is a 90% less drama around my life due to not being in high school. Things get easier, I promise!

I've learned to hold tight to the people you HONESTLY love, and sooner or later you'll figure out if keeping the grip is worth it. Those who matter will hold on just as tight to you, and those who don't will find their way elsewhere. 

I've learned that doing things for others makes you feel far better than doing something for yourself ever will. 

I've learned that love, in all of its definitions, is one thing. It is surrounding yourself by a totally imperfect person - yet seeing them perfectly through your eyes. It is not always wanting the better from someone, but seeing the best in someone. It is everlasting, steadfast, and true. It is whole, pure, and full of emotion. It is not a feeling to take lightly or disregard; it is worth suffering for. I've found that love is not just a great thing, but it is the GREATEST thing God gave us to enjoy here on earth. 

I've learned that everything will work out in its own time. It may not be now, tomorrow, or next week, but when it does work out - you will find yourself looking back thankful that it happened when it did.

I've learned that regrets are nothing but broken memories you wished you had handled differently, but what can you do about the past? You remember it only to teach yourself to learn from your regrets and to be proud of your accomplishments.

I've learned that you are going to come across people in your life who can't have no will to change, and you can't help them change. It is hard to believe in these people, and it is also hard to be civil; I am learning everyday that I should be more understanding of people like this. 

I've learned that following your dreams is the best advice someone can give you because if you're not fulfilling your dreams, what can make you happy? In your life there are ups and downs. Following your dreams (as crazy as some of them may seem) are never impossible. If you can dream it, you can do it. Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself by people who are encouraging, loving, and happy too. Do something for other people, not because you have to, but because you want to. 

Don't waste a day unhappy because tomorrow is never certain.

"Above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:8

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day Twenty Two!

Day Twenty Two: Something that made your day...

Well, today Megan, Hollie, and I took part in the Frosty Follies (or "Open House") that our town has every year around this time.

 It's always so much fun to go to each little store and check out what they have out for Christmastime. You start out at any store that is participating, pick up a card with each store name on it, write your name & cell # on the back, and you get your card "punched" at each place. Once you've reached your last stop, you turn your card in and there is a big drawing at the end of the day. The winner recieves a basket with accents from each participating store. Needless to say, there was lot's of fun going on in town today! 

Although, it did NOT feel like Christmastime weather. 

It was hot. 

"It's hot to the point that some people might consider wearing shorts today..seriously" as Megan said after she took Kenlee out this morning. 

currently watching: toy story.

That title has absolutely nothing to do with the entry today. I am mainly posting for:

1.) Hollie & Anna's sake

2.) to inform you of a personal goal of mine. 

3.) because i've gotten comments from posting this past weekend, and I truly had no idea that people were still interested in my blog! 

1.) We have an annual Christmas session every year around this time, and actually I have these three individuals to thank for letting me experiment in my photography with people. Some people make me more comfortable than others, and i've been around these my whole life. They know that I can be indecisive, slow, and scatterbrained. They also know that when I have something on my mind, we're going to do it - or else..... :) Just kidding, but seriously, they really do cooperate well with my crazy mind & ideas floating around everywhere. So, I edited tonight, and here are a few of my favorites!

Next! 

 Yes, brace yourself for anther hunting story photo. I would write a story, but I won't bore you with that. (You can read the first one here - I had to write a paper about my favorite place to be, and it was, of course, hunting with my daddy. This is what I turned in) Today's story, is a "first" for me!

My First Bow Kill

October 5, 2010

thanks to all of you who still drop by my blog. I am SO unfaithful, but I don't want to blog about nonsense either. :) Have a good week. 

ps: 

 Aren't ya'll lovin' fall? What are 3 of your favorite things about fall? You can comment regardless of having a blog. Comment as "Anonymous" and sign your name at the end! 

my favorite fall photo.

in little towns like mine, that's all they got; newspaper clippin's fill the coffee shops..

Everyone tells you that you'll miss it.
Everyone says it won't be the same.
No one elaborates.


 There's that rumble that seeps out of the cracks of doors & windows repeatedly, "ohh... it's friday night again" I would tell myself as I walked the routine walk into the gym for the pep rallies. So hot. SO hot, humid, and loud. Girls go flying in the air & shades of yellows & blue spark all around. They were not quiet at all, and they wanted us to join them in screaming to the tops of our lungs until our faces were blue & our eyes were bulging - and we did, and we loved it.
 Then the boys would walk in with their khaki pants on & that old tattered jersey, but they wore it with pride. Unlike the girls representing, they were reverent, focused, and in the midst of becoming mentally prepared. It was friday. It would soon be friday night. That meant, it would be time for friday night football.
 There's a different smell in the air on friday nights. It is a smell that can take me back to those hometown bleachers no matter where I am. It is a smell of victory, sweat, defeat, hard work, sportsmanship, dedication, and school spirit. It leads me all the way down those halls, up the hill, across the gravel, over to the sidewalk, & up the stairs to search for a seat. A seat where I can sit to watch my classmates, my best friends, my not so best friends, coaches, and my favorite cheerleaders make the night everything that it's about. It's the smell of high school football, and it's one i'll never forget.
 The sun is almost setting and the boys have yet to warm up. I'm scrambling to grab my camera & get out the door because I need a little socialization time before I get on the field to shoot. I would usually make it just in time to see them lined up at the locker room getting ready to make their way outside. The cheerleaders show up with their hair teased & curled. The ribbons bled with blue & gold, and their eyes shimmered with sparkly shadow. There was plenty of time for hanging signs, but they were always in a rush: a rush of excitement, anxiousness, and some of them even nerves.

 Back to the players who were now circled around the edge of the field, yelling numbers & spelling "Vikings". Sweat was building on their brow, and butterflies were entering their throat to settle into their stomaches for the next couple of hours.
 The scoreboard calmly counted down the seconds 'til kickoff, and the choir made their way to the top of the bleachers in search for a microphone. The crowd is gathering, and the lights seem to be gettting brighter. The players & cheerleaders are all aligned on top of the spray painted box with their hands intertwined with the ones who stand beside them. There are kids running wild with energy who stop in their tracks for the next few minutes, and everyone takes reverence as the preacher prays over tonight's game, players, and visitors. The anthem rings loudly across the town. It is loud, beautiful, and always a little emotional for me. It's that time again.
 The football is kicked off, and the crowd cheers accordingly. The rest depended on the players & the inevitability of the game, of course.
Fast forward...
 I can remember the feeling I had on graduation day. It was really like any other normal day [until right before we walked out because I had to give a welcome, and I sounded like a crazed person giving a "welcome" at prom, and there was 5x the people at graduation]. I wasn't sitting at home saying "I can't believe this is happening, yaddy, yaddy, yadda..." And the same feeling consumed me after the tassels turned. I didn't cry during the "ceremony", and I wasn't going to need any type of depression pill to tide me over for the next few days. It was summer. I was free. No school, tests, games, etc.... It was good - for awhile.
 Then.... softball started. & i went back to all those warm hot summers I wanted to go home & never turn back around. I went back to the first year of fast-pitch when I stood on my right corner base & wondered WHY IN TARNATION i had decided to go through with this. I wasn't a quitter; I knew that. As bad as I begged & pleaded, I was stuck.. in the heat.. clueless.. and closely resembling a red pepper due to the July sun. I wanted to be swimming, laying out, or napping for Pete's sake! Anything other than chasing some silly yellow ball around a field of steaming dirt that seemed like it was handpicked by the devil straight from Hades.

 My mind then drifted to spring slow-pitch. The first few practices were so cold that it felt like tiny needles were seeking your face as a pin cushion. The bat was heavy & the sting that shot through your fingers, palms, wrists & elbows was crucial. You wore so many layers that throwing the ball was nearly impossible. in fact, we looked like the Michelin man trying to do pilotees most of the time,
but...
 I loved it. I loved putting on that jersey knowing that I had a team to lead & represent. I loved slipping into those cleats & making my way to the field. The rattle of the fence as we got rowled up, the echoes of the cheers when we hit a nice ball, the claps of a good throw made after an outstanding play in the field, all of it rushes back every time I see an empty field. I imagine the ghosts of my graduating team out there making the best of all the games we had left. The laughs & cries on those two fields will never again be replaced with our own individual salty tears or hot breath. It was ours at one point in time. Our sweat, our blood, and our love for the game dripped off of our bodies onto the field, and it will stay there. It may get trampled by cleats, slides, and old athletic tape - but guarantee that it'll be there, and we'll never forget any of it.

 Then I allow myself to come back to reality and take into consideration the things that are in store for my life. I can only look forward now, but I can also hope that those who are in the position that I was last year take these things to heart. I hope they write down in their memory the way they feel when they know they're playing one last game. Stepping across that foul line is subtracting each time you do it, and although maybe at some point you wish you weren't sweating to death or freezing, & maybe sometimes you wish it hadn't rained so that the ball wouldn't be so slippery & the field wouldn't be so muddy..those are memories. Those are the times you will never, I mean ever, have back.

& now all that's left is to, in some ways, live vicariously through the students that have the opportunity now.

maybe it was southern summer nights.

let's go back to the moment i stepped foot in your truck. my heart's emotions flew through my throat, causing me to be unable to think of words to say. I thought to myself about how traumatized my nails would be after this night, due to me biting them to the bed. I wondered what was in store, but I tried not to get ahead of the game. You and I could already write a story. The words you speak to me are said so beautifully that no one, even if they tried, could shape them into anything less than what they actually were. I found myself in a place that I've never been before, and it was actually somewhere I always wanted to be. I heard myself spilling to you about times past, broken relationships, mended heartaches, and bad pasts. You never once stopped me to interrogate me; you just drove and listened intently. Your quick moments of silence when you would slow the truck to a stop, look over at me, and finally say "wow", were always sudden and unexpected. The reason behind them all? Unbelief. Believe it or not, it was unbelievable to me to that someone had hopped on my train of life when I least expected it and was a simply wonderful person.
 Once you were sure that I was finished talking, I would curl my legs in the seat and begin listening to you. As the streetlights vaguely made your eyes shine, I wondered how this had all really happened, and how it was happening to me; the moment, the beauty, the serenity, everything seemed too surreal to be true. You opened up to me like no one else has before. You talked to me of the way you had been treated and the way you desired to be treated. You told me your likes, your dislikes, your passions, your hates. You wanted nothing more than to be right where you was with me, and I scaredly agreed to wanting the same thing. Although we had been in that situation a MILLION times, it was all so new to me to see this side of you.
 As we drove down that road that winded until it was as almost too narrow to drive on, the trees curled over us, and the moon shone brighter than I can remember of any other night this time of year. After taking a left at the almost forgotten stop sign, we were led to an old bridge. You made your way down towards the bottom of it, and the rolled the windows down. We sat there with the breeze gently making it's way throughout the truck, and the music softly playing in the backround. There was silence, but not an awkward silence at all; it was a silence that spoke. In that moment it all fell together, and I wasn't sure about much at all, other than things were changing.
 The nights to follow could simply add up to the others we've had together. We never ran out of words to say, and even if we happened to, the quiet was never too loud. If we weren't having a deep intellectual talk about life and it's simplicity, we had the best time by singing with your radio turned up as if no one else was around; the moment, the world, the night... it was all ours.
 We've for hours on end and I always wanted one more minute after we say our goodbyes. We could have stayed up until sunrise texting of things that amounted to nothing, and it would have been exactly what I wanted to do, and I wouldn't have blamed a minute of sleep deprivation on you. You were such an animated person, one who made ordinary unordinary in the best way possible by turning a nonchalant conversation into something that would put a smile on my face.
 You've taught me a lot about myself that I will always carry around in my pocket. You've helped me understand. You've lit a path for me that I had never seen, and you didn't even realize you were doing it. You unconsciously cared about me without even trying; it was totally effortless. You saw things in me that I was blinded by for so long, but now I can see it all clearly. I respect you for that.
 As i sit here, holding back the tears that want so badly to freely flow down my face, I look back over these past couple of weeks. I'm taking in the beauty of it all, and i'm counting it all as an experience of a lifetime, one that I never, in all my years of living, want to forget.
 To me, it's been a beautiful tragedy. It's been a fabulous disaster. It's been painfully romantic. I wouldn't trade one single second of being with you, talking to you, or thinking about you for anything else in the world. You really have made an impact on my life that I will cherish.
 I don't understand life and the way it goes sometimes. I don't often understand people, but I do know that they make mistakes, and the only way to fix those mistakes is to retrace your steps back to the very beginning of where everything went wrong, and try your very hardest to make it right. That (in my opinion) is all one can do, is try. You don't have to forget; I know that's asking a lot, but forgiveness, at this point, would be appreciated.
The magic of all those memories we made in such a short amount of time will stay with me. There have been no other like it for me, and although you've seen a few more moons than I, I'm pretty sure you could agree that there was a little bit of perfection in those last days.

But all of that is gone now. I don't want your forgiveness. I don't want your blessing or your pity. I want you to be completely erased because I can't stand the thought of you haunting around my life anymore. There have been so many opportunities for me to just be real with you and tell you that NOT ONLY do I not are to be around you, I don't care to talk to you, see you, or hear your sarcastic personality. You've had your chance to have a true and sincere relationship with me, and you've blown it every.single.time. It hurts for me to say that I have to move on, but I do. I can't go on believing that all of this is okay with me. It isn't. I can't see you as the fairy tale I once thought this could be because the harsh reality of the entire situation is that you're nothing like i've let my mind believe you were. You will never change, and you're okay with the person you are. Bless your heart. Bless the heart of the one who ends up allowing themselves to be okay with your sour, selfish attitude. I don't envy them, I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for them because I know how they feel, trying to make you be someone you're really not, trying to put you so high on a pedestal that you're in the stars... it isn't healthy. I just wish change for you. I wish you could see you the way I saw you so that you could turn yourself around for the better. This has gone on too long, and goodbye isn't too far away.
 Presently, i don't know when it was when i realized that all of this had changed for me. I don't know if it has even really set in, but I feel that way in my heart. There are so many things that I used to love about you, and now I can't see past all the wrong. It's as if there are huge boulders blocking the "good" in you, and for some reason I don't have the strength, desire, or "want to" anymore to try and move those boulders. It would take too much energy; energy that I spent trying to get you to understand the way that I felt about you all this time, but it never seems like enough.

 you see, a little bit of my heart breaks to think about this because not only is my mind making my heart move on, but this time it seems to be an utter feeling in my soul - a feeling of change and clarity, and I think I like it. 

 You've always been so confusing to me because one minute I believe that you do no wrong at all, and the next minute I can't see one RIGHT thing that you've ever done. The truth is that you've disappointed me. You've held me here to believe one thing, while in turn your back has been turned and you've been living the life you really wanted to live. without me. without regret. without anything to hold onto, other than a memory. Yet, on the other side of the spectrum, you (in your own way) hold me up to doing absolutely nothing because it's just not okay with you for me to do what I want to. I've always let you control that, even if I never said it out loud to you. 

and again.

Second time to blog today. Can you tell that I get super bored here lately? Get used to these rapid updates for the next six weeks! (Minus maybe next week; i'll be taking it easy at the beach!)

Today Mimi, Nason, and Megan came over for lunch. I told Ashia that patriotic holidays are quickly becoming my FAVORITE! I love to see American flags all over the town, hear the patriotic music, see the facebook statuses and tweets, etc. etc. etc.!

we had a spread! 

Daddy cooked shrimp...

Mamma cooked hashbrown casserole...

and corn on the cob...

and layered salad...

and rolls...

and she'd kill me for posting this because she said it was "so ugly", but those are usually the best ones, right? Plus, it was chocolate, sooo...can you really go wrong?

It was soo good. 

I enjoyed being with my family (and Megan, which she is basically family, HA!), and today it didn't hurt SO bad to swallow. The fatigue just seems to be getting worse though. 

Next, Ashia also told me that I should check out some "Coming Home" photos. Ya'll, let me tell you, they are all beautiful. I'm hoping that Clint & I get put on today's post =) Check them out, if you can! And add yours if you have one!

fourth time's a charm?

Well, it's been an interesting past couple of days!

Since the last time I posted, I have been to the doctor three other times! Until today, they didn't know what was wrong.

Monday I went and they took blood and gave me two shot (a sinus one and some other kind?), they told me to keep taking the antibiotics, and they sent me home!

Yesterday I went because nothing was helping, and the antibiotic wasn't giving me temporary relief. I still couldn't sleep at night, and swallowing liquid was becoming extremely difficult. They took blood from my finger, then from my arm, changed my antibiotic, and gave me another shot. They also tested for mono.

Last night, I started having a shooting pain all the way down my neck into my chest. The medicine that had been prescribed earlier hadn't eased any pain, and the shot didn't seem to phase me either.

So, this morning we went to a different doctor, and he said that he believes it IS mono, but the test results won't be back until after lunch sometime, so we're still waiting to hear about that!

It's a relief to me knowing that they may've figured it out (not that i have some rare disease!). It's been so frustrating to not feel good, and especially to not be taking a medicine to make the pain a little more bearable.

On a totally different note! I have gotten all of my "online" purchases in these last two weeks, and i'm so thrilled that i haven't had to send anything back!

  i got those two lenses from here. Kyle Hancock recommended me to it, and I'm really excited about trying them out! 

 i ordered these two from Amazon! (THAT is my new favorite place!!)

 and (probably my favorite) purchase is my new non-pandora Pandora charm! 

That's all i can think of right now, but i'm also looking into some Waxing Poetic things, and then i'm sure i'll take the rest to the beach and to Montana! 

Have a great holiday weekend, and don't forget the reason for your day off work. We live in a country with men & woman selfless enough to give their lives in order to protect and preserve our rights and freedoms as Americans. I am so grateful to have such a close friend in the military, and I hope that he knows just how proud and thankful I am for him. Thank someone in the military this weekend if you have a chance! I know it will mean more than you could ever believe! 

Semper Fi, foralways.

.."i don't want to forget come daylight."

This weekend hasn't gone "as planned", and although there wasn't really any sort of plan, I was not anticipating being sick!

My throat has been hurting for the past couple of days, along with my left ear. So, last night Hollie "advised me" that I should probably see the doctor in the morning, but I am so stubborn and I hate the doctor. Ya'll just don't know, me and needles are NOT close companions!!!

This morning when we woke up, I asked Hollie to check & see if my throat was red. She looked and noticed a little more than that (totally nasty, but there were little pockets on my tonsils). I told mom, and of course, she made me go on to the doctor.

Once I got in the doctors office, I breathed a little sigh of relief because there was only one car in the parking lot, figuring that I wouldn't have to wait too long. . . . . . . WRONG! Anyway, after waiting (forwhatseemedlikeforever) 30 minutes, the kind nurse took me back, did her routine exam, and left the room.

I fell asleep in the waiting room waiting on the doctor, but she came in fairly soon (I guess!). She was a sweet woman, and she didn't like the looks of my ear or throat. She had a strep test done that came back negative.

She then told me it was tonsillitis, and sent me home with 2 antibiotics and a shot. I guess the shot has had a weird affect on me because I didn't really "feel sick" (other than throat and ear, I hadn't really missed a beat), but today I have just been "sluggish".

Maybe it's just been my poor attitude about today. I wanted to go fishing with Matt & Hannah, I wanted to go to Columbus with Megan and Hollie, and I wanted to spend time with them tonight before they leave for a week tomorrow. =(