getting caught up in moments.
acting on impulse.
over-thinking.
under-thinking.
holding on.
taking less when feeling like more has always been given.
getting carried away.
running from issues at hand.
being full of ungratefulness.
and.
so.
on.
These are things that I believe every eye reading this can relate to. These things may happen to you on a normal basis. You may be guilty of these things more than once a day. As I face you through words on the other side of the computer, my mind can go back to instances where I have been caught in the middle of each of these scenarios. I won't bore you with all types of things to think about, but I will bore you with a few, anyway.
getting caught up in moments, for example, is one I find myself doing all the time. I don't necessarily think this is a bad habit, actually. To me, it to me is a wonderful habit. Say you're on a nice afternoon stroll to the refuge and you're struck with a moment to just be still & take in the atmosphere around you. Sometimes, those are moments you may never forget. The serenity, the peace, the colors, the beauty, or the simple sounds of a summer afternoon.
It is a wonderful habit to be in the middle of a crowded room of your family at Christmas & let your mind stop only to remind you of just how precious the people around you are - reminding yourself of the influence they've had on your life by living from examples of the people who lived before you were born. Their words from meaningful conversations you've had with them dance through your head, and your heart nearly burst with happiness knowing that THEY are YOUR family.
acting on impulse is a constant struggle. Sometimes I allow myself to speak the instant thoughts that come to my mind, defending myself in a way that could have been handled differently if I had taken the time to think about what I was saying. I believe that you, as I said earlier, could probably nod your head in agreement when I say that I'm 110% sure there has been at least one moment in your years of living that you wish you could go back to, if only for a second, and tweak a sentence or two of something you've said to someone (or about someone). I know i've been there. That's the beauty of impulse, though. It is a sudden act, and during this act - sometimes words are spoken that you may not even realize you're saying until it's all ready been said. But as you know, by then it's too late, my friend.
holding on can come in all types of disguises. For me it's been covered in five years of denial with the outfit of pride to clothe its stupidity. You see, holding on, to me, is more often a bad habit than a good one. The past is obviously over, but you're making the future your past whenever you hold onto it like Lionel's (Charlie Brown) blue blanket. This can consume your daily actions, thought process, and sometimes even your life. Allowing yourself to be consumed in the hopes of the past coming back and reliving itself is clearly unhealthy. The hardest part about it, to me, is deciphering between "holding on" and simply "remembering". I'll get back at ya'll when I realize where that thin line is drawn. :) Moments are fragments of time that are unplanned, accidental, or non-intentional, and these moments can be unforgettable in a wonderful way or a horrible one. Why do we allow ourselves to go back to these instances when moments, unforgettable ones, were made? Well, because we want to remember the way they made us feel, so we can find that same feeling in another moment or so we can run far away from it. Holding on happens. Holding on is a form of coping, in my opinion. It is also consuming over the mind and cloaked in garments that are appealing yet deceiving.
being full of ungratefulness can't always be detected for me. It usually rushes over me like a raging waterfall all at once. I can be in the stillest of moments, and suddenly my mind reminds me of things that I have taken for granted. Sometimes, as I mentioned earlier, there are times when I am in the moment & nothing else is going on around me when I can be still and be grateful for whatever it is that I am experiencing. Other times, there may be something that triggers my thought process that takes me back to weeks or sometimes months beforehand when I should have been thankful for an opportunity that had been given to me, and it had simply slipped my mind.
These are daily struggles. This is just something to think about. Let your mind take you through the list of things at the top. Where do you draw the line for these things happening daily in your life? Are they struggles or situations that you shrug off your shoulders? Whatever they may be, these scenarios happen in an everyday life. It is neither a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. It is life, and it is really only a matter of whether or not you want take the time to notice them.
To think that this post was simply a big white box of nothing when I began, not knowing what it is that I wanted to blog about.....
...now you're full of information that is probably useless for you, but it's simply therapeutic for me to type out. Thanks for enduring it.
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