I am a lover of words. Truly, I am. I enjoy blogging for that very reason. My love for words far exceeds any words that I could ever say, though. I oftentimes get "in trouble" with my friends when they have me listen to new music because I don't listen to the beat or "music" of the song at all - the first time is always about the lyrics for me. The same thing goes for when I make them listen to a new song, I basically demand that they hear the lyrics & what the song is actually trying to say. If they aren't listening, we simply start the song over until they "convince" me that they've heard the words. :) I know, I'm a terrible friend/person. The truth is, they probably really have me fooled most of the time!
During my high school career, I kept notebooks full of "collages" of words. Quotes, lyrics, phrases, excerpts from speeches, things people said, text messages, anything that caught my eye & made me think or related to me at that present time was on a sheet of paper squiggled into the collage.
On the first day of my Senior year, we walked in to our English class, sat down, and our teacher began to speak abut her expectations for the year. She told us that she wanted us to "fall in love with words". At first, I thought that was completely impossible because there is no way to fall in love with a word, and words can only mean so much said by some people. Right? Right.
Glad we agree.
The thing is, there have been many times through the last few years of my life when I wanted to fall in love with words that a person has said to me, believing they are true, injecting me with hope, taking them for all that they are and mean, analyze them to the core & be right about the outcome, but in reality -- sometimes those words leave us heartbroken, empty, and feeling alone. Sometimes words are built up to mean so much more than they actually do, and you are left to heal yourself, to fix yourself, to un-break yourself. It's sad, really, that such beautiful words can be broken down to nothing in our age in time, but it is happening.
Now that my teacher said that to me, I am still understanding what "loving words" is truly about. I love words for the same reason that I hate them, if that makes any sense. Words give me hope. They allow me to believe. They inject me with hope. I take them for all they they are & mean, and I analyze them to the core. I long to be right about the outcome of most words said to me, especially coming from the mouthes of the folks who speak them.
I don't believe we should love ALL words. I think that loving them is something you have to train yourself to do. You don't love words spoken by people who speak poorly of you or the things you believe in or stand behind. You don't love words people use in vulgar or offensive ways, but if you understand what my teacher meant about "falling in love with words", you will more than likely know which words to love - and which ones to leave alone.
Showing posts with label venting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label venting. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
with that being said...
It always seems to fly by, from the moment I'm with you until the time I leave - time never seems to last long enough. We could spend days on end together, but each moment is instilled in my memory as if we had only been together for a few seconds. Your smile holds a place in my mind that I can recall so vividly whenever I want, and your laugh echoes through my ears as I replay the times we've spent together. You're no ordinary person to me, but to everyone else you're a typical being. You far surpass any individual I've ever met, but through another's eyes you couldn't be more "normal".
I can remember the night I realized that this beautiful mess was entirely more than I had ever bargained for. The lightening bugs lit up the summer sky like lanterns flowing in the July breeze. The stars shone as bright as candles swaying through the blackest of night. There were no love songs serenading in the background, but the crickets hushed the silence as they sang away like they do in the South. Resisting the "want" to be in your presence was becoming harder & harder for me, and you knew it. I wanted to be around you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to see what you had to say. As bad as it sounds, I had given up trying so hard to pretend like I didn't care about you. It was evident.
You are the one & only person who has me figured out beyond questions. Sometimes it is unbelievable how transparent I seem to be around you because whether or not you'd ever say it - you know me like the hairs on the back of your hand. You can look at me & tell something's wrong, and if you're listening to my voice - you can decipher my mood just by listening to my tone. This trait hasn't ever bothered me about you. I like doing the most random things that can be thought of, and I like for them to be unplanned. I like that you know that about me, and you usually surprise me by what you can come up with.
Long were the days when you'd pick me up and take me down roads i'd never traveled before. Your sense of direction is, and always will be, better than mine. Conversation never ran dry, and when it subsided for a minute - the music on the radio got louder as we sang the night away. I couldn't imagine life any other way. I liked the feeling of my voice harmonizing with yours. I've always been thrilled to hear you sing. I was right where I wanted to be. Everything in my life at that moment was content. I was happy.
It's funny how life changes in only a few years, and looking back it's easy to see that some things will never be relived with the same feelings that were once felt, but have you ever been somewhere that brought back a feeling you once had? So many places do that to me, and they reach down to the pit of my stomach and raise the uttermost emotions that I keep locked inside. Have you ever smelled honeysuckle, and it took you back to a late summer night with a full moon shining above you casting shadows on your face? It causes me to go back to the very moment when love has been felt the most in my life. Has a song ever been the cue for a slideshow in your memory? There have been the most beautiful images of being alive and living life to the absolute fullest in those memory recaps. I try so hard to find those feelings again in the places where our footsteps stand firm, but it is a lifeless effort unless you are there. It is a hopeless curse on me.
I often forget the simple things; the way the guitar sounds on the side of town as the sun sets behind old buildings, or the view of bait meeting the water and causing an uproar of ripples as we fished on a hot afternoon. It's not that I want to forget at all, really. I just get so caught up in the things I don't want to forget that the "little things" seem to slip my mind, and to me - in the end - they are the most important. The little things in life are the things that matter the most to me, just like the little spark that turned into a flame with you.
It's unforgettable. Through the day, you're either in the back of my mind, or you're the only thing on my mind. There's no denying it, and I can't tell you that I'm sorry for that. I won't.
I can twist any song on the radio to remind me of something that relates to you. Any song from Lady GaGa to The Band can retell a story of the journey i've found myself on with you. It's been the journey of a lifetime. Take pride in the fact of knowing that you've been the main character in a chapter of my life. Whether or not I have to close the book to a new chapter is beyond me, but I'm enjoying adding to the story for now.
I just wanted you to know that you haven't died to me, and from as far as I can tell you won't any time soon. I do wish things were different every now and then, but at the same time - life couldn't be more perfect than it is. It is the most unperfected form of perfect, though. The understanding we have between the two of us is one that can't be explained by anyone aside from the two of us. There's no way to describe it, and you've taught me that it's okay to not have everything defined in life. Thank you for that.
I can remember the night I realized that this beautiful mess was entirely more than I had ever bargained for. The lightening bugs lit up the summer sky like lanterns flowing in the July breeze. The stars shone as bright as candles swaying through the blackest of night. There were no love songs serenading in the background, but the crickets hushed the silence as they sang away like they do in the South. Resisting the "want" to be in your presence was becoming harder & harder for me, and you knew it. I wanted to be around you. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to see what you had to say. As bad as it sounds, I had given up trying so hard to pretend like I didn't care about you. It was evident.
You are the one & only person who has me figured out beyond questions. Sometimes it is unbelievable how transparent I seem to be around you because whether or not you'd ever say it - you know me like the hairs on the back of your hand. You can look at me & tell something's wrong, and if you're listening to my voice - you can decipher my mood just by listening to my tone. This trait hasn't ever bothered me about you. I like doing the most random things that can be thought of, and I like for them to be unplanned. I like that you know that about me, and you usually surprise me by what you can come up with.
Long were the days when you'd pick me up and take me down roads i'd never traveled before. Your sense of direction is, and always will be, better than mine. Conversation never ran dry, and when it subsided for a minute - the music on the radio got louder as we sang the night away. I couldn't imagine life any other way. I liked the feeling of my voice harmonizing with yours. I've always been thrilled to hear you sing. I was right where I wanted to be. Everything in my life at that moment was content. I was happy.
It's funny how life changes in only a few years, and looking back it's easy to see that some things will never be relived with the same feelings that were once felt, but have you ever been somewhere that brought back a feeling you once had? So many places do that to me, and they reach down to the pit of my stomach and raise the uttermost emotions that I keep locked inside. Have you ever smelled honeysuckle, and it took you back to a late summer night with a full moon shining above you casting shadows on your face? It causes me to go back to the very moment when love has been felt the most in my life. Has a song ever been the cue for a slideshow in your memory? There have been the most beautiful images of being alive and living life to the absolute fullest in those memory recaps. I try so hard to find those feelings again in the places where our footsteps stand firm, but it is a lifeless effort unless you are there. It is a hopeless curse on me.
I often forget the simple things; the way the guitar sounds on the side of town as the sun sets behind old buildings, or the view of bait meeting the water and causing an uproar of ripples as we fished on a hot afternoon. It's not that I want to forget at all, really. I just get so caught up in the things I don't want to forget that the "little things" seem to slip my mind, and to me - in the end - they are the most important. The little things in life are the things that matter the most to me, just like the little spark that turned into a flame with you.
It's unforgettable. Through the day, you're either in the back of my mind, or you're the only thing on my mind. There's no denying it, and I can't tell you that I'm sorry for that. I won't.
I can twist any song on the radio to remind me of something that relates to you. Any song from Lady GaGa to The Band can retell a story of the journey i've found myself on with you. It's been the journey of a lifetime. Take pride in the fact of knowing that you've been the main character in a chapter of my life. Whether or not I have to close the book to a new chapter is beyond me, but I'm enjoying adding to the story for now.
I just wanted you to know that you haven't died to me, and from as far as I can tell you won't any time soon. I do wish things were different every now and then, but at the same time - life couldn't be more perfect than it is. It is the most unperfected form of perfect, though. The understanding we have between the two of us is one that can't be explained by anyone aside from the two of us. There's no way to describe it, and you've taught me that it's okay to not have everything defined in life. Thank you for that.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
the truth, nothing but the truth.
I am SO angry. I really am.
Just today I went to a cook out for some Marine poolee's, and I was so encouraged to see young boys that aspired to be so brave. To me, joining any branch of the military is brave, but being that I know a tad more about the Marines, I was just really proud (ha!) Anyway, while we were there the two SSgt's, GySgt, and the Cpl's talked a little about their lives as Marines. They told how long they'd been involved, where they had traveled, and how good the Corps had been to them. It was a humbling experience for me to be able to see the poolee's faces (and their parents faces) as the Marines spoke. Of course there was fear in their eyes, and nervousness in their parents. BUT, there was pride. Oh, there was so much pride. Not only was I humbled to have been able to see all of that, but I was excited to know that these boys have so much drive. Even after all of their PT's, the only thing they could really say so far about the Corps was "I love it", "There's nothing else I can see myself doing", "I'm having the time of my life". And yes, they ARE just poolee's, and they don't know what to expect (neither do I, and here I am acting like a retired Marine! Ha..um..ANYWAY) I was just happy to have been able to be a part of that.
As soon as I drove out of the small civilian parking lot, I shot Clint a text:
"I love you and I appreciate you. Thank you."
Moving on.
When I got home, mom asked, "What is the Diamond Rio song that's being banned from the radio?"
Huh? I didn't even know Diamond Rio was still a band! (Should I be embarrassed to say that? I mean, it HAS been awhile since i've heard something new from them, so i was FULLY unaware that they were now being BANNED from the radio!.)
Later tonight I googled it, just to see if it was vulger or unnecessary. I am posting the lyrics here:
Just today I went to a cook out for some Marine poolee's, and I was so encouraged to see young boys that aspired to be so brave. To me, joining any branch of the military is brave, but being that I know a tad more about the Marines, I was just really proud (ha!) Anyway, while we were there the two SSgt's, GySgt, and the Cpl's talked a little about their lives as Marines. They told how long they'd been involved, where they had traveled, and how good the Corps had been to them. It was a humbling experience for me to be able to see the poolee's faces (and their parents faces) as the Marines spoke. Of course there was fear in their eyes, and nervousness in their parents. BUT, there was pride. Oh, there was so much pride. Not only was I humbled to have been able to see all of that, but I was excited to know that these boys have so much drive. Even after all of their PT's, the only thing they could really say so far about the Corps was "I love it", "There's nothing else I can see myself doing", "I'm having the time of my life". And yes, they ARE just poolee's, and they don't know what to expect (neither do I, and here I am acting like a retired Marine! Ha..um..ANYWAY) I was just happy to have been able to be a part of that.
As soon as I drove out of the small civilian parking lot, I shot Clint a text:
"I love you and I appreciate you. Thank you."
Moving on.
When I got home, mom asked, "What is the Diamond Rio song that's being banned from the radio?"
Huh? I didn't even know Diamond Rio was still a band! (Should I be embarrassed to say that? I mean, it HAS been awhile since i've heard something new from them, so i was FULLY unaware that they were now being BANNED from the radio!.)
Later tonight I googled it, just to see if it was vulger or unnecessary. I am posting the lyrics here:
You place your hand on His Bible, when you swear to tell the Truth
His name is on our greatest Monuments, and all our money too,
And when we Pledge allegiance, there's no doubt where we stand,
There is no separation, we're one Nation under Him.
Chorus:
In God We Still Trust
Here in America
He's the one we turn to every time
The goin' gets rough
He is the source of all our Strength
The One who watches over us
Here in America
In God We Still Trust
Now there are those among us, who want to push Him out,
And erase His name from everything, this country's all about,
From the Schoolhouse to the Courthouse, they're Silencing His Word,
Now it's time for all Believers, to make our Voices heard.
In God We Still Trust,
Here in America
He's the one we turn to every time
The goin' gets rough
He is the source of all our Strength
The One who watches over us
Here in America
In God We Still Trust
Here in America
Here in America
Here in America,
In God We Still Trust
Here in America,
In God We Still Trust
Here in America
...PLEASE take a minute to process this.
First of all, what did I say I texted Clint earlier? Now, what are we going to have to appreciate in years to come if the government keeps depreciating our military, God, our rights and freedoms, and everything else under the bright yellow sun?
Now, can you honestly believe that? Thomas Jefferson, along with the rest of the Continental Congress would ROLL OVER IN THEIR GRAVE. I could not believe my eyes, and I really blogged about that first paragraph to try and open your eyes to seeing the desire that some Americans still have in their heart. One SSgt said today, "Being here to recruit you all is my way of giving back to the government because for so long the government has been so good to me." Now, correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't the government slowly stealing away all pride, hope, future, drive, desire, and reason from full blooded Americans? (By full blooded I mean: God fearing, home-cooked meal lovin', American flag in the yard, yellow ribbon supportin' AMERICANS)
What is going to happen is simply this: you take away all you can about what America was founded upon, and you delete it from every learning outlet - - boys and girls are going to grow up into men and women who don't understand how hard it was to win over the free soil that their feet are so happily walking around on. They will have no drive to take part in our nation's military branches, and they won't appreciate what their very own ancestors died for in years prior to the ones they will be living in.
Oh, I pray that doesn't happen, but as of now, there's really no alternative ending in my eyes. Something needs to happen.
Friday, March 5, 2010
routines.
I am not much of a routine type person. Actually, I "say" that i'm "organized", and I like following a "plan", but that usually hardly ever happens. As far as my weekly routine, from 6:30am-5ish-pm i'm consistant.
wake up.
get ready.
school.
school.
school.
lunch (sometimes at home, sometimes out with Megan).
softball.
Then it varies. This week i've tanned, come home, eaten supper, watched Idol, showered & gone to bed. Now, next week, that will be a totally different story & tivo will play a huge roll in my week (for sure!) I wonder how i've gone all this time without tivo..it's such a great asset.
Speaking of....
wake up.
get ready.
school.
school.
school.
lunch (sometimes at home, sometimes out with Megan).
softball.
Then it varies. This week i've tanned, come home, eaten supper, watched Idol, showered & gone to bed. Now, next week, that will be a totally different story & tivo will play a huge roll in my week (for sure!) I wonder how i've gone all this time without tivo..it's such a great asset.
Speaking of....
who's your favorite?! .. let's see..
2 boys? 2 girls? .. okay. Here goes.
Casey James.
why? well, aside from his obvious beauty, he really has talent. I love his song choices (ex: Heaven, Bryan Adams), and he has a great personality on stage. Really though, he's just pretty.
Lee Dwayze.
why? he has a unique style that I like, and his song choices are also suitable because he has such an interesting voice. I like that he doesn't abuse his vocals during a song (some may say that's playing it safe, but in his case I believe it's playing it SMART! ha!)
Crystal Bowersox.
why? definitely NOT because of her dreadlocks, although I guess they are interesting. I can't put my finger on a real reason as to why I really like her, but I do. She's my favorite female.
I'm not going to pick another girl because there's a toss-up between Katie, Siobhan, AND Lacey.
They all have their reasons for being on the same level with me.
Katie: Well, I like her story, and her courageousness. I know I wouldn't be able to stand in front of that many people the way she has.
Siobhan: she is somewhat strange, but I like that she's unique. She really just has some hidden pipes! I had no idea she could really sing until this week!
Lacey: see "Lee Dwayze".
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I wanna be runnin' when the sand runs out.
This post won't be easy. It won't be easy because everyone who reads it will probably mis-interpret the entire thing, taking it out of proportion, and then ask me about it. Quite frankly, I write this for my own being. I write it to help me, and maybe through helping myself it will also help you.
My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day.
I watch the world outside,
By the way
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's Comet,
she waved;
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life,
I hope they understandI'm not angry,
I'm just saying -
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today
Here is my chance,
This is my chance.
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life,
I hope they understandI'm not angry,
I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
You know I would do anything for that person, because they have always been there for me. Even during the "dry spell" they've been there, whole-heartedly. I cannot give enough back to them, and they deserve the best. You, on the other hand, take full advantage of what you've got. You do not realize how proud you should be to have someone that special in your life to love you, care for you, want you, need you, etc. It tears me up to see the way they are treated on a daily basis. This person would literally go to the moon & back a million times for you, not think twice about it, and NOT ask for anything in return. You've just driven them so far away that they cannot carry on a simple conversation with you without being hurt by your words. Needless to say, you should be alone, but they still hold on. They hold on because they've always seen the good in you, they've always fought hard for that piece of you that's funny, loving, smart, and somewhat sensitive. That's love. Love is seeing past someone's imperfections, because there is beauty inside of you that no one but this person can see. It's getting foggy though, seeing your beauty, and I don't know how much longer you have until all those imperfections over rule the love they've found in you. I do not, by any means, believe this person is giving up, but if they were -- could you honestly blame them? I can't. It's been done before, and i believe you're in need of a reality check anyway...SOON.
You know what's going to hurt them, yet you still ignore the fact that it IS actually hurting someone (other than yourself). Which brings up anouther problem, your selfishness. What in the world is wrong with you? Have you no conseption of others feelings at all? Do you understand that your actions emotionally break down other people? Does that phase you at all? No. No, no, no. It doesn't, because as long as you're not hurting, pissed off, upset, worried, troubled, sad, or depressed - - NO ONE ELSE SHOULD BE EITHER. That's not the way this person is wired. By now, you know them. You know what they like, and what they don't like. You know what makes them smile, and what brings a tear to their eye. You know what makes them laugh out loud, and what causes them to giggle. You know, better than most people, what they want. Yet, for some reason - you do nothing about it. You don't ever try to do MORE. It's always just mediocre, and if something, someone, or somewhere else comes up on your "schedule" -- you CHOOSE it. Why? Who knows.
What i'm saying is, you should be ashamed. You've taken so much for granted. You're wasting this person's time, and they are a far better person than i'll ever be for putting up with you. That's what you call "tough love", except for you it's easy. It's easy for you because you ignore it. You ignore all the romance, the laughs, smiles, hugs, kisses, wants, needs, and .. all the simple things that make life so beautiful, YOU JUST SIMPLY IGNORE IT.
Sometimes i'd like NOTHING BETTER than to grab you by the shoulders and just shake you until i felt like there had been some sense shaken into somehow. Because this person is so close to my heart, and when they hurt, I hurt. You need to get your act together before it's too late. The sand is running out for you, and instead of running from all of this, you need to stop. You need to stop and realize what means the most to you. What's going to mean the most to you when everyone else walks out? When you wake up tomorrow morning, who's going to be the first one on your mind? What road are you going to choose? We know which way's the easiest, but is that your path - the easy way out?
Because:
What if they're an angel sent here from Heaven,
and they're making certain that you're doing your best
to take the time to help one another, Brother, are you
gonna past that test? You can go on with your
day-to-day trying to forget what you saw in their face.
Knowing deep down, you could've been their saving grace..
I'm just saying, your priorities are all out of line. Something's got to happen, fast.
My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day.
I watch the world outside,
By the way
I'm leaving out today.
I just saw Haley's Comet,
she waved;
Said, "Why are you always running in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life,
I hope they understandI'm not angry,
I'm just saying -
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance
Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today
Here is my chance,
This is my chance.
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life,
I hope they understandI'm not angry,
I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
You know I would do anything for that person, because they have always been there for me. Even during the "dry spell" they've been there, whole-heartedly. I cannot give enough back to them, and they deserve the best. You, on the other hand, take full advantage of what you've got. You do not realize how proud you should be to have someone that special in your life to love you, care for you, want you, need you, etc. It tears me up to see the way they are treated on a daily basis. This person would literally go to the moon & back a million times for you, not think twice about it, and NOT ask for anything in return. You've just driven them so far away that they cannot carry on a simple conversation with you without being hurt by your words. Needless to say, you should be alone, but they still hold on. They hold on because they've always seen the good in you, they've always fought hard for that piece of you that's funny, loving, smart, and somewhat sensitive. That's love. Love is seeing past someone's imperfections, because there is beauty inside of you that no one but this person can see. It's getting foggy though, seeing your beauty, and I don't know how much longer you have until all those imperfections over rule the love they've found in you. I do not, by any means, believe this person is giving up, but if they were -- could you honestly blame them? I can't. It's been done before, and i believe you're in need of a reality check anyway...SOON.
You know what's going to hurt them, yet you still ignore the fact that it IS actually hurting someone (other than yourself). Which brings up anouther problem, your selfishness. What in the world is wrong with you? Have you no conseption of others feelings at all? Do you understand that your actions emotionally break down other people? Does that phase you at all? No. No, no, no. It doesn't, because as long as you're not hurting, pissed off, upset, worried, troubled, sad, or depressed - - NO ONE ELSE SHOULD BE EITHER. That's not the way this person is wired. By now, you know them. You know what they like, and what they don't like. You know what makes them smile, and what brings a tear to their eye. You know what makes them laugh out loud, and what causes them to giggle. You know, better than most people, what they want. Yet, for some reason - you do nothing about it. You don't ever try to do MORE. It's always just mediocre, and if something, someone, or somewhere else comes up on your "schedule" -- you CHOOSE it. Why? Who knows.
What i'm saying is, you should be ashamed. You've taken so much for granted. You're wasting this person's time, and they are a far better person than i'll ever be for putting up with you. That's what you call "tough love", except for you it's easy. It's easy for you because you ignore it. You ignore all the romance, the laughs, smiles, hugs, kisses, wants, needs, and .. all the simple things that make life so beautiful, YOU JUST SIMPLY IGNORE IT.
Sometimes i'd like NOTHING BETTER than to grab you by the shoulders and just shake you until i felt like there had been some sense shaken into somehow. Because this person is so close to my heart, and when they hurt, I hurt. You need to get your act together before it's too late. The sand is running out for you, and instead of running from all of this, you need to stop. You need to stop and realize what means the most to you. What's going to mean the most to you when everyone else walks out? When you wake up tomorrow morning, who's going to be the first one on your mind? What road are you going to choose? We know which way's the easiest, but is that your path - the easy way out?
Because:
What if they're an angel sent here from Heaven,
and they're making certain that you're doing your best
to take the time to help one another, Brother, are you
gonna past that test? You can go on with your
day-to-day trying to forget what you saw in their face.
Knowing deep down, you could've been their saving grace..
I'm just saying, your priorities are all out of line. Something's got to happen, fast.
Monday, April 27, 2009
no negative responses, thank you.
What do these people mean?
Who do they think they are?
WHY ON EARTH IS THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL?
"You people have done very well, and I am appreciative." - Coach Beall
I strongly believe that he is one person I'll never stop respecting, because in the midst of this [ridiculous, absurd, irresponsible, blah, blah] drama - he is the one encouraging us. He is the one making sure that we, as students, have not fallen too far from what is SUPPOSED to be going on at school.
What our community has is not a lot. Many people have fought hard for what we DO have, and some of them would roll over in their graves if they knew what was going on now. I believe we should respect that, drop this, pick up, and move on.
Who do they think they are?
WHY ON EARTH IS THIS SUCH A BIG DEAL?
"You people have done very well, and I am appreciative." - Coach Beall
I strongly believe that he is one person I'll never stop respecting, because in the midst of this [ridiculous, absurd, irresponsible, blah, blah] drama - he is the one encouraging us. He is the one making sure that we, as students, have not fallen too far from what is SUPPOSED to be going on at school.
What our community has is not a lot. Many people have fought hard for what we DO have, and some of them would roll over in their graves if they knew what was going on now. I believe we should respect that, drop this, pick up, and move on.
Monday, January 12, 2009
has he asked the president, i'm sure he has his number.
This weekend was good. Facebook pictures to prove. I'm not so sure I approve of the fighting.
I reeeeeally hate school, it disgust me to no end. Especially 5th & 6th period. The anger that comes over me by just being in your presence, good grief. UGH!
Ashia, I need a haircut. This week sometime if you can, just a trim, you know how that is for me. Just let me know when's a good time for you.
& so, the lion fell in love with the lamb.
I reeeeeally hate school, it disgust me to no end. Especially 5th & 6th period. The anger that comes over me by just being in your presence, good grief. UGH!
Ashia, I need a haircut. This week sometime if you can, just a trim, you know how that is for me. Just let me know when's a good time for you.
& so, the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
quiero de tu novio para siempre!
"make a wish"
"..what if i have everything i could ever wish for?"
"then wish that nothing changes."
"it would be prudent that we're not friends, and that you stay away from me, but i'm tired of avoiding you."
I don't question what i tell you, the words flow freely from my lips
& as soon as they fall out of my mouth,
the confidence i've placed in you sweeps in and takes my words
to the deepest part of you; hiding them so that only you
& i can't find them again.
I admire that about you, knowing that i can trust you.
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to meAll the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay.
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me.
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go.
Cause without you I cant breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,You're all I need.
"..what if i have everything i could ever wish for?"
"then wish that nothing changes."
"it would be prudent that we're not friends, and that you stay away from me, but i'm tired of avoiding you."
I don't question what i tell you, the words flow freely from my lips
& as soon as they fall out of my mouth,
the confidence i've placed in you sweeps in and takes my words
to the deepest part of you; hiding them so that only you
& i can't find them again.
I admire that about you, knowing that i can trust you.
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to meAll the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay.
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me.
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go.
Cause without you I cant breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,You're all I need.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
"what scared me is, after all these years, he still isn't over her."
i want this to be long. i want the time to write it, because YOU need to know.
You need to know that for years you have broken her down and hurt her. You have abused your right to even look at her. You have come in, taken advantage, and run away. You're gone now, in a sense, so there's no way anyone (but yourself) can do anything to bring you back, but everyone sees it. Everyone knows the way it is, and has been for quite some time. You need to know that she cries, she worries, she fears, - - all for you. For YOU. & you don't give one care in the world for the time that is spent on you. You are unappreciative, naive, immature, selfish, and ignorant of the people around you. You're turning into it. It being - -the beast that no one wanted to see come out of you. This isn't the way it used to be, so why can't you come back? Are you too far gone? Have you fallen too far from the path? No, you haven't. You haven't and i know it because if you had, you wouldn't feel a thing when the subject comes up, but you do. You cry. You block out any image, thought, or action that might spring it to mind, and that's how i know that this isn't over. The question is, how far does it have to go? Some believe you're too far gone NOW. But..are you? People talk, people listen, people know, people don't know. I know. I've always known, but you don't think i know. You think i'm unaware of what IS going on, but really, i know more than you wish i did. You wouldn't listen if i tried talking to you, so i don't. This is your mistake to make, and i'm gonna be here to back up your fall, sure. I will not be here to correct your mistake, because with everyday you wake up & don't do anything about it, that's one more day added to the reason why this is your fault, and your fault alone. I love you, i do. I always will. I don't love your actions & selfish behavior. Make it stop, before it's too late.
It's okay to me, i've dealt with it for quite sometime, and i can get these things to go away & not bother me, sure, i wish things were better for us, but it's okay. It isn't me i'm worried about. It's them. The others. They shouldn't have to feel this way, they shouldn't have to be burdened, when you're not feeling a thing. You have a heart, somewhere in that chest of yours, and it's a big one, i know. I know because i've seen the actions of it before, unlike any other persons i've ever met. Your heart is as big as an elephants, but what you give your soul & love too, are (somewhat) the wrong things. It's a shame that love can be given away so easily to people who can hurt us so much, and time after time, we find ourselves back in their eyes, arms, and trap. You deserve better. You know it, too. There is better, you just haven't given yourself a chance to find it - - because you won't look.
What hasn't she done? I can't think of anything either. What has she asked for in return? I can't think of anything to answer that either, except for maybe a small portion of your time. Is that too much to ask? You are loved by many people, and it takes alot to lose someone's love, and i'm not going to sit here and type out that they're going to fall out of love with you, because i know better. They'll always love you, no matter what. You could do nothing in this world to change that. You could even ask them to stop loving you, and i don't think the command would affect them in any way, shape form, or fashion. Just straighten up, because you're jumping off the deep end - without a life jacket, and you can't swim.
twilight - - an addiction in the making.
You need to know that for years you have broken her down and hurt her. You have abused your right to even look at her. You have come in, taken advantage, and run away. You're gone now, in a sense, so there's no way anyone (but yourself) can do anything to bring you back, but everyone sees it. Everyone knows the way it is, and has been for quite some time. You need to know that she cries, she worries, she fears, - - all for you. For YOU. & you don't give one care in the world for the time that is spent on you. You are unappreciative, naive, immature, selfish, and ignorant of the people around you. You're turning into it. It being - -the beast that no one wanted to see come out of you. This isn't the way it used to be, so why can't you come back? Are you too far gone? Have you fallen too far from the path? No, you haven't. You haven't and i know it because if you had, you wouldn't feel a thing when the subject comes up, but you do. You cry. You block out any image, thought, or action that might spring it to mind, and that's how i know that this isn't over. The question is, how far does it have to go? Some believe you're too far gone NOW. But..are you? People talk, people listen, people know, people don't know. I know. I've always known, but you don't think i know. You think i'm unaware of what IS going on, but really, i know more than you wish i did. You wouldn't listen if i tried talking to you, so i don't. This is your mistake to make, and i'm gonna be here to back up your fall, sure. I will not be here to correct your mistake, because with everyday you wake up & don't do anything about it, that's one more day added to the reason why this is your fault, and your fault alone. I love you, i do. I always will. I don't love your actions & selfish behavior. Make it stop, before it's too late.
It's okay to me, i've dealt with it for quite sometime, and i can get these things to go away & not bother me, sure, i wish things were better for us, but it's okay. It isn't me i'm worried about. It's them. The others. They shouldn't have to feel this way, they shouldn't have to be burdened, when you're not feeling a thing. You have a heart, somewhere in that chest of yours, and it's a big one, i know. I know because i've seen the actions of it before, unlike any other persons i've ever met. Your heart is as big as an elephants, but what you give your soul & love too, are (somewhat) the wrong things. It's a shame that love can be given away so easily to people who can hurt us so much, and time after time, we find ourselves back in their eyes, arms, and trap. You deserve better. You know it, too. There is better, you just haven't given yourself a chance to find it - - because you won't look.
What hasn't she done? I can't think of anything either. What has she asked for in return? I can't think of anything to answer that either, except for maybe a small portion of your time. Is that too much to ask? You are loved by many people, and it takes alot to lose someone's love, and i'm not going to sit here and type out that they're going to fall out of love with you, because i know better. They'll always love you, no matter what. You could do nothing in this world to change that. You could even ask them to stop loving you, and i don't think the command would affect them in any way, shape form, or fashion. Just straighten up, because you're jumping off the deep end - without a life jacket, and you can't swim.
twilight - - an addiction in the making.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
all i'm saying is, what goes around comes around.
HERE WE GO.
This is how it is, this is how it's supposed to be.
Now, this is how it's going to be for you.
All those times i waited for a reply, a call, a voice, an action, anything, and you weren't there. I hope that every single one of those memories haunts you. I want it to hurt you the way that it hurt me, just so i can feel like YOU have a heart. There were so many times when we almost made it to the point where we we're good, then it was like, you realized there wasn't anything to fight for, so we had to start all over.
You did me wrong. & i wouldn't let anyone else treat me that way, i don't know why you had that hold on me. It's gone now, i can get through a day without thinking about you. I can leave school & have something ELSE to look forward to, and that makes me smile the minute i wake up. I guess you could say that this is farewell, for good. & for those of you who know me, know what i'm talking about, and have seen me at my worst about it, you should be proud.
I'm standing my ground now, and i'm going to fight for something that no one else believes in, because i believe in it.
Today, has been a good day.
Shea, Bug, James, and me.
[later]
Shea, Me, Megan, Bug..
i can't wait for Christmas break.
15 days til CRACKberry. (:
This is how it is, this is how it's supposed to be.
Now, this is how it's going to be for you.
All those times i waited for a reply, a call, a voice, an action, anything, and you weren't there. I hope that every single one of those memories haunts you. I want it to hurt you the way that it hurt me, just so i can feel like YOU have a heart. There were so many times when we almost made it to the point where we we're good, then it was like, you realized there wasn't anything to fight for, so we had to start all over.
You did me wrong. & i wouldn't let anyone else treat me that way, i don't know why you had that hold on me. It's gone now, i can get through a day without thinking about you. I can leave school & have something ELSE to look forward to, and that makes me smile the minute i wake up. I guess you could say that this is farewell, for good. & for those of you who know me, know what i'm talking about, and have seen me at my worst about it, you should be proud.
I'm standing my ground now, and i'm going to fight for something that no one else believes in, because i believe in it.
Today, has been a good day.
Shea, Bug, James, and me.
[later]
Shea, Me, Megan, Bug..
i can't wait for Christmas break.
15 days til CRACKberry. (:
Thursday, December 4, 2008
a friend is someone who remembers the song in your head, and sings it for you when your memory is lost.
"when i'm old, don't put me in elderly care."
"you can stay with me"
"can i pee in your bed?!"
"HECK no!!"
"...are you gonna change my diapers"
"sure.."
"WAIT. Ya'll don't already wear those??"
"Yeah, sometimes i do, only when i drink somethin before bed though"
"Ok, just making sure i wasn't the only one"
AHHAHAHAA.
"Okay, Julianna..i have talked to you long enough to know when something is wrong, and we always text no matter how bad of a mood your in, so i'm not sure if you're still mad at your dad, or if you're mad at me, but if you are, i'm sorry. Please know that I LOVE YOU and i'm here for you if you want to talk."
"Nothing's wrong, i've just been distracted today & haven't had time (or felt like) texting. I'm sorry"
"i'm sorry, Julianna, but i can't belive you..."
"I'm not asking you to believe me, believe what you want."
..you won't guilt trip me into saing anything, i'm sorry. I've always respected your opinion, but you should do the same for me. THAT is what gets on my nerves about you. When you make it safely somewhere, i say "I'm glad you made it back safely" & your response. "me too"..uh? thank you? - - oh i guess that's too easy. You see, telling you my feelings isn't that easy to do anymore, because i feel judged. Everything i say or do now, i feel like you're watching me, waiting for things to point out that you don't like. When i tell you about people i am with, you say "interesting crowd" it can only be interesting for so long, then it turns into normal, because that's who i've been with lately. Have you not noticed that i haven't asked ONE time this week WHEN you're coming back? Have you mentioned it, no! What does it take? I'm tired of making all the effort, now you know how i felt when you "convienently" forgot to text me back for those few weeks, and NOW karma is taking control. SORRY. I really think i could be working with a good thing, can't you just PRETEND to be happy for me? I pretended for AWHILE for you. & it isn't the first time i've done it.
I do not appreciate you calling me out for not talking to you, you could've talked to me. The send button works both ways, and so calm down about that. You have no right to say that you don't believe me, because i've given you EVER right to believe me, and to think that YOU BELIEVE that i'm LYING to you, is insulting. NEVER would i say that to you. That hurts me. I guess "i'll be alright" though, i always am. Thanks anyway.
"huntin me a good ole country girlfriend."
"i guess last week spoiled us."
Yes, love, it sure did. This weekend will be fun though. Against everyone else's will, i will do what i want and i will have a good time, because it's time for me to be happy. I've been there for you, i've been happy for you (regardless of whether or not i've wanted to) so can't you do the same for me? I mean, seriously, is it THAT much to ask from someone? If you can see that i am happy, can't you be happy for me? ..i don't ask for alot, but i'd really appreciate that.
I believe that today you should make it work,
because i believe that it takes two to make it
work, and if one person isn't trying, nothing will
be accomplished. Set your mind to it, you've got
a good thing, don't look through the past & wish
things were another way. Look at what you've
got now, there's a reason God has it this way.
Watch out, because what your heart is telling you
may be different from what your head is telling you,
you've gotta be really in tune with your heart
in order to know which is speaking.
Don't look back & wish it had been different,
because when you do, you'll only look back
again to wish it was what it had been.
"you can stay with me"
"can i pee in your bed?!"
"HECK no!!"
"...are you gonna change my diapers"
"sure.."
"WAIT. Ya'll don't already wear those??"
"Yeah, sometimes i do, only when i drink somethin before bed though"
"Ok, just making sure i wasn't the only one"
AHHAHAHAA.
"Okay, Julianna..i have talked to you long enough to know when something is wrong, and we always text no matter how bad of a mood your in, so i'm not sure if you're still mad at your dad, or if you're mad at me, but if you are, i'm sorry. Please know that I LOVE YOU and i'm here for you if you want to talk."
"Nothing's wrong, i've just been distracted today & haven't had time (or felt like) texting. I'm sorry"
"i'm sorry, Julianna, but i can't belive you..."
"I'm not asking you to believe me, believe what you want."
..you won't guilt trip me into saing anything, i'm sorry. I've always respected your opinion, but you should do the same for me. THAT is what gets on my nerves about you. When you make it safely somewhere, i say "I'm glad you made it back safely" & your response. "me too"..uh? thank you? - - oh i guess that's too easy. You see, telling you my feelings isn't that easy to do anymore, because i feel judged. Everything i say or do now, i feel like you're watching me, waiting for things to point out that you don't like. When i tell you about people i am with, you say "interesting crowd" it can only be interesting for so long, then it turns into normal, because that's who i've been with lately. Have you not noticed that i haven't asked ONE time this week WHEN you're coming back? Have you mentioned it, no! What does it take? I'm tired of making all the effort, now you know how i felt when you "convienently" forgot to text me back for those few weeks, and NOW karma is taking control. SORRY. I really think i could be working with a good thing, can't you just PRETEND to be happy for me? I pretended for AWHILE for you. & it isn't the first time i've done it.
I do not appreciate you calling me out for not talking to you, you could've talked to me. The send button works both ways, and so calm down about that. You have no right to say that you don't believe me, because i've given you EVER right to believe me, and to think that YOU BELIEVE that i'm LYING to you, is insulting. NEVER would i say that to you. That hurts me. I guess "i'll be alright" though, i always am. Thanks anyway.
"huntin me a good ole country girlfriend."
"i guess last week spoiled us."
Yes, love, it sure did. This weekend will be fun though. Against everyone else's will, i will do what i want and i will have a good time, because it's time for me to be happy. I've been there for you, i've been happy for you (regardless of whether or not i've wanted to) so can't you do the same for me? I mean, seriously, is it THAT much to ask from someone? If you can see that i am happy, can't you be happy for me? ..i don't ask for alot, but i'd really appreciate that.
I believe that today you should make it work,
because i believe that it takes two to make it
work, and if one person isn't trying, nothing will
be accomplished. Set your mind to it, you've got
a good thing, don't look through the past & wish
things were another way. Look at what you've
got now, there's a reason God has it this way.
Watch out, because what your heart is telling you
may be different from what your head is telling you,
you've gotta be really in tune with your heart
in order to know which is speaking.
Don't look back & wish it had been different,
because when you do, you'll only look back
again to wish it was what it had been.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
i need an edward cullen.
this weekend.....random.
tomorrow, better be good.
i'm so freaking thrilled it's not even funny!
things seem to be dwindling down as far as the "blast from the past" goes, but then again...they're not.
your mood swings annoy me to the point of no return. If you're going to act weird, i'm not sure this is going to work out. Seriously, you're getting on my nerves. If you want someone to know how YOU feel and what YOU think, then why don't YOU tell them!? My gosh, i'm sick of hearing about it, for sure. There's nothing i can do to change the way people react. Get over it, for crying out loud.
TWIGHLIGHT = BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER FREAKING SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tomorrow, better be good.
i'm so freaking thrilled it's not even funny!
things seem to be dwindling down as far as the "blast from the past" goes, but then again...they're not.
your mood swings annoy me to the point of no return. If you're going to act weird, i'm not sure this is going to work out. Seriously, you're getting on my nerves. If you want someone to know how YOU feel and what YOU think, then why don't YOU tell them!? My gosh, i'm sick of hearing about it, for sure. There's nothing i can do to change the way people react. Get over it, for crying out loud.
TWIGHLIGHT = BEST MOVIE I'VE EVER FREAKING SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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