Friday, December 26, 2008

blackberry blog.

So, this is so the thing to do while hunting now. The countdown for blackberry is over!! I have one now. Proud owner of a Curve!!! (:
How was your Christmas? Mine was wonderful.. Spent with my family, friends, wonderful boyfriend, and his family! It doesn't get much better than this.
Tonight, shea & I went to see Marley and Me, and yes, I cried. I don't normally cry, but I did. Thinking of my Marlee, and how little she used to be, and how almost every detail about the dog in the movie reminded me of her, it jus hit me that she isn't always gonna be here, an I need to value my time with her more than I do.
Megan is here, for the night. Who knows what's up tomorrow. Goodbight, all.!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

it is what it is, and it'll be whatever it can be.

tomorrow, it's over.
It's over in more ways than one.
It's over, our first semester.
It's over, out last FIRST semester we'll have as a Junior at CA.
It's over, as in, two more exams til Christmas.
a bittersweet moment.

I can't wait to be with you.

This all seems so surreal to me, like when is it going to sink in? You make me laugh, smile, and content all the time. When i'm away from you, i want to be with you, and when i'm with you, i don't want to be without you. I enjoyed being single so much, but what i enjoy even more, is being with you. You have been so amazing in the last month, i can't even begin to tell you.
Although we're in this alone (so it seems), we're in this together, and that really matters. I cannot wait to sit and talk with you. I can't wait to look beside me and see you there, i simply can't wait for you to be a glance away from me, i've waited long enough.

Shea & Julianna
December 13, 2008.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

it's been awhile..

11 days until Christmas.

Speechlessness? Is that a word? - - it is now.
These are the BEST days. I cannot even begin to tell you!
(: (: (: (: (:
That's how i feel.

These afternoons spent ridin, nights spent with our friends singin & dancin in the truck, our little moments and our songs we sing to each other. When we're together, other peoples thoughts, voices, and figures fade away. It's almost as if we're the only people left in the world, and in that moment, it's okay.
"..if it was up to me, we'd watch the sun rise together."
beautiful words, i'd say.
So, maybe it was up to you, because that's exactly what we did, we watched the sun rise, and we watched it set together, today. There was no where else on this earth i would've rather been.
I'm falling, i can tell. I haven't fallen like this...ever, i don't believe. Truly fallen. Fallen and had hope of someone catching me. Last time, i was always worried about who had my back. Thank you for preventing those worries.
what? did you say that? both of you? in a 24 hour period?
"well, i'm glad to hear that he/she said that, it makes me feel like YOU feel better."
i have always stood beside you, when life wasn't what you signed on for it to be, whenever it didn't go your way, i was there to comfort & support you. I was there when you felt like no one else was, i tried not to bother you with my problems when you had problems of your own to solve, so i didn't. I stood there, all those minutes, hours, times, days, months, and i smiled. I smiled because you were smiling, because you were happy. Now, i'm happy, and it'd be nice if you could accept that. & be happy for me.


i hate this week, and it hasn't started.
5 days until it's over.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

all i'm saying is, what goes around comes around.

This is how it is, this is how it's supposed to be.
Now, this is how it's going to be for you.

All those times i waited for a reply, a call, a voice, an action, anything, and you weren't there. I hope that every single one of those memories haunts you. I want it to hurt you the way that it hurt me, just so i can feel like YOU have a heart. There were so many times when we almost made it to the point where we we're good, then it was like, you realized there wasn't anything to fight for, so we had to start all over.
You did me wrong. & i wouldn't let anyone else treat me that way, i don't know why you had that hold on me. It's gone now, i can get through a day without thinking about you. I can leave school & have something ELSE to look forward to, and that makes me smile the minute i wake up. I guess you could say that this is farewell, for good. & for those of you who know me, know what i'm talking about, and have seen me at my worst about it, you should be proud.
I'm standing my ground now, and i'm going to fight for something that no one else believes in, because i believe in it.

Today, has been a good day.
Shea, Bug, James, and me.
Shea, Me, Megan, Bug..
i can't wait for Christmas break.

15 days til CRACKberry. (:

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

it's just right for me..

Well, hollie lays beside me.
She got stuck here while we were doing our Algebra homework, and decided to stay.

Thanks be to God for keeping the ones i love safe tonight.
I'd hate for something to happen.

YOU made a dumb decision, by jus frolicking around like nothing was going on, but i'm glad your okay.

YOU are smart (: thank you for leaving & going somewhere else, that was a wise decision.

I'm ready for tomorrow, so i am about to get rid of today by sleeping.
Goodnight, all.

Monday, December 8, 2008

i was so caught up in holdin' what i never thought i'd find..

There's a place I've been lookin' for,
That took me in and out of buildings
Behind windows, walls and doors
And I thought I found it Couple times,
even settled down
And I'd hand around just
I know now the place that
I was trying to reach
Was you, right here in front of me
And I wouldn't change a thing
I'd walk right back through the rain
Back to every broken heart
On the day that it was breakin'
And I'd re-live all the years
And be thankful for the tears
I've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here,
right here.
It's amazing what I let my heart go through
To get me where it got me
In this moment here with you
And it passed me by God knows how many times
I was so caught up in holding
What I never thought I'd find
I know now, there's a million roads
I had to take To get me in your arms that way
In a love I never thought I'd get to get to
And if that's the road God made me take to be with you,
Then I'd re-live all the years, be thankful forthe tears i've cried with every stumbled step
That led to you and got me here, right here.

i'm sleepy.
i took a zyrtec, mom won't let me take anything else.
i wanted this to be a long post, but i just can't.

is wednesday not here yet? It needs to be!

i wasn't too impressed witht the Christmas Parade, sorry.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

everyday, you save my life.

"peace doesn't mean living without conflict."

i'm so so so so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was truly great.

"Julianna, you made me so proud. I'm so glad i got to see that tonight, Pawpaw would've been so happy to've had you in the choir with him. I love you, you're special, don't ever doubt that."
-I hadn't even thought about it. It hadn't crossed my mind. Until then.
How happy it would've made me to have been able to sing with him, i never had the chance.
I know he & Meamaw were there in spirit.

i'm tired, have a headache, and sooo..i'm callin it a night!
Maybe my next post will be a little more enthusiastic.

favorite txt of the day:
1) "I missed you the moment you stepped outta my truck. When i look over at my passenger seat, i still see you sittin there with your beautiful smile."
2) "It's almost like a dream, but the best dream i've ever had." is so good.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

here's your one chance, don't let me down.

So, what's it feel like when the shoe's on the other foot?
Get over it, honey, life's a two way street.

my weekends = keep getting better!
I have God to thank for the people in my life.

This second chance is working out so far, thank you for respect that you've given me in understanding my take on things. It means alot to me knowing that it matters to you. I haven't been this happy in awhile, life is good.

You? Ha. Thanks for all your hard work & effort....NOT.
i still love you & all, but you seriously pinch my nerves sometimes.

"you know, it's funny how life works out, that we're just now clicking. You've been around my whole life, and we're jus now realizing what's there"

Four Christmas' is HIGHLY recommended, i loved it.
It was absolutely hilarious.!

See, my opinion about dirt roads changed. When i was with you, every one held your memory, your voice singing to a familiar country song, your eyes darting over at mine, your hands reaching out to intertwine with mine, your laugh surounding my truck, and your presence making me feel safe..but now, all of those thoughts aren't about you anymore. I can finally say you're not in my most recent memory. Now, someone else is. Someone who may have screwed up the first time, someone that no one understands the reason for me being with them, but maybe that's why God made us see the imperfections in people, because He knew that we wouldn't ALWAYS see it, but some of us would. Imperfection is beauty, becuase if we didn't know what imperfection was, we couldn't see perfect. I'm crossing my fingers that this works out, because i really am excited about it, and i know that it could be a good thing.

Cantata tomorrow! YAY!

19 days until CRACKberry! (:

Thursday, December 4, 2008

a friend is someone who remembers the song in your head, and sings it for you when your memory is lost.

"when i'm old, don't put me in elderly care."
"you can stay with me"
"can i pee in your bed?!"
"HECK no!!"
"...are you gonna change my diapers"
"WAIT. Ya'll don't already wear those??"
"Yeah, sometimes i do, only when i drink somethin before bed though"
"Ok, just making sure i wasn't the only one"

"Okay, Julianna..i have talked to you long enough to know when something is wrong, and we always text no matter how bad of a mood your in, so i'm not sure if you're still mad at your dad, or if you're mad at me, but if you are, i'm sorry. Please know that I LOVE YOU and i'm here for you if you want to talk."
"Nothing's wrong, i've just been distracted today & haven't had time (or felt like) texting. I'm sorry"
"i'm sorry, Julianna, but i can't belive you..."
"I'm not asking you to believe me, believe what you want." won't guilt trip me into saing anything, i'm sorry. I've always respected your opinion, but you should do the same for me. THAT is what gets on my nerves about you. When you make it safely somewhere, i say "I'm glad you made it back safely" & your response. "me too"..uh? thank you? - - oh i guess that's too easy. You see, telling you my feelings isn't that easy to do anymore, because i feel judged. Everything i say or do now, i feel like you're watching me, waiting for things to point out that you don't like. When i tell you about people i am with, you say "interesting crowd" it can only be interesting for so long, then it turns into normal, because that's who i've been with lately. Have you not noticed that i haven't asked ONE time this week WHEN you're coming back? Have you mentioned it, no! What does it take? I'm tired of making all the effort, now you know how i felt when you "convienently" forgot to text me back for those few weeks, and NOW karma is taking control. SORRY. I really think i could be working with a good thing, can't you just PRETEND to be happy for me? I pretended for AWHILE for you. & it isn't the first time i've done it.
I do not appreciate you calling me out for not talking to you, you could've talked to me. The send button works both ways, and so calm down about that. You have no right to say that you don't believe me, because i've given you EVER right to believe me, and to think that YOU BELIEVE that i'm LYING to you, is insulting. NEVER would i say that to you. That hurts me. I guess "i'll be alright" though, i always am. Thanks anyway.

"huntin me a good ole country girlfriend."
"i guess last week spoiled us."
Yes, love, it sure did. This weekend will be fun though. Against everyone else's will, i will do what i want and i will have a good time, because it's time for me to be happy. I've been there for you, i've been happy for you (regardless of whether or not i've wanted to) so can't you do the same for me? I mean, seriously, is it THAT much to ask from someone? If you can see that i am happy, can't you be happy for me? ..i don't ask for alot, but i'd really appreciate that.

I believe that today you should make it work,
because i believe that it takes two to make it
work, and if one person isn't trying, nothing will
be accomplished. Set your mind to it, you've got
a good thing, don't look through the past & wish
things were another way. Look at what you've
got now, there's a reason God has it this way.
Watch out, because what your heart is telling you
may be different from what your head is telling you,
you've gotta be really in tune with your heart
in order to know which is speaking.
Don't look back & wish it had been different,
because when you do, you'll only look back
again to wish it was what it had been.

Monday, December 1, 2008


It’s anticipating the afternoon. Going upstairs to change clothes and looking at yourself to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. Putting my hat on as I walk out the door, and getting inside my truck.
Driving to the place that I’ve chosen to do what I love to do is peaceful. My daddy usually goes with me, and that makes it more interesting. This is something we’ve shared together since I was probably seven years old. It’s something that he taught me how to do, and my passion for it has only grown stronger since then.
Getting out of the truck and feeling the crisp air on my face, the sound of the wind rushing through the trees makes my adrenaline skyrocket. I slowly shut the door, making sure to be as quiet as possible. The sun is shining, but it is still cool outside.
Quiet. Quiet is the key when taking on this adventure. Without quiet you will never pick up on the noises that need to be heard, and are vitally important. Quiet is what makes the whole experience what it is. The peace of it all is what makes it unforgettable.
As I gather my stuff, it seems like a heavy load, but I am well aware that there’s a fifty percent chance all of this process could turn out for the better. Although, either way I’ll be glad to have experienced it, no matter what happens. My daddy walks as far as he can with me, before he splits and goes his separate way. This is when I’m on my own, this is when all the things he has taught me in the last 10 years is supposed to pay off. He is confident that I will do the right things, but he brushes over the main facts anyway.
I step up, place all my belongings down, and quietly enter. Unfolding the metel chair, I sit down. look to my left, right, and straight in front of me, I see green fields lined with tall pine trees. I can vaguely remember when those trees were small. I am being very cautious of my surroundings, not letting any sound go unnoticed. As I look upon these fields, I am replaying the procedure in my mind. Sometimes, a bored feeling falls across me and that’s usually when it happens. (Right when you’re not expecting it.)
You don’t know where, when, how, what time, or how long they’re going to be there – but that’s the excitement of it all. Once they’ve been spotted you’re heart pounds, but you have to remember, quiet.
It’s okay to look for a few minutes, but I have to keep in mind that I don’t know what may be out there to scare them, or even if they’re only passing through. That gives me an anxious feeling, causing me to sometimes act quickly.
I pull my weapon close to me, and look down the scope. My heart is still racing, and being able to watch them without them knowing that I’m there makes me feel so dominant, and in control. As I watch, I notice their subconscious movements they make, their instincts: the way their ears move when they hear the slightest noise or the way their tail flinches after they’ve scanned the area and realized they are safe.
Just as he turns broadside, I put my cross heirs on his front shoulder. I take a deep breath, and let all the thoughts on my mind slip away. Releasing only half of my breath, and keeping the cross heirs steady on his shoulder, I slowly squeeze the trigger. As my Browning .270 Automatic fires, I am shocked myself, but I cannot let that take over me. Keeping my eyes focused down the barrel of the gun, smoke is all see. When it clears away, my prize is there to break up the immense amount of green grass.
The sun is now setting, and the temperature has dropped tremendously. Now all I have to do is wait. Once the sun has set completely, I am aware that I don’t have much longer. My daddy’s flashlight shines against the tree line to my far left, it is the only light now. I am overwhelmed with excitement because I know he’ll be proud. As he gets closer, I unload my gun & gather the rest of my things. Even though it’s over, I find myself still trying to be as quiet as possible.
All in all, my day has been a success, and once we pull in the driveway, I simply say, “Thanks for going, Dad. I enjoyed the hunt.” By now, my mom knows what I’ve accomplished and she too, is proud.
Many things in life make me happy. I had a hard time deciding what to write, because most of the time it’s nothing major – it’s the simple things.

I found that on my computer. I had to write it for an English assignment last year. (: