favorite txt of the day:
"So just make sure i see your smilin face when i get there tomorrow. :-)"
- - that's saying alot too, because today has been. well. ___________(write in explicit adjective here.)
i have hated every second of today, and for reasons i feel that i cannot post.
Things are so weird right now. Why're you trying to come back? I...i don't know about that.
I should be studying, of course. But, meet the Queen of Procrastination. (:
Never get my hopes up if you're going to let me down,
never tell me that you love me, if two weeks later you'll say it's a lie,
never make me a promise, that you cannot keep.
& never, ever, say you care, & then tell me talk is cheap.
On the plus side....
i'm really excited about Christnas, and our cantata! It's beautiful, and we've got pretty much every talented singer in Noxubee singing, so it should be a VERY good performance, you should come. Dunno when it is yet, though.
& tomorrow's friday....
Nothing special about tomorrow though, people passing through town who might speak & might not. Yeah, we'll see where that puts you on the friends list if you don't. Hmph.
Okay, seriously, goodnight.
49 days until i can finally meet my new boyfriend, named Black Berry Phone. I hear he's a keeper!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
if i wanted change, i'd go to the bank.
..but you know what?
"what's done is done", like All That Remains (A Song for the Hopeless) says.
Last night wasn't a good night for blogging. My mind was elsewhere, which ends up resulting in a confusing blog, simply because i throw my scatterbrained thoughts out on my keyboard, and they end up jumbled into text on a blog - - not a good thing.
Clint says i have ADD, but i do have a lot to discuss, so we'll see how sidetracked i get. I should incorrperate yesterday, too. Since i so graciously didn't go into detail yesterday.! Ok? See what he means about the ADD? \:
Yesterday:
School was HORRIBLE. Tests tests, tests, but constant prayer. I woke up yesterday morning a 12:00am, to pray. At school, we prayed before going to first period, and then it was pretty much a normal day. Except for the fact that i forgot about one of our tests, and completely bombed it. DON'T TELL MOTHER!.. Did good on Al2, though.
After school, nothing crazy great. Just hung around until about 5:45 and then went to eat Mexican with Ferris, Meg, and Andrew. We had a good time. I never run out of things to talk about with any of those people. Then, we decided to go on a little trail ride in the dark at Trails End, and me & meg sat on the back of the buggy (excuse me, bad boy) and reminisced. It was so much fun. We sang gospel songs, and we talked about summer.
There's so much about summer that i miss, i really do. I find myself thinking about it everyday. Not one thing in particular, but just the way things were. I had nothing at all to worry about. My "man" situation was at an all time high, and maybe he didn't treat me right, maybe i did deserve better, maybe he wasn't who i needed, but too many people didn't respect the fact that I NEEDED to figure that out myself. I knew what was right, don't you think? I'm not stupid. I have people figured out fairly quickly.
The thing holding me back was the security i felt when we were together, knowing that it was alright to be where i was, because i was okay. It was okay to feel the way that i felt, because at some point in everyone's lives, they feel the same way. It was alright to be out late with him, just riding, because that made ME feel content. It was okay to hunt with him on a sunday afternoon, because that was a memory to be made, but what my realization finally ended up being was there are more memories to be made, with more deserving people. People that will actually grab hold to those memories and cherish them. People that will have impacted my life forever. He did, of course, but that's a given.
There are other things too, however, that i miss about summer. Sneaking out (that was fun), barn nights, late swims, early mornings....wait, we never had those, backroads, and of course, 4th of July & the Fair.
I remember the night that he left, that day he'd given me a shirt, a shirt i still wear to sleep in, but he'd given it to me, and for 2 straight days, i wore it. The night he left, me, meg, and micah all went to the barn with LOTS of food, and watched depressing love movies, while eating cookie dough. We called it our pity party. & it was a huge success, until clint & hunter showed up! Ha, they thought it was funny though. Man...i miss it.
I miss it because i'll never EVER have a summer like that again. Clint will be gone, possibly in a whole different country, our only communication will be through: A) computer, B) phone call. That's not alot of options. I won't be able to recieve a phone call on a friday night, "Hey! What time do you want me to pick you up to go eat?" (at trailboss...with everyone) or a random "I LOVE YOU!!!" text message, or.. just riding, just talking, just listening, just any of that. But you know what? In the midst of everyone telling us that we can't make it, i don't believe it. I know we can. When i say unconditionally, i mean it. The definition of that word is: Not conditional limited, or conditioned; made without condition; absolute; unreserved; as, an unconditional surrender. So there you go, we can do it. May not be easy, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.
Moving along...
today:
Blaaah.
I hate listening to Coach Ulmers voice.
I hate high-school drama.
I hate the fact that i haven't studied and i'm tired.
I hate it that right now, i'm complaining!
- - does high school ever end? No, the drama we have now matures a tiny bit into adulthood, and we live with it then. Maybe not as verbally, but don't lie - - you still think "oh my gosh, does she like me?, oh my gosh, i hate her hair. oh my gosh, what a hoe." yeah, i know.
& about this Obama thing, let me tell ya'll one thing.
Life may go on, yes. God is in control, yes. But YOU (as American Obama voters) made this decision, the decision of change. So, when he starts all this changing that he's talking of (which, who knows if that'll happen, the way folks LIE these days) YOU will suffer too. Just like the rest of us. If you want someone who won't stand up and salute OUR country's flag, YOU will suffer. If you want to support the innocent babies that never saw their first day of school, graduation day, first boyfriend, marriage, or babies of their own, YOU will suffer too. If you want to be behind a man who can't say "One Nation Under God" and mean it with his whole heart, YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES TOO. Because God is in control. This is no surprise to Him, & he knows your heart about it all. So, go ahead, fellow Americans, support someone who doesn't know a thing about our country, let him lead us into what COULD possibly be the next Great Depression, but don't say you're sorry. You meant to check his box at the polls. We've tried and tried to tell you THIS IS A MISTAKE.
& by the way, I will say whatever i'd like. Our President changed, not our Bill of Rights.
"what's done is done", like All That Remains (A Song for the Hopeless) says.
Last night wasn't a good night for blogging. My mind was elsewhere, which ends up resulting in a confusing blog, simply because i throw my scatterbrained thoughts out on my keyboard, and they end up jumbled into text on a blog - - not a good thing.
Clint says i have ADD, but i do have a lot to discuss, so we'll see how sidetracked i get. I should incorrperate yesterday, too. Since i so graciously didn't go into detail yesterday.! Ok? See what he means about the ADD? \:
Yesterday:
School was HORRIBLE. Tests tests, tests, but constant prayer. I woke up yesterday morning a 12:00am, to pray. At school, we prayed before going to first period, and then it was pretty much a normal day. Except for the fact that i forgot about one of our tests, and completely bombed it. DON'T TELL MOTHER!.. Did good on Al2, though.
After school, nothing crazy great. Just hung around until about 5:45 and then went to eat Mexican with Ferris, Meg, and Andrew. We had a good time. I never run out of things to talk about with any of those people. Then, we decided to go on a little trail ride in the dark at Trails End, and me & meg sat on the back of the buggy (excuse me, bad boy) and reminisced. It was so much fun. We sang gospel songs, and we talked about summer.
There's so much about summer that i miss, i really do. I find myself thinking about it everyday. Not one thing in particular, but just the way things were. I had nothing at all to worry about. My "man" situation was at an all time high, and maybe he didn't treat me right, maybe i did deserve better, maybe he wasn't who i needed, but too many people didn't respect the fact that I NEEDED to figure that out myself. I knew what was right, don't you think? I'm not stupid. I have people figured out fairly quickly.
The thing holding me back was the security i felt when we were together, knowing that it was alright to be where i was, because i was okay. It was okay to feel the way that i felt, because at some point in everyone's lives, they feel the same way. It was alright to be out late with him, just riding, because that made ME feel content. It was okay to hunt with him on a sunday afternoon, because that was a memory to be made, but what my realization finally ended up being was there are more memories to be made, with more deserving people. People that will actually grab hold to those memories and cherish them. People that will have impacted my life forever. He did, of course, but that's a given.
There are other things too, however, that i miss about summer. Sneaking out (that was fun), barn nights, late swims, early mornings....wait, we never had those, backroads, and of course, 4th of July & the Fair.
I remember the night that he left, that day he'd given me a shirt, a shirt i still wear to sleep in, but he'd given it to me, and for 2 straight days, i wore it. The night he left, me, meg, and micah all went to the barn with LOTS of food, and watched depressing love movies, while eating cookie dough. We called it our pity party. & it was a huge success, until clint & hunter showed up! Ha, they thought it was funny though. Man...i miss it.
I miss it because i'll never EVER have a summer like that again. Clint will be gone, possibly in a whole different country, our only communication will be through: A) computer, B) phone call. That's not alot of options. I won't be able to recieve a phone call on a friday night, "Hey! What time do you want me to pick you up to go eat?" (at trailboss...with everyone) or a random "I LOVE YOU!!!" text message, or.. just riding, just talking, just listening, just any of that. But you know what? In the midst of everyone telling us that we can't make it, i don't believe it. I know we can. When i say unconditionally, i mean it. The definition of that word is: Not conditional limited, or conditioned; made without condition; absolute; unreserved; as, an unconditional surrender. So there you go, we can do it. May not be easy, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.
Moving along...
today:
Blaaah.
I hate listening to Coach Ulmers voice.
I hate high-school drama.
I hate the fact that i haven't studied and i'm tired.
I hate it that right now, i'm complaining!
- - does high school ever end? No, the drama we have now matures a tiny bit into adulthood, and we live with it then. Maybe not as verbally, but don't lie - - you still think "oh my gosh, does she like me?, oh my gosh, i hate her hair. oh my gosh, what a hoe." yeah, i know.
& about this Obama thing, let me tell ya'll one thing.
Life may go on, yes. God is in control, yes. But YOU (as American Obama voters) made this decision, the decision of change. So, when he starts all this changing that he's talking of (which, who knows if that'll happen, the way folks LIE these days) YOU will suffer too. Just like the rest of us. If you want someone who won't stand up and salute OUR country's flag, YOU will suffer. If you want to support the innocent babies that never saw their first day of school, graduation day, first boyfriend, marriage, or babies of their own, YOU will suffer too. If you want to be behind a man who can't say "One Nation Under God" and mean it with his whole heart, YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES TOO. Because God is in control. This is no surprise to Him, & he knows your heart about it all. So, go ahead, fellow Americans, support someone who doesn't know a thing about our country, let him lead us into what COULD possibly be the next Great Depression, but don't say you're sorry. You meant to check his box at the polls. We've tried and tried to tell you THIS IS A MISTAKE.
& by the way, I will say whatever i'd like. Our President changed, not our Bill of Rights.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Thanks to Obama, i'm moving to Canada.
"Congratulations, Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States."
- - good job America, way to screw that one up.
i'm speechless.
"Will Barack Obama bring us peace?"
-let ME answer that...
NO! He'll cause an uproar.
"the minority vote matters."
- - if THAT was the case, McCain would be PRESIDENT.
i'm so pissed.
- - good job America, way to screw that one up.
i'm speechless.
"Will Barack Obama bring us peace?"
-let ME answer that...
NO! He'll cause an uproar.
"the minority vote matters."
- - if THAT was the case, McCain would be PRESIDENT.
i'm so pissed.
Monday, November 3, 2008
i just want to live while i'm alive..
picture your life in 10 years.. where are you?
Hi, I'm Julianna __________ , i am 27 years old, and i live in Starkville, Mississippi.
I just recently got out of Radiology school (5 years ago) at the W in Columbus, where i earned my degree in x-ray technology. I have settled down with my husband, ________ _________, of 5 years, and we have just had our second child, Joanna Evalyn ___________.
When i was 25 years old, after only 2 years of marriage, i gave birth to my first child, Matthew Gentry ___________. Although they're only 2 years apart, we can't wait to have one more!
I work at the hospital in Starkville, and i have for the past 5 1/2 years, i love it.
My brother, Matt (who is 31) & his wife ___________ have also settled down with they're child, in a beautiful house in the country. He's happier than i've ever seen him.
..i'll say, in my mind, this' how it began.
girl meets boy.
girl falls for boy.
boy trys to play cool.
boy falls too.
dating.
engagement.
marriage.
right?
- -but wait, what if somewhere between "girl meets boy & girl falls for boy" there's a BIG gap? A big gap that consist of an amazing relationship? How would she know it was right? How would she know she was IN love, when she knew she loved him all along? Where will the change be evident?
Now, i'm not saying that's happened/happening/going to happen to me, but what if it does? How will i KNOW for sure that what's meant to be is what's meant to be? I worry about that, sometimes, about having a steady relationship with someone (a lifelong friendship, even) and then it turning into something else without me knowing it, or realizing it.
The beauty of life is change, i'm just scared i'm going to end up closing myself up so much, that i'll be numb to alot of change. I'm not going to be ignorant, i can see when something is changing (for better or worse) but i can also see myself not wanting to experience change, so therefore, i block it out, for some crazy reason. Good or bad, i don't know.
Hopefully that made sense to you, it made sense to me.
On a totally different subject, the election. (Yes, still worried - even though i shouldn't be.)
MEET JOHN MCCAIN
Sen. John McCain
John Sidney McCain III was born on August 29, 1936.
He is currently the senior United States Senator from Arizona and the Republican Presidential nominee for the Republican Party.
McCain was first elected to the House of Representatives in November, 1982, where he served as congressman until 1986 when he was elected to the U.S. Senate.
In 2004 McCain was overwhelmingly reelected with over 77% of the vote.
His reputation as a maverick with steadfast beliefs, from his time at the Naval Academy
to his presently held Senate seat, have made McCain one of this century’s greatest leaders
of governmental reform and with ending wasteful spending in Washington.
MEET SARAH PALIN
Gov. Sarah Palin
Sarah Louise Heath Palin was born on February 11, 1964. She is currently the Governor of Alaska and the Republican Vice Presidential running mate with John McCain.
As the first woman Governor of Alaska, she has made history once again as being the first
woman Republican Vice Presidential running mate! We congratulate Governor Palin on her impeccable record of public service and her recent selection as John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate.
(edited,
)
"I'm asking you to believe, not just about my ability to bring about change in Washington, ... i'm asking you to believe in yours."
(Obama.com)
-lying (about his religious backround).
-FOR stem cell research.
-FOR abortion.
-FOR gay marriage.
--do any of those resemble Christ?
Isn't this Nation supposed to be based on Christian living? (ex: In God We Trust, One Nation Under God) ..now, i know a few things have changed, and i know the world is trying to get God out of everything they can, but at Central Academy, we still pray. We still say the Pledge of Allegiance, we still sing the National Anthem, and tomorrow, on November 4, 2008, at 8:00am, we will be praying for the election. & I, will be praying for the soul of Barack Obama, and for the Presidency of John McCain.
VOTE: *McCAIN/PALIN* 2008!!!
I just recently got out of Radiology school (5 years ago) at the W in Columbus, where i earned my degree in x-ray technology. I have settled down with my husband, ________ _________, of 5 years, and we have just had our second child, Joanna Evalyn ___________.
When i was 25 years old, after only 2 years of marriage, i gave birth to my first child, Matthew Gentry ___________. Although they're only 2 years apart, we can't wait to have one more!
I work at the hospital in Starkville, and i have for the past 5 1/2 years, i love it.
My brother, Matt (who is 31) & his wife ___________ have also settled down with they're child, in a beautiful house in the country. He's happier than i've ever seen him.
..i'll say, in my mind, this' how it began.
girl meets boy.
girl falls for boy.
boy trys to play cool.
boy falls too.
dating.
engagement.
marriage.
right?
- -but wait, what if somewhere between "girl meets boy & girl falls for boy" there's a BIG gap? A big gap that consist of an amazing relationship? How would she know it was right? How would she know she was IN love, when she knew she loved him all along? Where will the change be evident?
Now, i'm not saying that's happened/happening/going to happen to me, but what if it does? How will i KNOW for sure that what's meant to be is what's meant to be? I worry about that, sometimes, about having a steady relationship with someone (a lifelong friendship, even) and then it turning into something else without me knowing it, or realizing it.
The beauty of life is change, i'm just scared i'm going to end up closing myself up so much, that i'll be numb to alot of change. I'm not going to be ignorant, i can see when something is changing (for better or worse) but i can also see myself not wanting to experience change, so therefore, i block it out, for some crazy reason. Good or bad, i don't know.
Hopefully that made sense to you, it made sense to me.
On a totally different subject, the election. (Yes, still worried - even though i shouldn't be.)
MEET JOHN MCCAIN
Sen. John McCain
John Sidney McCain III was born on August 29, 1936.
He is currently the senior United States Senator from Arizona and the Republican Presidential nominee for the Republican Party.
McCain was first elected to the House of Representatives in November, 1982, where he served as congressman until 1986 when he was elected to the U.S. Senate.
In 2004 McCain was overwhelmingly reelected with over 77% of the vote.
His reputation as a maverick with steadfast beliefs, from his time at the Naval Academy
to his presently held Senate seat, have made McCain one of this century’s greatest leaders
of governmental reform and with ending wasteful spending in Washington.
MEET SARAH PALIN
Gov. Sarah Palin
Sarah Louise Heath Palin was born on February 11, 1964. She is currently the Governor of Alaska and the Republican Vice Presidential running mate with John McCain.
As the first woman Governor of Alaska, she has made history once again as being the first
woman Republican Vice Presidential running mate! We congratulate Governor Palin on her impeccable record of public service and her recent selection as John McCain's Vice Presidential running mate.
(edited,
)
"I'm asking you to believe, not just about my ability to bring about change in Washington, ... i'm asking you to believe in yours."
(Obama.com)
-lying (about his religious backround).
-FOR stem cell research.
-FOR abortion.
-FOR gay marriage.
--do any of those resemble Christ?
Isn't this Nation supposed to be based on Christian living? (ex: In God We Trust, One Nation Under God) ..now, i know a few things have changed, and i know the world is trying to get God out of everything they can, but at Central Academy, we still pray. We still say the Pledge of Allegiance, we still sing the National Anthem, and tomorrow, on November 4, 2008, at 8:00am, we will be praying for the election. & I, will be praying for the soul of Barack Obama, and for the Presidency of John McCain.
VOTE: *McCAIN/PALIN* 2008!!!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
you've got your life, i've got mine, but you're all i care about.
so even though i just started this blogspot thing, i find myself thinking "what am i going to write about today?" I never know until i click "New Post" and there's a big blank box there, waiting to be filled. That's how i write, i see a blank sheet of paper, i draw, i see a blank notepad, i write. I can't help it.
A million thoughts right now fill my mind, but i don't know whether or not to write them all over the internet, i am a little skeptical about that, (one reason why i don't ever use anyone's name..if i'm talking about something heartfelt).
I guess i'll start by saying that i am nervous about the election. I don't really have a reason to be, because God is in control, but i still am for some reason. I should get over that.
Next, well..next would have to be that i had a pretty good day today! Went to the movies with my best friend to see Saw 5, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. (: If those movies didn't have an excessive amount of cussing in them, they'd be greater than they are. I hate that about movies. Sentences would be so much shorter if you cut the cussing out, people in Hollywood don't think that way, though.
I really hate high-school drama, but having said that, i'm gonna tell you about some.
For someone whom i hardly ever talk to, never text, and much less get into her personal business, she's going to text my ex-boyfriend and say, "I know what happened between you & julianna that night." Oh? Do you? Because i'd like to be enlightened, i don't even think I KNOW what happened that night, because from as far back as i can remember, NOTHING ever happened. So, what's so hard about staying in your own business? I don't know, i guess mine's more fun to rummage around in. Ugh, must suck for you.
..now that's out of the way.. (:
64 days until blackberry. SWEET.
i should probably erase everything i've written so far, because it's all random & useless information, but just because i'm random, i'm gonna leave it! (:
You know, as bad as i want to walk up to you sometimes and slap you for being so immature, mean, hateful, selfish, and rude...i appreciate you. Not for those reasons, but because you taught me alot about myself. You've taught me what to look out for in a relationship, and what to look for. That's always a good thing, but sometimes you have to make the mistake in order to realize it was a mistake to correct it. (: So, thank YOU for being my corrected mistake.
My mom tells me that she made me & meg "ghosts".
so, i'm slightly confused, but we went to see what they
were... little did we know, they're our new favorite.
Nutter Butters covered in white chocolate, nothing short
of amazing. Seriously.
Ok. Done. Maybe tomorrow there will be a more productive post. (:
A million thoughts right now fill my mind, but i don't know whether or not to write them all over the internet, i am a little skeptical about that, (one reason why i don't ever use anyone's name..if i'm talking about something heartfelt).
I guess i'll start by saying that i am nervous about the election. I don't really have a reason to be, because God is in control, but i still am for some reason. I should get over that.
Next, well..next would have to be that i had a pretty good day today! Went to the movies with my best friend to see Saw 5, and i thoroughly enjoyed it. (: If those movies didn't have an excessive amount of cussing in them, they'd be greater than they are. I hate that about movies. Sentences would be so much shorter if you cut the cussing out, people in Hollywood don't think that way, though.
I really hate high-school drama, but having said that, i'm gonna tell you about some.
For someone whom i hardly ever talk to, never text, and much less get into her personal business, she's going to text my ex-boyfriend and say, "I know what happened between you & julianna that night." Oh? Do you? Because i'd like to be enlightened, i don't even think I KNOW what happened that night, because from as far back as i can remember, NOTHING ever happened. So, what's so hard about staying in your own business? I don't know, i guess mine's more fun to rummage around in. Ugh, must suck for you.
..now that's out of the way.. (:
64 days until blackberry. SWEET.
i should probably erase everything i've written so far, because it's all random & useless information, but just because i'm random, i'm gonna leave it! (:
You know, as bad as i want to walk up to you sometimes and slap you for being so immature, mean, hateful, selfish, and rude...i appreciate you. Not for those reasons, but because you taught me alot about myself. You've taught me what to look out for in a relationship, and what to look for. That's always a good thing, but sometimes you have to make the mistake in order to realize it was a mistake to correct it. (: So, thank YOU for being my corrected mistake.
My mom tells me that she made me & meg "ghosts".
so, i'm slightly confused, but we went to see what they
were... little did we know, they're our new favorite.
Nutter Butters covered in white chocolate, nothing short
of amazing. Seriously.
Ok. Done. Maybe tomorrow there will be a more productive post. (:
Saturday, November 1, 2008
do we dare to cross that line between your heart & mine, would i lose a friend or find love that would never end..
favorite txt of the day: " "...i thought about you :-) I love YOU!!!!"
i'll miss those, i really will.
Today was a do-nothing day, and i enjoyed it, until i looked at my clock and it read 6:34 and i realized i had seriously DONE NOTHING all day.
I'm one step closer to seeing Saw 5. & i'm excited about that.
One thing i find myself doing on do-nothing days is thinking, alot. I have had alot on my mind. Things i can figure out myself, and things i'm scared only God knows the answers to. I really hate this situation, it's one i've never had to deal with before, and i'm torn apart. Not only do i NOT know what to do, sometimes i don't even know what to say.
To have someone walk into my life so unexpected,
to be the best friend i could've ever asked for,
to be there for me when no one else is,
to cheer me up when i don't even want to giggle,
to talk to me when i'm in the foulest of moods,
to hug me until all my tears have dried away,
to kiss my forehead when saying goodbye,
to hold my hand when they know something's on my mind,
to listen when the world is screaming at us,
to talk when i've run out of words,
to be there when it seems everyone else has fallen short,
& then have them leave just as unexpected as they came in, sucks.
I didn't ask for the friendship, i didn't ask for the bond, i didn't ask for the memories, and i didn't ask for the love that's filled my heart for them in one simple year. But i got it, all of it. And i'm a better person, i believe, because of it.
When i say it sucks, it doesn't literally. This is life, this is now, and this is the way it's going to be, and i'm willing to accept that, it's just that i know i'll feel as if the relationship is too far gone after awhile of being apart, and ...i wasn't looking to have my heart broken over a friendship i thought would be around forever.
Now you're thinking that i always see the negatives, but if you know me well enough, you'll know that i'm preparing for the worst. Because if i do that, things can only turn out for the better. Right? Right.
& even after crying myself to sleep,
calling your name back to my house when you've left once already,
spending 3 straight hours with your hand in mine, talking of everything,
it still isn't over.
it's only begun.
I know God has a plan. I'm so excited to see how it turns out, because i want nothing more than for a smile to be on their face, a laugh to be in their heart, and a joy to be in their presence when they know they've done all they can, and they've gone the extra mile.
i'll miss those, i really will.
Today was a do-nothing day, and i enjoyed it, until i looked at my clock and it read 6:34 and i realized i had seriously DONE NOTHING all day.
I'm one step closer to seeing Saw 5. & i'm excited about that.
One thing i find myself doing on do-nothing days is thinking, alot. I have had alot on my mind. Things i can figure out myself, and things i'm scared only God knows the answers to. I really hate this situation, it's one i've never had to deal with before, and i'm torn apart. Not only do i NOT know what to do, sometimes i don't even know what to say.
To have someone walk into my life so unexpected,
to be the best friend i could've ever asked for,
to be there for me when no one else is,
to cheer me up when i don't even want to giggle,
to talk to me when i'm in the foulest of moods,
to hug me until all my tears have dried away,
to kiss my forehead when saying goodbye,
to hold my hand when they know something's on my mind,
to listen when the world is screaming at us,
to talk when i've run out of words,
to be there when it seems everyone else has fallen short,
& then have them leave just as unexpected as they came in, sucks.
I didn't ask for the friendship, i didn't ask for the bond, i didn't ask for the memories, and i didn't ask for the love that's filled my heart for them in one simple year. But i got it, all of it. And i'm a better person, i believe, because of it.
When i say it sucks, it doesn't literally. This is life, this is now, and this is the way it's going to be, and i'm willing to accept that, it's just that i know i'll feel as if the relationship is too far gone after awhile of being apart, and ...i wasn't looking to have my heart broken over a friendship i thought would be around forever.
Now you're thinking that i always see the negatives, but if you know me well enough, you'll know that i'm preparing for the worst. Because if i do that, things can only turn out for the better. Right? Right.
& even after crying myself to sleep,
calling your name back to my house when you've left once already,
spending 3 straight hours with your hand in mine, talking of everything,
it still isn't over.
it's only begun.
I know God has a plan. I'm so excited to see how it turns out, because i want nothing more than for a smile to be on their face, a laugh to be in their heart, and a joy to be in their presence when they know they've done all they can, and they've gone the extra mile.
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