if i wanted change, i'd go to the bank.

..but you know what?

"what's done is done", like All That Remains (A Song for the Hopeless) says.

Last night wasn't a good night for blogging. My mind was elsewhere, which ends up resulting in a confusing blog, simply because i throw my scatterbrained thoughts out on my keyboard, and they end up jumbled into text on a blog - - not a good thing.

Clint says i have ADD, but i do have a lot to discuss, so we'll see how sidetracked i get. I should incorrperate yesterday, too. Since i so graciously didn't go into detail yesterday.! Ok? See what he means about the ADD? \:

Yesterday:
School was HORRIBLE. Tests tests, tests, but constant prayer. I woke up yesterday morning a 12:00am, to pray. At school, we prayed before going to first period, and then it was pretty much a normal day. Except for the fact that i forgot about one of our tests, and completely bombed it. DON'T TELL MOTHER!.. Did good on Al2, though.
After school, nothing crazy great. Just hung around until about 5:45 and then went to eat Mexican with Ferris, Meg, and Andrew. We had a good time. I never run out of things to talk about with any of those people. Then, we decided to go on a little trail ride in the dark at Trails End, and me & meg sat on the back of the buggy (excuse me, bad boy) and reminisced. It was so much fun. We sang gospel songs, and we talked about summer.
There's so much about summer that i miss, i really do. I find myself thinking about it everyday. Not one thing in particular, but just the way things were. I had nothing at all to worry about. My "man" situation was at an all time high, and maybe he didn't treat me right, maybe i did deserve better, maybe he wasn't who i needed, but too many people didn't respect the fact that I NEEDED to figure that out myself. I knew what was right, don't you think? I'm not stupid. I have people figured out fairly quickly.
The thing holding me back was the security i felt when we were together, knowing that it was alright to be where i was, because i was okay. It was okay to feel the way that i felt, because at some point in everyone's lives, they feel the same way. It was alright to be out late with him, just riding, because that made ME feel content. It was okay to hunt with him on a sunday afternoon, because that was a memory to be made, but what my realization finally ended up being was there are more memories to be made, with more deserving people. People that will actually grab hold to those memories and cherish them. People that will have impacted my life forever. He did, of course, but that's a given.
There are other things too, however, that i miss about summer. Sneaking out (that was fun), barn nights, late swims, early mornings....wait, we never had those, backroads, and of course, 4th of July & the Fair.
I remember the night that he left, that day he'd given me a shirt, a shirt i still wear to sleep in, but he'd given it to me, and for 2 straight days, i wore it. The night he left, me, meg, and micah all went to the barn with LOTS of food, and watched depressing love movies, while eating cookie dough. We called it our pity party. & it was a huge success, until clint & hunter showed up! Ha, they thought it was funny though. Man...i miss it.
I miss it because i'll never EVER have a summer like that again. Clint will be gone, possibly in a whole different country, our only communication will be through: A) computer, B) phone call. That's not alot of options. I won't be able to recieve a phone call on a friday night, "Hey! What time do you want me to pick you up to go eat?" (at trailboss...with everyone) or a random "I LOVE YOU!!!" text message, or.. just riding, just talking, just listening, just any of that. But you know what? In the midst of everyone telling us that we can't make it, i don't believe it. I know we can. When i say unconditionally, i mean it. The definition of that word is: Not conditional limited, or conditioned; made without condition; absolute; unreserved; as, an unconditional surrender. So there you go, we can do it. May not be easy, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.

Moving along...
today:

Blaaah.
I hate listening to Coach Ulmers voice.
I hate high-school drama.
I hate the fact that i haven't studied and i'm tired.
I hate it that right now, i'm complaining!

- - does high school ever end? No, the drama we have now matures a tiny bit into adulthood, and we live with it then. Maybe not as verbally, but don't lie - - you still think "oh my gosh, does she like me?, oh my gosh, i hate her hair. oh my gosh, what a hoe." yeah, i know.

& about this Obama thing, let me tell ya'll one thing.
Life may go on, yes. God is in control, yes. But YOU (as American Obama voters) made this decision, the decision of change. So, when he starts all this changing that he's talking of (which, who knows if that'll happen, the way folks LIE these days) YOU will suffer too. Just like the rest of us. If you want someone who won't stand up and salute OUR country's flag, YOU will suffer. If you want to support the innocent babies that never saw their first day of school, graduation day, first boyfriend, marriage, or babies of their own, YOU will suffer too. If you want to be behind a man who can't say "One Nation Under God" and mean it with his whole heart, YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES TOO. Because God is in control. This is no surprise to Him, & he knows your heart about it all. So, go ahead, fellow Americans, support someone who doesn't know a thing about our country, let him lead us into what COULD possibly be the next Great Depression, but don't say you're sorry. You meant to check his box at the polls. We've tried and tried to tell you THIS IS A MISTAKE.
& by the way, I will say whatever i'd like. Our President changed, not our Bill of Rights.